Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

[Conorgog]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

Thank you for your kind words everyone. I think you are right @Mangoandbroccoli I really want to be able to enjoy christmas with our 3yo DD and hopefully the new baby too, its just hard having all the triggers of what was going on last year. @Treaclepie19 i remember your screenname, i think perhaps we spoke on a thread last year when we were going through everything? I think it is such a lovely idea to have a cake on your little boy's birthday. I have been thinking about it as an anniversary but will be trying to shift my perspective and see it like a birthday in future (my TFMR was very painful and traumatic , which obv didnt help).

@elcie1980 i am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am afraid I dont know what your chance of downs will be in a subsequent pregnancy, but we received genetic counselling after we lost our son which went over those issues for us.

Good luck to everyone who is TTC, I really hope you get your rainbow babies when the time is right xx

@peamad yes I think so! Our little boys birthday is 14th December. I've found it tough thinking of it as his birthday but I'm just desperate to do something to remember him so I'm taking the opportunity.
I'm dreading the 12th because that's the day I had the injection to stop his heart. I can't believe its nearly been a year 😔

Also can't believe we likely wont be having another but there we have it.

Sorry for the pity post. It wasn't meant to be!

Welcome, @elcie1980, and so sorry for everything you're going through. I believe your chances of going through this again would be the same as anyone else's, not any higher, as long as the reason wasn't genetic. Your hospital should be able to test this (from memory it didn't require any additional testing from me or my husband, I think they can tell using the results that provided the initial conclusive diagnosis).

In terms of trying again, we were told we could try again straight away following the tfmr (after bleeding had subsided due to risk of infection) and were advised to wait for one period for dating purposes only. In reality, I bled non stop for 3 months and then had to have a d&e to remove a piece of the placenta that had got stuck, despite having had what looked like a complete initial delivery. I think this is quite unusual, but I mention it only because it really messed up our expectorations in terms of when we could try again. I know you can never predict these things but I'd had such high hopes about being pregnant again soon but it was quite a while before trying was even possible. If you're bleeding does seem to go on beyond 6 weeks, I'd just advise to push for a scan to check that there are no 'retained products'. I felt quite brushed off when raising concerns and ended up in A&E unnecessarily.

All that said, I really hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and that you're able to try again really soon, if that's what you decide 💚

Dear @Mangoandbroccoli

Thank you so much for your message.... this question is always worse late at night or at 3 in the morning when you need a wee. I have spoken to MW and she said exactly what you mentioned and that I was out of luck this time (I do believe that everything happens for a reason and this was sent to teach me a few things ie like I can get pregnant and this was always an initial fear for no other reason than I hadn’t found the right guy and time wasn’t 100% right before oh and 39!)
My sister in law has just experienced a miscarriage and she gave me the same advice about just waiting for a cycle or chances of miscarriage are increased if not. My partner works in Abu Dhabi so we have a natural time break anyway for my body to recover. We would like to try straight away (not become mechanical but it’s what we want).
Thank you all xxx

Welcome to the thread @elcie1980 and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. When is your TFMR booked for? I hope it goes as smoothly as these things can.

@peamad congratulations on your pregnancy, will be lovely to have a Christmas baby.

@Conorgog how are you feeling? Do you have a plan for when you’ll book in etc and get an early scan or are you just going to sit tight for a few weeks?

I suppose I’m technically in the TWW although we weren’t properly trying this month and the only time we DTD was very likely too early. I won’t test or anything unless I’m actually late by a few days.

Hey @DinoGreen

I’m okay, no ‘symptoms’ apart from boobs feeling fuller, (and I keep sort of checking them as an indicator 😂). According to the date we conceived I’m 5+1 so very very early still. - I miscarried at 7 weeks last time so will wait and see.

I did get a +3 weeks on the clear blue digital this morning so that’s good at least (in assuming they are reliable, and they are probably not!)

I’ve decided I’m not going to get an early scan, I feel like even if I do something could still go wrong the next day, will keep giving my boobs a squeeze to check if it’s there. (that was thing I noticed most last miscarriage). I have major scan anxiety about the 11/12 week one already. 🥴

I get you @Conorgog, I feel the same about having an early scan even though the screening midwife said I would be offered one next time. I had one with this baby (a private one) at 10 weeks and we came away so happy thinking everything was great when obviously it wasn’t and everything came crashing down two and a half weeks later at the NHS one.

