Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

[Conorgog]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

JO138 That's amazing news!! What a relief!!! You'l hopefully he more relaxed for your scan next week!! So pleased for you!! x

@Conorgog @JO138
I've thought of doing the Casey batchelor pre natal yoga online think they have a deal on at the min!

I have midwife app tomorrow, not sure how il feel about her asking all the questions hope I don't get emotional. I'm trying to take it in my stride as much as I can, I think il worry at the scan on Monday though, being back at hospital it's going to be tough 🙁

@sylvanianfrenemies thank you. I was thinking about you today. I said to my midwife before this summer I was so blissfully ignorant about how perilous pregnancy can be. Hope you are getting lots of cuddles from your DDs.

@Conorgog I tried prenatal yoga last time and ended up in a class with lots of high risk and multiples. I used to call it group napping! I have bought a prenatal pilates DVD which is still safely in the wrapper!

I have had to get creative with work clothes. Bought some of waist extender things but found them pretty useless. Have resorted to long blouses and a hair tie holding my trousers up! Only a few that have stretch that I can still zip.

I hope you've got lots of support @SylvanianFrenemies ❤

@Mini12 I had to go back to the same hospital to visit my mom and it was flipping hard. No clue how it will be seeing the same consultant in the same room that they stopped our sons heart.
Gah.

We're all behind you though

I think I may try pregnancy yoga this time if I get that far. 4+4 today which is just ridiculously early still 😩
I got the letter for my appointment today though. It says leave up to 2 hours for it so my ds1 will go to nanny's for the afternoon.

That's fantastic news @JO138!! What a relief!! Next hurdle ticked 💪🏻

A GROUP midwife appt @Conorgog?!?! Wtf?!

@Mangoandbroccoli thank you. 12 week scan on Tuesday and I'm now actually looking forward to it. How are you feeling? When is your special anniversary treat?

@Conorgog how does a group appointment work? I've never heard of that. I've just booked my 16 week for the day before we fly overseas for a family for 3 weeks. I haven't told my husband he's going to miss the 20 week scan because he's going straight on a business trip. He's going to be devastated! 😕

Aw that's lovely @JO138 ☺️ I'm ok thanks - back in the 'tww' limbo 🤪 Anniversary trip is end of April and we've also got a family holiday and my sister's hen do and wedding to look forward to, as well as some exciting work projects, so I'm lucky to have lots to keep me focused on over the next few months!

@Mangoandbroccoli @JO138 yes a group appointment... there are from what I recall from a few years ago there are about 6 women, the midwife blood pressure tests you, and does a urine dip test (behind a screen) then gives general info and asks if anyone has questions, I think they showed us around the birth centre and labour ward too. Not a bad appointment to save them time and £££ if they women are low risk.

@Conorgog Ah, that makes sense, especially where low risk. Just still haunted by my more recent appointments, where they either ask quite intimate questions (think I'm thinking of the booking in though) or I spent most of them trying to fight back tears and picturing the horror of having to do so in a public domain!

Will be keeping all crossed for you @Mangoandbroccoli!

I'm having a very symptom less day and so feeling nervous. 4+5 😩

@Mangoandbroccoli - fingers crossed indeed.

Move over Royal jelly and Cadbury’s mini eggs, DH brought home M&S Chicky chocky speckled eggs. They are amazing!!

@Treaclepie2019 each day is so different as is each pregnancy. Some days I used to feel “more pregnant” than others. Try to relax tonight if you can. Hugs.

I am on CD16 and got my static smiley yesterday after 3 days of flashing smileys. Those sticks are a bit confusing! Should just use the simple ones!! I am now officially 40.5 years old so here’s hoping it’s a lucky month! Xxx

Hi everyone. I hope it's ok that join in.

Me and my DH have had our worst day. We were told our baby boy won't survive in this world, he is too good for it. I'm currently 20'weeks and awaiting the outcome of today's Amnio, but either way and if he doesn't have a chromosome issue, his outlook on life is next to zero. If he survives pregnancy he is likely to die shortly after birth or if he does survive it's likely the doctors won't operate because of his severe issues. The rug has been pulled from beneath us and it feels like the whole world is crashing down.

I'm sorry for everyone going through or who has been through a loss. I'm hoping to find some support on here and share our story. At the moment the days and weeks after today are hazy.

Hi @2020babym so sorry to hear your going through this awful time. We're all here for support x
I remember those days of feeling lost and so sad I thought I would never be happy again (last sept we recieved our awful news) just here to tell you my heart goes out to you, there is no loss like it, it will take time and alot of tears, your in the thick of it now which is the worst, but you will eventually get to the other side and feel a bit better, talking to others and having a group like this is a good support x sending hugs 💐

I'm so sorry @2020babym. I agree with mini12, you're in the thick of it now but you will be okay. If you ever need anything, feel free to message me to talk. I also have a blog page because I felt like I wanted to share our story and also felt like there weren't enough people sharing theirs that I could relate to!
Writing is always a good way of getting through. Anyway, I hope you have lots of support

I'm so, so sorry @2020babym. There are really no words, are there, it's such a terribly cruel and unbelievably difficult thing to go through and right now you really are in the thick of it. It's something that will always be upsetting and you will forever be changed by it in some way, but I can say that there will eventually be a little more light at the end of what now must seem like a very dark tunnel. Although you'll never forget, things eventually start to get easier and many (most, even) of the lovely ladies on here are pregnant again - that may or may not be something you want to consider but perhaps at the very least it offers a little hope. I had a natural delivery with the little one we lost last June, so may be able to answer any questions you have on that front xx

@2020babym - like the other ladies have said, I am so so sorry you find yourself here. No doubt you and you DH feel broken. It is the most cruel position to be in. I hope you can support one another and get through the next days and weeks. You can also find help and advice from various charities including ARC which I found invaluable.

