Please or to access all these features

Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Mangoandbroccoli · 10/02/2020 11:05

@Treaclepie19 Fantastic news! Next hurdle jumped 💪🏻

@BooMamaBear Is everything ok? I think we are on another thread together and it seemed like things weren't going well?

JO138 · 10/02/2020 11:49

@treacleplie19 great news! Hope you get some peace of mind! ❤

BooMamaBear · 10/02/2020 12:35

I'm sure baby brain doesn't usually start til later but I'm so bad at the mo I didn't do enough eggs at breakfast yesterday counted totally wrong! Then I also found my house keys In the fridge and today I went to pick my daughter up from pre-school and had left the gas ring on in the kitchen - it was lit so I didn't gas us all but I'm normally really careful about these things!! Xx

BooMamaBear · 10/02/2020 14:57

Can anyone offer some reassurance I've got really severe stomach cramps is this a bad sign?!! Xx

Conorgog · 10/02/2020 17:08

Jaysus this thread has moved fast - I’ve just completely dropped off!

@Mangoandbroccoli I am so so thrilled for you! Told you that booking the trip would so it. Crossing fingers everything sticks and goes well. Hope work goes well, - I’m finishing my dissertation and working full time, final hand in is June 18 - exactly a month before my DD, so to say I’m pushing it would be an understatement.

@JO138 you had combined and everything is clear?! Such great news, so happy for you, how are you feeling? I’ve managed to avoid specific mat clothes so far still in my usual oversized dresses and tights - some days I look huge, some times I wake up and my stomach looks fairly flat, so still a lot of bloat I think. 😬

Had my 16 week appointment, they listened to the heartbeat etc, which was good considering I haven’t felt anything much yet.

20 week scan in a few weeks! After that I might tell people in RL! 😂

Welcome welcome to all the new posters,
wishing you all the best on your journeys, it’s not easy!

17 + 2 today!

OP posts:
Mangoandbroccoli · 10/02/2020 18:57

@Conorgog Thanks so much! Yep it was the trip that did it 🙈 I was thinking of you today and hoping everything was going well - so pleased all's ok, albeit hectic! I can't believe you're 17 weeks now! I've been offered an early viability scan from 6 weeks and SAFE test from 10 weeks so it was good to get the ball rolling with getting those booked in today. 🤞🏼

fretnot · 10/02/2020 20:03

Really happy for you, @Treaclepie19 - that must have been lovely to see!

@BooMamaBear I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hope the cramping has eased off.

@Conorgog I’m really jealous you got to hear the heartbeat at 16 weeks. My midwife told me they didn’t do it, as often they can’t hear anything, but I thought I remembered having that in my previous pregnancies and had been looking forward to it. Bah.

I wish I could have waited til the 20 week scan to tell people, but the bump is so fricking obvious at 18 weeks and has been for ages, tbh. Thanks, muscle memory!

BooMamaBear · 10/02/2020 20:37

@Mangoandbroccoli had a bit of a scare very severe cramps and there was some bleeding but think it's stopped Dr said to test in a week and check all is still progressing I spoke to my dad (a GP) he thinks there would be more bleeding if I was losing baby and some bleeding and cramps is common early on but I'm just waiting to see if there is any more bleeding I feel a bit more reassured but still have have cramps just keep going to the loo frequently to check for blood. I've never bleed in my 3 previous pregnancies before so totally freaked out and assumed I'd lost it time will tell! Xx

ShootingStar2020 · 10/02/2020 22:13

@BooMamaBear - sounds like a scary day but so good to get advice from your dad. I had 2 miscarriages before DD was born. If I can reassure you, the bleeding got intense pretty quickly. I also had a some spotting with DS but that was all fine. Try to take it a bit easy (I know... easier said than done!!). Xxxx

@Treaclepie19 - lovely news for today. 😘

@Mangoandbroccoli - great you have those appointments to help to take the next weeks in stages. What will you do about your holiday? We booked a long haul trip today!

ShootingStar2020 · 10/02/2020 22:14

@fretnot - bet your bump looks lovely!

