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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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9
Treaclepie19 · 04/02/2020 07:25

Brilliant news @Mini12 Grin

@JO138 aww that's lovely. Enjoy it! ❤

I need to get earlier nights. The mornings are so hard.
Still not really got any symptoms 😩 5+2.

Mangoandbroccoli · 04/02/2020 07:35

@JO138 I woke up to yet another cycle where temps are beginning to drop to signify the end and just can't much more of this 😔

JO138 · 04/02/2020 08:42

@Mangoandbroccoli I'm sorry. It does become a bit all consuming. I will keep my fingers crossed. 🤞

@treaclepie19 I can still remember just before 6 weeks and worrying about no symptoms and I've now felt like shit for 6 weeks straight. I hope you are eating your words soon! 🤣🤣 @Mini12 and I definitely did! ❤

Scan at 1130.....just trying to stay calm! I am so shallow and want to come out of today with good news and get my hair coloured and get a massage! 😋

Treaclepie19 · 04/02/2020 09:19

Haha @JO138 I hope so too!

Your plan for today sounds lovely. I hope the scan goes well and you can have a little pamper 😊

2020babym · 04/02/2020 10:14

@JO138 ah that is amazing news!! Congratulations and I'm so pleased for you. Best of luck for the scan ❤️

JO138 · 04/02/2020 12:59

Thanks ladies. We are back from the scan. All good! NT was 1.7mm and 2 hands , 2 feet, all the critical bits looked good! It was quite sobering to realise how "not ok" the last scan was because as soon as bubs popped up on the monitor it was just like DS. Definitely very different than last scan which is why I suppose the technician knew pretty quickly that there was a problem.

But all good! So relieved. Came home for a cuppa and have crawled in to bed as I don't have any work calls for an hour! 👍

JO138 · 04/02/2020 13:00

@2020babym hope you are doing as well as possible today. ❤ Thinking of you.

Treaclepie19 · 04/02/2020 13:01

Oh @JO138 what lovely news. I'm so pleased ❤

JO138 · 04/02/2020 13:09

Thanks @treaclepie19 How are you feeling?

I was thinking about you yesterday when I finally told my mum. Poor woman has gone in to a bit of a tizz. She will be waiting for the call this evening!

Mini12 · 04/02/2020 13:36

@JO138 that's amazing news! What a relief!! I hope you can enjoy pregnancy to the fullest now until birth!

@Treaclepie19 I definitely ate my words o think I got symptoms from 6 weeks and 2 days!! I felt so sick yesterday I got in bed at 4pm and stayed there all night as fear of moving would make me feel sick!!! I feel better today thankfully!! Eugh can't wait to feel "normal again!"

@Mangoandbroccoli sorry this is such a hard time for you, each month must feel like torture x will still keep everything crossed Flowers

JO138 · 04/02/2020 13:55

@mini12 the sickness is awful. I feel for you. I think around week 10 the nausea improved slightly but the fatigue is still kicking my arse. I am begging my DS to have a quick bath because at 1845 I'm cooked! I am seriously starting to wonder when I will feel human again. I've just laid in bed for 45 mins and I'm so tired I feel like I've been drugged! 💤😩 I hope you are feeling better soon because it really is a drag.

Mini12 · 04/02/2020 14:52

@JO138 I remember with my first pregnancy I felt great in 2nd and 3rd trimester so fingers crossed for both of us that the sickness and tiredness subsides soon and for a lovely energetic (not even energetic just no tiredness) 2nd trimester!!! 🤞
My OH gets in at 4pm and I'm counting down the minutes so I can have a bath and lie down!

Treaclepie19 · 04/02/2020 15:11

A bit rubbish to be honest @JO138. This pain on the right is getting stronger so I'm panicking. The doctors haven't been able to fit me in today so I'll have to just wait.

I bet she will be! Aww how did she take it?