Glad you’re currently largely symptom free, hope it stays that way!

How is everyone doing this week?

Im 6 weeks today and now have ‘symptoms’ very nauseous, and absolutely terrified as I felt the same in the pregnancy I terminated, nothing like my sons pregnancy where I had nothing.

Then I think I read on the ARC forum someone who had it happen twice and they were put on progesterone so better quality eggs implant about the now I’m worried that any old egg implants and I’m going to have to go through this again. And it’s still another 4/5 weeks till I will know anything. Feck it!

Hoping everyone is doing okay!

@Conorgog it's got to be normal to worry after what you've been through. Did you have a meeting about your future ttc?
I'm telling myself if I ever conceive again I'll just remember what they said about it being a very tiny chance of happening again. Of course it could, but I wouldn't expect to win the lottery twice and its that in reverse.
I'll be keeping all crossed for you!

Still rubbish here. Seem to be sinking further and further as we approach his birthday 😔

Morning all. Hope everyone is looking forward to the weekend. I have missed so much! My email notifications have stopped for some reason. 😕

How are you feeling @Conorgog? Hope you are doing well. That is a tough one about the due date but perhaps it will make the date positive again. My tfmr was on a good friends birthday. 😬 I hope you aren't too nauseous. I know how you feel though. I threw up a lot in my last pregnancy but nothing with DS. But I have so many friends who say their pregnancies, all healthy, were wildly different. 🤞

Welcome @peamad. Congratulations on being 35 weeks.

I have been doing opks still and got low fertility days 10, 11, 12 when they are typically high by now. Spent the week panicked about early menopause! Yesterday morning day 13 got a low then came home last night and thought I'd do another after work and got peak lh surge! Then again this morning peak again. Hoping I haven't missed the window again. First cycle after 40!!! 😭

I'm so sorry you going through this @Treaclepie19. Hope you are ok. I was on my way to work yesterday and for some reason just got a really sinking feeling and burst in to tears on the train. Awkward! I just wish I knew when it would fade to the back.

@JO138 well it's been nearly a year here and it generally is controllable and has been for a while. I'm just so resentful and angry still at what we've lost.
I'm sorry that happened ❤ It's horrid when the grief just hits.

@treaclepie19 "resentful" is a really good word. I just get very sad and pissed off when I think about what could have been...... It would have been a good age gap, my DS is desperate for a sibling, I would have been on mat leave after Christmas which would have worked out really well with other stuff we have going on, I wouldn't be trying to conceive after 40....And I just know that is now never going to be the reality and sometimes I just find really hard to be positive.

Thanks both, to say I’m freaking out is an understatement. It just feels exactly the same and I don’t know how to cope over the next 4 weeks until I can do a NIPT test. And then how to deal with if it has happened again. All I have kept reading is that people seem to experience more morning sickness when they have a chromosome issue. 😳

@JO138 I don’t have a tonne of Opk experience but that happened to me as well, don’t worry after all my menopause research it’s unlikely to be happening to you!

@Treaclepie19 hope your okay, sending a big big handhold.

@conorgog I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious. I can imagine being over the moon if I get pregnant again but that will be swiftly followed by blind panic I'm sure. Unfortunately we are at a higher risk because we've already had a t21 which is just epically unfair but your odds are still really good. You can't even have a glass of wine or massage to relax! Will be thinking of you and please stop googling, it only leads to anxiety...and more googling. ❤😉

@Conorgog I've had 3 pregnancies.
First one no symptoms, miscarried at 8+4.
Second was my DS who is now 4, very very nauseous and fairly sick.
Thirdly DS2 who was our TFMR. Nauseous but not as bad. No sickness.

I keep sending too soon!
Thanks for all the support ladies ❤ I really need it right now 😔

Hello 🙋🏻‍♀️
Am I ok to join you all? Hope you're all doing ok!
I recognise a few of you from the antenatal tests topic, and we're currently trying to conceive following TFMR of our baby boy in Oct 2018. Would be nice to huddle in with others who have sadly faced similar experiences... the whole thing terrifies me, 1. I don't know if we will ever have another child, 2. I'm scared of history repeating itself if it does

@GandTisgoodforme of course! Welcome! It's always good to have some extra fingers crossed for you!

It's an early Sunday for us as my husband had to head in to work and I'm sitting watching Dugee 😖 with DS and thinking about getting through another dreaded TWW. My least favourite time!