@Conorgog - time is flying! Not long until you can tick off the next milestone xxx

BooMamaBear · 10/02/2020 22:37

@ShootingStar2020 -thanks it seemed like it was going to get heavier it was a bit more than spotting but then it just stopped so I've been in bed rest this afternoon plus the cramps are still pretty intense my dad says it just stuff shifting around!
Good luck to everyone who is testing soon!! Xx

Mangoandbroccoli · 11/02/2020 10:11

Hopefully things calm down today for you @BooMamaBear and all's fine.

@ShootingStar2020 Great news about your flights - that'll do it! I'm genuinely unsure what to do about ours. It's somewhere in Indonesia where mosquitoes can carry Dengue fever and Zika - but they have since the 1940s and although there have been reports of the virus in the past, there are currently none of any active outbreaks, just advice for anyone pregnant or ttc to consider postponing. I haven't been able to find any actual facts or statistics, so it's very difficult to try and make rational decisions based on what might be being extra cautious - the south of France, for example, actually has the same rating, but it wouldn't cross my mind not to go there. Travel nurse was useless as she just looked up the same very limited website that I had already gone on. At the very least, no point cancelling until we're more in the safe zone, baby wise.

NoSuchThing · 11/02/2020 14:01

This thread moves fast! It’s difficult to keep up, but wanted to send congratulations to Mangoandbroccoli (Hope I’ve got that right!) It feels like you are all so far ahead of me in terms of ttc and actually being pregnant, whereas I’m still on the starting blocks.
We went to the group cremation service for our baby this morning, and I surprised myself with the amount of tears I still had. I really thought I was getting over it, but perhaps just burying it? I’m still very much at the ‘it’s only been 5 weeks since we went for the 12 week scan, 4 weeks on Friday since their termination etc etc’. I know I’ll feel so much better when we’re actively ttc. Right now it seems that all I can do is look backwards to the pregnancy I should have been experiencing. Does this make any sense?
Once again, sorry for the rambling!
I am so pleased for those of you expecting again, it’s fills me with hope that next time it will be ok for me.

BooMamaBear · 11/02/2020 14:24

@NoSuchThing - we understand what you're going through hun all I can say is time does help heal it's still raw for you atm and you need to give yourself time to grieve and look after yourself. You don't get over it exactly but you learn to move past it! My last one was in July and I feel ok now tbf the first one was harder emotionally but I feel back to my normal self now so you do get there! I hope you've gone a good support network around you and we're always here if you need to rant/talk whatever you need it does get easier I promise!! Xx

JO138 · 11/02/2020 17:38

@BooMamaBear I hope you are feeling better today and everything has calmed down.

@Conorgog long time! 😊 I am definitely feeling like maternity clothes are a necessity now. I never wear dresses at work which I wish I did because suits are not very forgiving! But 16 weeks I expect to be a whale! 🤣

@nosuchthing I am sure we've all been through those ups and downs and feeling like we're going backwards. There is no set path and healing has ups and downs. I still get emotional about things 6 mths on and 13 weeks pregnant. I think that it's just become a part of my history instead of feeling like I'm living it. Don't know if that makes sense but I'm no less sad about it but it has moved to the periphery. Hope you are feeling better today.

Kate544 · 11/02/2020 19:44

@NoSuchThing I’m in exact same place as you. It’s been 4 weeks tomorrow since my tfmr and I’m exactly the same - I just keep on thinking I would be 17 weeks now, telling work etc. Now I’m right back at beginning with no idea what will happen but feeling v sad at where we should have been.

Sorry that’s not a b positive message but just to say I know exactly where you are xx

ShootingStar2020 · 11/02/2020 20:03

@NoSuchThing and @Kate544 - it is totally expected to feel the way you are. Honestly the grief and pain is so hard. I remember saying to my mum that the only time I have ever felt so bad is when my dad died when I was young. It’s shit. However, life does go on. That may seem hard to imagine when you are in the black hole but we can show you it does. Day by day. Cry when you need to and be kind to yourself.

I would have been 30 weeks now and I still think about it all the time. But, focusing on the future as the others have said does help.

