Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

[Conorgog]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

@fretnot @NoSuchThing sorry you both find ourself here but as others said we've all found support from eachother and hope you can too x

@MummyBearBoo

@mangoandbroccoli That is amazing news!!! I bet you can't believe it!! I get so happy when another one of us conceives! So happy for you!!!!

@mummyBearBoo congrats to you! Obviously this is going to be an anxious time, I've tried my best to stay detached and found the less I spoke about it the more I felt detached however when I can to the 8 week scan all my past memories came flooding back so now I don't know if it was such a good thing not to talk, I def keep away from any baby news on social media and just keep busy with my little one, I'm trying to hold tight for my next scan and it's even harder than the 8 week wait!

@Mini12 how are you feeling? Any relief? When is your 12 week booked?

I have officially transitioned to maternity jeans today. I had forgotten how comfy they are!

Welcome @MummyBearBoo :)

No more nausea so far today. I have had an hour nap though 😴 and some salt and vinegar crisps as soon as I woke up.
Normally I lose about a stone in the first trimester but this time I can see me gaining weight 🙈

Hello @MummyBearBoo and congratulations. It sounds like you have had such a terrible time of it. I am so pleased for you that you are pregnant. Third time 🍀. Be kind to yourself and stay connected with us for chats and comfort.

@JO138 - how exciting to get the old maternity clothes out. Is the weekend going ok?

I have felt so down today as I just know it is not going to happen this month. Feel like I am running out of time. Wish I had worked less and started trying way before my 40th. Trying to stay positive though. Each day I feel stronger after the tfmr and then some days you just go backwards. Think today is one of those days. Xxx

Thank you so much @ShootingStar2020 @fretnot and @Mini12 - I've felt exactly the same when seeing all the previous positives on here too - genuinely thrilled and excited. Feel as though I've come to 'know' you all and certainly know what everyone's been through so it's so warming when you see things starting to look up for someone.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this @ShootingStar2020. I was feeling like that all week and it's really difficult to get out of that headspace, isn't it? I was so convinced I was out - more so than any other month - so I'll keep everything crossed that you'll have the same shock. Can you book anything that you'd have to cancel if pregnant?! I'd also booked to have my hair dyed this week - the law of sod might help or at the very least you'll have that thing to look forward to and distract xx

@ShootingStar2020 The timing around career is really hard too and I completely get that. I work in a very competitive industry that takes time to get established so it's really hard to start trying for a family earlier and put work progression at risk but then easy to look back and have regrets - but you were doing exactly what you felt was right at the time and hopefully it will still happen. I think it's particularly challenging for our generation of women as, quite rightly, we're encouraged to forge careers, but I don't feel we're really guided in terms of how that actually works with regards to biology and we still have few role models in that respect. What I think is really positive, however, is how many of my friends have had careers and have still gone on to have successful pregnancies in their late 30s and early 40s - none in my circles started in their 20s so it's clearly completely possible and far more common that we might be lead to believe by the media xx

@ShootingStar2020 I feel like I was in a similar boat. I worked as an expat in non "child friendly " countries until I was 31 then settled in London. Finally felt ready to take a step back from my career at 35 and think about a family. Went back to work full time and never considered a second until my DS was nearly 3. I definitely did a lot of kicking myself for not thinking about things earlier and then the tfmr putting us back before square one. But end of the day there is no going back and we made the right decision for ourselves at the time.

Turning 40 was a shock thinking sh1t I never thought I'd be actively trying for a baby at 40. I have to say though I was sitting in the waiting room at the scan and looking around I definitely didn't feel "old". And when I look around my circle of friends there are a lot of babies between 39-42.

I think we are just generally so much healthier now and informed that 40 isn't the fertility precipice it perhaps was in the past.

How long have you been trying? It took me 4 cycles after the termination but it felt like years!!!

Hope you have a better day today. Stay positive. X x

Thanks for the wise words @Mangoandbroccoli and @JO138!! Feeling a bit better today. It’s DD’s 6th birthday party we are sharing with a friend so no time to mope! There is never a good time and no point having regrets. At least I will have tried everything.

We have only been trying for 3 months since the tfmr so I appreciate it is early days. It took 4 months last year which I felt very lucky about. I am so so grateful for my family and that is all that matters.

The wind is immense! It’s definitely a “duvet” Sunday. Have a great day all xxxx

@JO138 -great news that all is progressing well and @Mini12 -hope your next scan goes ok fingers crossed!
I felt luckier this time as even though I'm now 35 we conceived first time I wanted to get my last due date 10th Jan our of the way coz it's so much harder when you spend ages trying to conceive just to get told you have to end your pregnancy! Again it's 50/50 chance for me it's horrible when other people just seem to get pregnant so easily and everything is fine for them! Pat of my NCT ground have all had their seconds and 5 were 35 with their first and 37 for their second so at 30 I was really surprised that I was one of the youngest! Xx

@ShootingStar2020 glad you are feeling better. Hope the party was success. We had a 4th birthday for one of my DS little friends today and I have to say 2 hours as a mere guest nearly wiped me out! I'm feeling relieved that we will be visiting family for DS 4th in a couple months so I can rely on my mum a bit!