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

@conorgog I hope the nausea has subsided and you were able to distract yourself this weekend

@elcie1980 I hope you are ok. I was 39 when I had my tfmr and I turned 40 since then. My DS is 3 and I never planned on a 2nd until he was older and I realised how nice it would be for him to have a sibling. I was very nervous after the tfmr about being forever high risk if we try again. I went to see a consultant and she basically told me that it was as much about health as age and as I'm relatively fit and healthy not to worry. She basically said she has 25 year olds whose health and lifestyle makes them more high risk than me. Relaxed me a bit.

Hey @JO138

Still nauseous, still feeling dread that this is going to happen again, BUT I took on board (what you said), to step away from the researching and have given up slightly, as in what will be will be/has already happened and I can’t change anything and won’t know anything until about 5 weeks time. So if it is bad news then will just have to deal with it then. (If I make it that far).

Arrrrr two week wait, did you make an good go of it this time?! 😉 Crossing fingers, toes, arms, legs, everything for you.

If you don’t feel like it creates further pressure then please do report in for ‘symptoms’ love hearing about them.

Welcome @GandTisgoodforme, TTC is hard work, my Doctor said, ‘you have done it before so you can do it again’ (it was meant to be reassuring but I almost had more questions after it trying to break it down) 😂

Hope your doing okay @elcie1980, @DinoGreen, @Treaclepie19, @Mangoandbroccoli, and have managed to have a nice weekend!

@conorgog you are so right! It already is what it is and you can't influence now. Just take care of yourself. I googled like a mad woman back in July about any possible positive outcome. Your odds are so good that it will be absolutely fine! Don't forget for years high nausea was seen as a good sign of a strong baby. 😊

The early ovulation and no high fertility days before peak lh surge threw us a bit. If I followed my normal cycle I wouldn't ovulate until today! Sorry TMI but I got low fertility Thursday morning, came in from work around 8pm Thursday night and had a telltale sign of ovulation so I did another test and it was peak! I literally had a shower, stopped DH in the middle of cooking dinner and dragged him upstairs. 😋 We didn't manage Friday because DH was really under the weather but managed yesterday which I figure was probably 1dpo..... not sure if that's going to be enough but fingers crossed!! I kind of wish I was temping to understand when I ovulated but from what I understand after lh surge thursday night it was probably Friday night so hopefully Thursday and Saturday were enough. 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

Morning all, hope you’re coping ok with the nausea @Conorgog.

I’m nearing the end of my accidental TWW - AF due on around Tuesday to Thursday (my cycles aren’t exact). I’m not expecting anything - we only dtd once and it was only cycle day 10 which is too early. Considering it took us 18 months to conceive DS1, it would be a miracle if one accidental early incident resulted in a conception now! Then again, I’m always reading from the conception boards how sperm can live for 5 days and crazy things like that 😆 if, as I’m fully expecting, I’m not pregnant then I’m going to enjoy a boozy Christmas and then start TTC proper in the new year.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, we’ve put our tree up so feeling very festive now 🎄

Thank you ❤
I'm still struggling but trying my best. We put the tree up today too which was nice for our 4yo but just felt like someone was missing. Which of course he is :(
I have penguins with the names of both my boys on the tree but its heartbreaking that my 4yo has no clue who it is (as a typical 4yo he was just looking for his name).

@Conorgog thank you! 🙂
Haha, oh gosh, the times I've heard "it's happened once, it'll happen again" blah blah.. easy to say Mr Consultant, but my only positive pregnancy test after 3.5yrs of trying resulted in a chromosomal abnormal baby! Post TFMR - We've been trying since Jan 19 - no success yet, hitting the year mark next month. We've had tests and so forth, partner has borderline morphology issues. I've just had my 4th lap for endometriosis and 2nd tubal flush. I got pregnant 6 weeks after my 3rd lap, so without putting all my eggs in one basket, I'm secretly hoping for similar results this time, just certainly without having to go through TFMR again. Can honestly say that TFMR has been the most traumatic experience of my life, and no doubt lots of you feel the same way.
Sad thing is, even 13 months later, I still question whether they got the diagnosis right, as my combined screening results were so skewed to the point of where believing a confirmed CVS result was hard. It almost seemed like they totally input the wrong data into the algorithm... 🤷🏻‍♀️
Anyway I'm rambling!