Mangoandbroccoli · 04/02/2020 15:49

Thanks @Mini12. Torture is exactly it and it's so awful to feel like this every single month. I'm 34, fit and healthy, don't drink, am having alllllll the sex and just wonder what more I can possibly do. I've take over 400 sodding folic acid tablets now! 🤪 And the royal jelly, star flower oil, and bloody Brazil nuts can just 'do one' 😂🙈

@JO138 Such good news!!

@Treaclepie19 Hopefully it's round ligament pain or similar stretching 🤞🏼 There's a lot going on in prep for you right now!

@ShootingStar2020 Routing for you 🤞🏼

JO138 · 04/02/2020 16:37

@treaclepie19 that's a drag. I hope you are feeling better soon. I must say I've definitely had a fair amount of cramping and aches that I don't remember in my other pregnancies. Are you able to get in to the doctor tomorrow or have a midwife coming up? My midwife is pretty good at answering texts.

@mini12 I live in hope. I don't remember ever feeling this constantly shattered. Even the nausea I can handle in waves but this exhaustion is getting on top top now. Even the thought of walking around the block is terrifying!

@Mangoandbroccoli there is no logic or karma to fertility I don't think. Did you get pregnant pretty quickly previously? I know there is just nothing that can be said. It's such a frustrating time. ❤

Treaclepie19 · 04/02/2020 16:52

It most likely is stretching pains!
My midwife is useless at answering texts 🙈 I haven't heard back about my referral yet for my booking appointment.
I'll see if I can get in the doctors tomorrow perhaps.

ShootingStar2020 · 04/02/2020 17:29

@JO138 - wonderful news!! Glad you could have a pamper day and a rest. Reckon your energy will come back in spades in second trimester and also with this big hurdle down the mental load will hopefully ease off too which should help.

@Mini12 - so glad scan was positive. Hope that reassured you.

@Treaclepie2019 - did you manage to speak to the midwife? It is amazing how that stretching can cause so much pain and discomfort.

@Mangoandbroccoli - I feel for you so much. It’s just rubbish. You are young and healthy. It will happen but I know that doesn’t help with the rollercoaster. Big hugs

I am on about 5DPO. Not holding out much hope although we timed everything “right”. I worked out that if we did fall this month then 12 weeks would have been about the time of my due date for my beloved little shooting star and the due date is the exact date of the TFMR. That is either cruel or fate. We shall see. ❤️💔💫

JO138 · 04/02/2020 19:07

@ShootingStar2020 fingers crossed! Sending you BFP thoughts! 😋

Every scan we've had our due date had moved from the lmp calculation. It's now Aug 17th which is 13 mths to the day of our termination. I can't believe that we've been through so much already and it will be just over a year. I was saying to my husband today I feel like I've been already been pregnant or obsessing over getting pregnant for a year! I think it's actually a blessing to give the date a new and happy meaning. I had my 9 week scan on the due date which was a blessing because it just changed the day. 😊

Mangoandbroccoli · 04/02/2020 19:54

Thank you @ShootingStar2020 and really hope things happen for you this month 🤞🏼🤞🏼

I was so spoilt with both my son and the little one we lost as I got pregnant on the second attempt with both. Naively thought the same would happen again but, here I am, 13 months after trying for number 2, still trying. And when I think of how much longer it might take to conceive + 9 months of pregnancy + any other potential devastating losses along the way and then trying again, it feels like giving my little boy a sibling, is such a long long way off that's is hard to even imagine it being a possibility 😞 I know this doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things either, but two of my closest friends are on maternity leave and I was so excited about being off and enjoying such a special time with them but instead I've spent the day crying on today's 4 hour round work commute and my head's been spinning wondering if we made the right decision. I know we did really and apologies for throwing my little pity party, but today's been a really low day 😔 Oh and I have an awful neighbour who I can't stand at the best of times but I bumped in to her and she said 'must be time for another soon, how about a little girl this time?' Ffs!!

Treaclepie19 · 04/02/2020 20:42

@ShootingStar2020 she briefly spoke to me earlier but since the pain had eased and I'd got some the other side she said just monitor and get checked out if it's worse/persistent.
She was so lovely though, she spent a lot of time with us after our TFMR, visiting and checking up on me. She remembered us and seemed genuinely happy to be booking an appointment. She reckons she will see me about 8+3 which means my details will be on the system for when we see the consultant the week after.

