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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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12
hardyboys · 23/10/2020 07:45

Hoping you get your rainbow babies soon ladies. Wish I had some valuable advice about hormones etc but I'll be here with a handhold instead.

I spoke to my GP who has referred me to fetal medicine. Obviously she didn't know my case history so she couldn't give any indication of what to expect. She suggested I ring Oxford to ask their opinion re tests and pass this on to my new midwife. My husband seems so confident all will be well. Wish I could have that faith.

@Kiki275 I really can't remember if we had an 8 week review. I think not. But then, my memory of that time is shady at best. I'm sure they offered us one but I probably just couldn't face it and naively assumed in the thick of that pain, that I would never want to dare try again. I didn't really gel with our bereavement midwife but the fetal medicine midwife at Oxford was lovely. Hopefully she can give me some guidance.

Lots of love to all

Mummabear40 · 23/10/2020 13:06

@NoCallerID I love the tattoo, so pleased you went through with it. x

CorkViaDublin · 23/10/2020 22:47

Hi guys
I don’t belong here yet
I have just been told I have to have a TFMR(surgical). I can’t get an app for 2 weeks. By then I’ll be 15 weeks.

How long does it take before we can try again? Any tips ?
I’m so lost and sad

Kiki275 · 24/10/2020 08:58

@CorkViaDublin I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't help with your question as mine wasn't surgical but I can point you in the direction of ARC, who might be able to advise further. Their forums are great too. I was told to wait two/three periods before starting TTC again x

Mummabear40 · 24/10/2020 09:58

@CorkViaDublin so sorry that you find yourself here, it’s a club no one wants to join. Give yourself time mentally to deal with things.

We had our TFMR at 15 weeks in July but delivery not surgical and were given the all clear to try after 1 period but everyone is different. We are still TTC and I’m so fed up with it as I’m desperate to be pregnant again 😭 xx

Redhead43 · 24/10/2020 11:10

Sorry you find yourself here @CorkViaDublin I had a medically managed delivery at 17 weeks and was told to wait for 3 periods before trying again. However, every situation is different. I too would definitely recommend ARC they are really suppprtive and the forum is a good place to chat to other people who have been through the same. It won’t feel like it now but the early days and weeks are the darkest I’ve ever felt - it doesn’t go away but I promise it does get easier xx

JustStuck · 24/10/2020 22:55

Hi Ladies,
Sorry for all your losses and heartaches, think I might of found the right club. I have a healthy child but I have had 2 x tmfr both at 15weeks for a genetic condition. I am recovering from my last tmfr. There is a 1 in 2 chance of having another affected pregnancy. I'm 42 so I don't have time on my side, despite all the heartache I want to try again..

Mummabear40 · 25/10/2020 06:30

@JustStuck sorry you find yourself here. Two tfmr’s must be so hard.
I’m 40 so completely understand about time not being on your side, we started trying again straight after my first period because of this. 1 in 2 is very tough odds to handle, have you been offered any advice/support? x

JustStuck · 25/10/2020 09:04

Thankyou Mummabear40 for responding, I have had support and counselling. It never changes the facts and chances. Doctors avised to try again if I can cope with it. I haven't read all the messages on this forum but it seems there are ladies on here with multiple tmfr, I was beginning to think I the only one out there. I am really sorry for everyone..life can really dissapoint.