We are all here to listen and help. Thinking of you. Xxxx

Thank you everyone for your lovely messages. The extreme sadness keeps coming and going. We are dragging ourselves out of bed in the morning and making ourselves go out for long walks, which helps. I'm so sorry for all of your losses also. There really is no pain like it.

Can I ask one thing, if not too hard, but did any of you suspect something was wrong during the pregnancy before you found out? I'm naturally an extreme worrier and suffer with anxiety. We had x2 NHS scans and X2 private ones by the time I was 14 weeks and every single one was perfect. But I still couldn't shake the feeling that I would never get to be with my baby "properly". Everyone told me I should try not to worry and that everything was going perfect (we felt first kicks at 15+6 so very early). But now I realise all my fears and worries weren't just worries, they were instinct.

Xx

@2020babym I wonder if I had something of a sixth sense about it - we only told a few close family members after a private at 10 week scan (which didn't throw up any issues) but no one else at all after the 12 week scan (which was still fine), despite me confidently and happily telling everyone else straight after the 12 week scan with my first son (healthy, neurotypical pregnancy). I even accepted some big work projects, when I would have technically been due to go on maternity leave, but just had a feeling that I'd come to need that work and shouldn't turn it down. Maybe it's coincidence, but maybe it was instinct.

Nevertheless, worrying or not worrying sadly can't change the outcome and won't soften the blow - nothing can make the awful news more bearable. So, if I am fortunate enough to ever get pregnant again, I really will try to embrace the excitement and not think that I'm protecting myself with instinct, if that make sense. (Ha, I'll probably be a nervous wreck but that's the aim anyway!)

I was very nervous but then I'd had bleeding as well so was very unsure it would come to anything.

@Mangoandbroccoli thats how I feel this pregnancy. I want to enjoy it as much as I can because you can never prepare yourself for the worst anyway.

Thanks both. I understand. Our sixth sense is truly incredible, and only we know our bodies 100%. In that regard, I think I've learnt to trust myself a bit more, and trust the feelings that I have.

If we are ever lucky enough to have a little brother or sister for our baby boy, I'd want to try and enjoy it as much as possible still. Even though I've never felt pain like this one, I wouldn't take back one single second of this pregnancy or having him in our lives, even if it's just for a short while.

I think our Amnio results may come in today or tomorrow. I can still feel him rolling and kicking away. Sometimes I feel him "shudder"- the way I described it to DH this morning is like when you pee and you shiver, sometimes it feels like our baby is doing that and I make him jump when I touch my belly. I love it so much :)

I remember that feeling @2020babym ❤
Sending you all the strength to get through this. He will always be your baby boy no matter what xxx

@2020babym I am so sorry for what you are going through. We lost (TFMR) our second baby at 14 weeks in July after high NT at the 12 week scan and the confirming CVS. We've got a 3 year old DS , nearly 4.

I definitely had a "bad feeling" throughout the pregnancy. I paid for a private scan at 7 weeks and even though it was ok i still didn't see the pregnancy progressing. Didn't buy maternity clothes, didn't tell anyone then it all unravelled at the 12 week scan.

I remember that horrible feeling of being in limbo while waiting for those CVS results.

It was the toughest time for me.

I hope you are coping. Someone once said on this thread "all your baby has ever known is your comfort and warmth and love". That gave me a lot of comfort through the process.

Thinking of you and your DH and sending you as much strength as possible over the coming hours, days and weeks. ❤

@JO138 thank you for your message, what lovely words and so true. Along with my fear of something happening which means I wont get to see or hold him (but we've made it clear to our screening midwife that under any circumstances we must see and hold him), my other fear is what kind of pain he might be in or be in future should we decide to proceed. I never want him to experience any pain in this process so we want to do what we can which means he won't suffer.

I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. Those instincts really are there for us from day one aren't they! Do you have things in your home to remind you of your baby or things in a little keepsake box etc.?

@2020babym I can absolutely understand that and that was probably the only question I managed to ask our consultant in the hospital as I was a bit of a mess. They were very quick to assure me that he didn't feel a thing.

We actually have nothing in terms of keepsakes. The scan was such a definitive issue they bundled us in to a consultation room pretty quickly so we have no photos or anything. We just passed the due date in January which was strange. It's a very odd feeling to remember a pregnancy without a baby.

I'm actually 12 weeks pregnant now and in for our scan in the morning so having quite a few emotions. We had a SAFE test though so at least we know our T21, T18 and T13 risk is very low. Just need to get through tomorrow and hopefully can relax and start to enjoy this.

@JO138 good luck for your scan tomorrow, hope it confirms everything is safe 💐

I had 8 week scan today which came back positive, not out if the woods yet I know but glad first step is over

@Mini12 great news! It's nice to see the little peanut. One hurdle done!

@Mangoandbroccoli and @ShootingStar2020 are you still TWW'ing? 🤞🤞🤞🤞

I have developed the really bad habit of reading stories with DS in our bed and we both fall asleep. Then DH lifts him when he gets in from work and puts him in his own bed. Means that I am asleep by 7pm. Last night DS said to me "mummy it's lovely to cuddle in your bed" ❤❤❤❤