JO138 · 05/02/2020 06:43

@Mangoandbroccoli I hope you have a better day today. It's so easy to get down about it because there is just nothing that you can really do beyond what you are doing.

Have you thought about trying something different? Maybe switching to OPKs if you are temping. Give yourself a rest from the usual. I am definitely no fertility expert. With DS it was right away, second baby was I think 4 mths but we weren't trying then this baby was 4 obsessive months of OPKs and stress. And when it did happen it was a total bloody fluke because I ovulated 4 days early with no "high" warning days and just happened to catch it because I had EWCM which I never have. Every month that we did everything "right" was a BFN.

My DS turns 4 in 2 mths so will be 4 1/2 when the baby arrives. It's definitely a bigger gap but I think in reality it's when we are older that we appreciate our siblings and family and age really doesn't matter. I had zero interest in either of my brothers in childhood 😋 but it's now that we are older and have our own children that I appreciate the bond.

I got really down while trying and definitely thought long and hard about giving up because it was taking over my every thought. I just figured my decepid old uterus had given up! There is no reason it won't happen for you. It happened before and it will happen again.

I actually downloaded a book called the "Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant ". Didn't finish it but was a good train commute distraction.

Hope you have a good day! X.

Mangoandbroccoli · 05/02/2020 07:15

@JO138 Thank you so much for your kind words. I didn't wear my thermometer last night and definitely feel better for it this morning as when you have a few days of it going back down, it's essentially the same as getting a BFN first thing every morning and I'd rather just wait it out for my period now.

This was the first month without opks, which again removed some of the faff. I've only used the cheap ones and have never had a line darker than the control so find them really confusing. They also don't confirm ovulation, just the surge, so it's at least some comfort to know I've definitely been ovulating (confirmed by temping) and can bring that info to a doctor if needed.

Currently torn between no tracking whatsoever next month, just good old fashioned regular sex throughout the month, and seeing a gp and both starting the testing process. We shall see! Xx

fretnot · 05/02/2020 10:22

Hi everyone, I’d really like to join, if that’s ok. I’ve been reading the thread for a while and rooting for you all!
I had a TFMR in Feb last year (for Downs), and for a while my husband was opposed to trying again but changed his mind and... here we are again. I’m just over 16 weeks now and thankfully the first round of testing went well, so I’m in the clear as far as NIPT tests go.
The thing is, I just can’t shake an awful feeling about my upcoming 20 week scan. I have 2 kids (7 & 5) and they are utterly delighted and excited by this second pregnancy. I can’t face having to disappoint them again, and can’t stop thinking about it. My last scan feels a loooong time ago!
My husband is acting as though I’m not pregnant at all, and we’re not getting on well. I think he’s still a bit ambivalent about the whole thing.
Anyway, thanks for letting me offload. I feel I can’t lean on people with these anxieties as there was already so much “leaning” done last year!

JO138 · 05/02/2020 10:24

@Mangoandbroccoli are you pretty regular? Maybe not tracking wouldn't be a bad thing. I have a pretty regular 30 day cycle and when I was particularly stressed the consultant said have sex day 13, 15, 17 and leave the other stuff. I didn't stop OPKs but it was the only month we had sex those 3 days and it worked! Which I was amazed because according to OPKs we missed the boat!

My other advice is go to Sagres and drink copious amounts of Super Bock and Watermelon martinis! That seemed to work for DS! 😋

fretnot · 05/02/2020 10:30

@Mangoandbroccoli I know exactly what you mean weighing the timeline through TTC and the dizzying prospect of all the testing and possible outcomes then possibly starting again... How to find the strength? I told myself that if this pregnancy didn’t work out then that would be it for me: I’d find another challenge to occupy myself and make peace with how things are. But there are no guarantees on our feelings as time goes on, are there? And I’m probably a bit older than you (I’m 40).