After what we have been through 3 mths does feel like an eternity but especially for we ol' birds it's nothing. Lots of time. 😋

@mummybearboo 50/50 is rough. I really hope this is your time. Can you get early tests or do you have to wait for the 12 week? I know the feeling about learning the hard way that healthy pregnancies are a gift not a right. I have been lucky to get pregnant relatively easily and with DS I just took it for granted. The termination has definitely changed my view this time and until this little peanut is in my arms wailing I won't take any of it for granted.

Can I feel sorry for myself a bit ladies? I'm a bit nervous about the scan tomorrow and to top it off this morning I had an upset stomach again. I've felt sick all afternoon which most likely is both from hormones but I'm worrying its a bug and I wont even get to go to the scan.
I seem to be swinging between slight constipation and diarrhoea so it must be the hormones but gah.

Hope all is okay and everyone is safe in this weather ❤

@JO138 -as the placenta doesn't form til 10 weeks and I have to have CVS which is like amnio but taken from the placenta so they can't do the test any earlier than 11 weeks then I get the results about 3-5 days later!
@Treaclepie19 -my last pregnancy my tummy was the same I'd be constipated for about 5 days then it'd all come out (sorry if TMI) It settled down after about week 10! Hope your scan goes ok xx

Thanks so much @MummyBearBoo that's really good to know. I have IBS and no gall bladder so I never know if it's just my silly body.
That's exactly how I've been. Ready to take lactulose but still going everyday so put it off then it's like an evacuation 🙈

Thanks, its 9.20 in the morning so at least it's not too much waiting around.

Hi @treaclepie19 your allowed to be nervous it's definitely scarey but it will be worth it! Just think of how you'l feel when you come out the other side! Hopefully the results will give you some reassurance!

@JO138 I'm still feeling rotten but just trying to get through once packet of crisps at a time!!🤣🤣 How are you feeling now? Hope the worst is over nausea wise!

@MummyBearBoo I'm still waiting for my scan date and every time I get some post I'm tearing through it so fast!! Hopefully il get the date next week!! Just gives me something to work towards!

Ok I'm still really early days but all being well in a couple of weeks I'll probably call the midwife I have to have a date scan at about 8 weeks then they set my date for the next scan at 11 weeks when they do the test! I am TERRIFIED! I've never been able to be like 'yeah I'm pregnant' coz I always have this hanging over me I realise now how naive I was first time round as I had never suffered a loss! Xx

Thanks @Mini12. I am really nervous. I just keep thinking that because im only going to be 6+1 the chances are they won't see a heartbeat even if it is all okay. I've had scans at 6+4 other pregnancies and seen a heartbeat but my first one there was just nothing there and I remember how horrific it was. Ugh.

@MummyBearBoo we're all here with you and we understand

@Treaclepie19 - good luck lovely for tomorrow. Hoping your tummy has settled a bit! Xxx

Hello all, do you mind if I join? Been lurking here for a few days but haven’t been brave enough to join in.

I had a TFMR three and a half weeks ago. Our 12 week scan showed increased NT quickly followed by most stressful few days of my life. CVS showed T21 so we made the decision for me to have a surgical termination a few days later.

Just back at work and whilst the shock and incredible lows have passed in the main, I’m now just feeling pretty consistently low. Two very good friends are due their babies two days after I was which is bittersweet but painful.

We have a two year old already and the more detailed CVS results found it was just a random fluke. I am keen to try again ASAP (which in itself makes me feel horribly guilty for the little boy we lost) but the age factor which I had never worried about (I’m 36) is making it seem more pressing. But so far no period so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway just saying hi, my husband is amazing and we have been very open with people but I have honestly never felt so lonely as I gave this last month.

@Kate544 -thanks for sharing your story I bet it's still raw -I know what you're feeling though our first little boy we lost also had T21 which I found out the day after the scan as well as the genetic condition and ours was a random fluke. I am 35 so not far away from you and my SILs baby (my niece) was due the day after my boy was! I totally I understand where you are though I couldn't try for ages after due to complication's but I think the risk of it re-occurring for you will be about 1 in 100 or something!
Make sure you give yourself time to grieve and best of luck for the future!! Xx

And thanks @Treaclepie19 xx

So sorry you find yourself here @Kate544 and for everything you've been through. You're in good company here and we all understand and will do our best to support you.

Hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you tomorrow @Treaclepie19.

@treaclepie19 good luck today. Will be thinking of you.

@mini12 I'm sorry you are still feeling rubbish. I'm 13 weeks now and the nausea still comes in waves but is much better. Hang in there. It's the fatigue that is absolutely killing me still. In bed before 7pm with DS every night

Just to let you guys know I've changed my username coz of a Troll on one the forums it's similar to my previous name

Thank you all!
All fine so far. Measuring a little behind but saw baby with a little heartbeat ❤

That's great @Treaclepie19 xx