JustStuck · 25/10/2020 09:22

Hi @Balajake, how many cycles has that been...6/7? Its still early, you could speak to your gp see if she can do anything for you. I had a missed miscarriage last year and need surgery for retained products, it took 6 months to get pregnant again, previously I used to get pregnant immediately. I wonder if our bodies takes a little longer to recover...hope things change for you soon..x

Mummabear40 · 26/10/2020 11:38

I start another TWW today and just cannot believe that I find myself in this situation again. I had a really emotional day yesterday where it hit me again that there wouldn’t be 4 of us at Christmas and also that I’m yet again in a TWW which I’m just so sick of. I so desperately want to be pregnant again and am so fed up of this feeling 😭

JustStuck · 26/10/2020 13:14

It's okay, the journey can be a long road. We all have good and bad days, it will pass and it wont always be like this, although it feels bleak at the moment, it's a cliche but can you practice gratitude? Do something else to focus your attention? It will all pass and it will be okay x

NoCallerID · 26/10/2020 13:18

@Mummabear40 TWW are turning into the worst time for me.... got my fingers crossed for you and hope it's going quick!
Your comment just made me realise that we won't be 4 for us on Christmas either... Last year I told my husband I was pregnant with our angel baby on Christmas morning. How I wish I hadn't waited until then now...

Coffeeoverload · 26/10/2020 15:40

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this thread, though I recognise some of your user names from elsewhere. Hope you don't mind me butting in?

Firstly, I'm so sorry for what you've all had to go through. Flowers

I had my TFMR in June (little girl, first baby at age 37). It's been a rough time, naturally. I felt like I was hit by a tsunami of grief this week after finding out my sister is pregnant. I thought I was over the worst but it just turned out I'd been in comfortable denial.

The raw pain is starting to dull a bit again, and actually I can just about feel the first glimmer of wanting to look to the future to try again. I'm not sure I'm quite ready (and want to go on a health kick first anyway) but there's the first sign of a light on the horizon.

I know everyone is so different, but I wondered how you knew it was the right time to start trying again? And what are the first steps that you took? Has anything helped you manage your grief whilst you look to the future?

Thanks for reading x

CorkViaDublin · 26/10/2020 16:48

Hi guys
Is there a thread on here for the medics management of miscarriage- I can’t find anything. I’m 15 weeks and terrified

Mummabear40 · 26/10/2020 16:52

@NoCallerID it’s so hard isn’t it, constant triggers of the future we no longer have.

@JustStuck I do regularly practice gratitude as I am grateful for so much. I have my healthy first born and my husband and so many things to br grateful for, then the grief comes and hits like a punch again.

@Coffeeoverload sorry you find yourself here. Everyone is different but me I just had a desperate need to carry another baby and still do. We waited for the all clear and then just started TTC again, I temp and do opk’s and it’s hard not to get obsessed with either! x

Kiki275 · 26/10/2020 16:55

@CorkViaDublin try this thread I'm also on. There are ladies in there who might be able to help. Please don't feel you're alone xx

Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3913897-Penguin-huddle-TTC-after-pregnancy-loss-Thread-35-time-for-some-sticky-BFPs

MummyBearBoo · 26/10/2020 20:06

Thanks all just had my second eye surgery so i can see a bit better hope you're all doing ok! Xxxx

Kiki275 · 27/10/2020 10:06

@CorkViaDublin hope things are okay with you? You're going through an awful time, we're here if you need us xx

CorkViaDublin · 27/10/2020 10:11

its just so awful - bpas said they would call today - they didn't and now i can't get an appointment for a call until next week. every week it goes on i just get so desperate

Kiki275 · 27/10/2020 10:45

Sorry looking at your username, Are you in ROI or UK @CorkViaDublin?x

CorkViaDublin · 27/10/2020 11:01

ROI

Kiki275 · 27/10/2020 11:58

@CorkViaDublin I'm so sorry that support is hard to reach. I've googled and come across this page and they may be able to help you with knowledge of local procedures which will be different to our UK ones x
tfmrireland.com/
. For support after receiving a severe/fatal diagnosis during pregnancy please contact Leanbh mo Chroí on 086 3745474 or [email protected].

Redhead43 · 27/10/2020 12:19

@CorkViaDublin sorry everything seems to be such hard work on top of an already awful time. Honestly any questions we might be able to help or if you just need to vent xx

Kiki275 · 29/10/2020 07:06

@CorkViaDublin thinking of you. Hope you're being cared for xxx