Thinking of you both. You are strong women. We all are. ❤️

Mangoandbroccoli · 11/02/2020 20:37

Thank you @NoSuchThing. I completely understand and empathise with how you and @Kate544 are feeling right now. You're both so very much in the thick of it and the pain feels very raw and unbearable, probably a large majority of the time. It will be hard for a while, particularly when you face the 'this should have been...' milestones. It's been 8 months since I lost my little one and there are still days where I feel up and down, and actually quite often I feel a sense of disbelief -
'did we really go through all of that?' - but for me I feel like a lot of that constant fog has lifted and each day it gets easier to have hopes for the future, whilst of course never forgetting the past. I'm more often than not able to talk about everything without breaking down but certainly would have struggled with that in the first few weeks and months. Please both give yourselves however long you need to grieve and just take one day at a time, with the reassurance that it does get easier. There's also no right and wrong - I went back to work 5 days after our loss, partly due to being a freelancer and having commitments and partly because I felt that was what was going to help me to move forwards, and the bereavement counsellor made me feel really guilty about it, which I think was very unfair. You just have to try and process things in a way that works for you.

Treaclepie19 · 12/02/2020 11:45

@NoSuchThing and @Kate544 as the other ladies have said. You're so in the thick of it at the moment. There will be some let up from the intensity ❤

How is everyone today?
My anxiety is a bit crazy these past few days. I'm analysing everything and worrying over it which isn't good as I need to keep it under control with my history.
Going to try and get out and about this afternoon and hopefully take my mind off things.

ShootingStar2020 · 12/02/2020 13:30

@Mangoandbroccoli - sounds sensible! Good to have options. Agree would never have thought that about Southern France! Alas the flight booking didn’t do the trick this month. Negative test yesterday so in the despair zone! Will feel better in a few days no doubt. More royal jelly and mini eggs for me!

@Treaclepie19 - fresh air will help. Like @JO138 said can you book a few treats just to keep you going? Hope you are feeling a bit calmer xxx

Treaclepie19 · 12/02/2020 13:33

I'm really tired and feeling sick this afternoon but going to force myself to at least take ds to the park.
Yeah I think I may do. I'll have to have a think what though!

Sorry about the negative test, hope you're holding up okay ❤

BooMamaBear · 12/02/2020 15:37

Thanks @JO138 -there's been no more blood since the other day I'm still going to the loo loads to check I'm gonna take another test on Sunday to check if it's still there and still growing as it should show 3+ weeks this time if all is still progressing, my dad said that if I'd lost it I would have been bleeding at least as long as a period so I'm hopeful that all is well. I still feel really tired and emotional my cramps have settled a bit! I'm at that really annoying stage where you don't have too many symptoms so I can't really tell whether it's all ok or not!!
I tried not to imagine where I'd be if my babies had been ok but it's easier said than done I've always tried to plan stuff on the due dates too coz I found those really hard! It was bad too coz the first one was due the day before my wedding anniversary so I remembered the date and my niece was born 3 day's later and the second was due a few days before my birthday! I'm gonna request not to know the due date this time unless I get the ok! Hope everyone else is well! Xx

JO138 · 12/02/2020 18:12

@ShootingStar2020 I'm sorry. It's so disappointing I know. Any chance you are too early to test?

@BooMamaBear I'm glad you are feeling better. I had a bit of brown spotting at 8 weeks and I was in a flap. But as you said the advice I got is that you generally don't "miss" a miscarriage.

I'm just travelling home from work and am wholly depressed it's only bloody Wednesday. 💤💤😥😴

Mini12 · 12/02/2020 20:22

@Kate544 and @NoSuchThing I'm so sorry your going through this awful time, it was honestly the most lonely confusing heartbreaking time of my life but you will get through the other side. I had days when I thought I'd never feel joy again, I tried so hard with my lo to make the best of days out etc but especially in the first few weeks I was heartbroken and almost numb.
I definitely let myself try to heal emotionally before I started TTC again but saying that, I know I'm never going to be fully healed as apart of me isn't here. I have made peace with that now though and find I'm in such a different place. Please reach out when your feeling down as I know this thread really helped me on my low days x ♥️

Mangoandbroccoli · 12/02/2020 21:17

Oh that's so rubbish @ShootingStar2020 😞 I want this to happen so much for you - hopefully it's still too early 🤞🏼 Keep up the jelly and eggs! Hmm...jellied eggs?? 🤔