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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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elcie1980 · 02/12/2019 12:44

Good Morning all

I hope you are all ok?
I am now 2 days post TFMR and I am feeling ok. Everything that we wanted to go ok happened exactly to our wishes... our little fella didn’t let us down.
We haven’t opted for anything official for him but we are planting a rose in the garden for our own memories.
He is part of our past and never forgotten in our future.
Take care of yourselves ladies and thank you for all support.

JO138 · 02/12/2019 13:18

@elcie1980 I'm just sitting on the couch having a little cry reading your post. I remember how tough those early days were and i really hope that you are holding up ok. I'm so glad that it went as well as it could. I think a rose is a lovely idea. These babies will be with us in our hearts and minds forever. Take care of yourself. Will be thinking of you. ❤

Treaclepie19 · 02/12/2019 13:45

Oh @elcie1980 Flowers
I'm glad everything went as you planned. Look after yourself. We're all here if you need us ❤

I'm currently awaiting my period. We didn't try at all this month and it's gone AWOL.
Bet it will come later in the week when it's most inconvenient 🙄

elcie1980 · 02/12/2019 13:48

Thank you for kind words....
My partner works in Abu Dhabi so my body and head has time to recover, and then we’ll see what 2020 brings x

elcie1980 · 02/12/2019 13:49

Ps... enjoy trying again 😘

Mini12 · 03/12/2019 14:48

Hi all just catching up with everyone's posts.

@Conorgog funny you say about being very sick when last pregnant as I had no symptoms at all to the point I wondered if I was pregnant!! Funny how there all so different! Hope you feel a bit more settled over past few days ,it's always going to be at the back of your mind, try to distract yourself as much as possible! I have my fingers crossed for you.

@elcie1980 I hope your feeling ok, sounds like it went as well as it could, funny I know what u mean in that way. I felt better in a sense after TFMR. I feel this thread really helped me through my whole experience x

GandTisgoodforme · 03/12/2019 16:32

Hope you're doing as well as you can be @elcie1980 Thanks

DinoGreen · 04/12/2019 11:44

Thinking of you @elcie1980. It’s such a rough time, I hope you’re doing as well as you can be in the circumstances.

@GandTisgoodforme good luck for your treatment. It took my DH and me 18 months to conceive our DS so I understand a little, although thankfully when we finally got tested it was a straightforward issue to fix. We conceived quickly the second time round though - it must have been even more awful for you to get the bad news and go through the tfmr if you’d been trying for a very long time. Fingers crossed for you.

DinoGreen · 05/12/2019 20:59

Hi ladies. I’m in a state of shock. My AF was due this week and hadn’t arrived yet so I just did a test (mainly because it’s my work Christmas party tomorrow so I thought I needed to know) and I’m pregnant. I actually can’t believe it. We literally dtd once on cycle day 10 which would normally be way too early. We’d had a few drinks and got carried away and forgot about protection. It took us 18 months of carefully timed trying with OPKs to conceive DS for goodness sake!

I’m not sure how I’m feeling. It’s a massive shock, and I didn’t think I was ready to try again yet. I’m going to be massively anxious about something bad happening again.

On the other hand, it feels like for it to have happened like this as an accident it must be meant to be.

Bloody hell.

JO138 · 05/12/2019 22:37

@DinoGreen that's amazing! Congratulations!

I've just come home from seeing a friend who announced she'd had her 12 week scan today after she'd giving up trying after 2 years of trying and a miscarriage.

These things do "just happen"!

Hope you are feeling well! Really happy for you! ❤

DinoGreen · 06/12/2019 06:58

Thanks @JO138, now that I’ve slept on it I’m feeling less shocked! I just never thought DH and I would be the kind of people to have an accident given how hard it was for us to TTC our DS. Tonight at the work Christmas do is going to be interesting ... I’m going to have to be a master of looking like I have a drink In my hand at all times whilst hardly actually sipping any of it.

Are you in your TWW now @JO138? And how are you doing @Conorgog?

Conorgog · 06/12/2019 07:30

@DinoGreen Waaaaaheyyyyyyyy!!! that’s so great, congratulations I’m absolutely thrilled for you, fingers crossed everything stays put and grows well. How many weeks/days does it make you? I’m always so confused by the calculation.

How you doing @JO138? Thinking of you

I’m good, 7 weeks today, nausea that comes and goes and rock hard boobs 😳. I have my first midwife appointment next week, so will see what’s on offer in terms of NIPT tests etc, does anyone know when the optimal date to take the NT measurement is? Is it 11 weeks? I’m booked in for the 3rd of January at this stage...

OP posts:
DinoGreen · 06/12/2019 07:52

Thanks @Conorgog 😊 I’m only 4 weeks so super super early. In a couple of weeks I’m going to ring the screening midwives and ask when I should get booked in etc. I want to do the NIPT as early as possible - I think we might be entitled to it on the nhs because of last time but I’m not sure, even if we’re not I’ll pay for it privately because I need that reassurance this time. I think it can be done around 10/11 weeks? And I think the NT can be done between 11 and 13 weeks but I don’t know if there’s an “optimum” time for that.

Glad to hear you’re feeling ok if a little nauseous. Keeping everything crossed for us both!

JO138 · 06/12/2019 08:06

@Conorgog @dinogreen

Morning!

Yes I'm in the TWW. I don't think we have much chance this month because I was doing opks and went from low in the morning to peak in the evening Day 13 so figure we only managed once before ovulation and ond after. I'm day 21 now. I'm not sure if AF will be due 3 days early because I ovulated 3 days earlier than normal???? Either way it's due either a week from today or Monday. Going to try and refrain from testing for the next week.....she says!

When I went to see the consultant that did my tfmr she told me to call "when" I got a BFP and then she would book me for an 8 week scan and a harmony test on the NHS at 10 weeks.

Hope you are both feeling well. X

SylvanianFrenemies · 06/12/2019 20:12

Congratulations @dinogreen!

Living children mentioned.

I just had a positive test too. I am only CD27 but tested as I've had a strong feeling of being pregnant for the last few days. It has felt more like my 2 successful pregnancies than my miscarriage or my pregnancy with Ds, which ended in tfmr.

Haven't even told DP yet as the kids are still up. I am excited, but keep telling myself not to get my hopes up.

DinoGreen · 06/12/2019 23:03

Wow @SylvanianFrenemies congratulations! Yay I’m so excited to have some buddies in this crazy anxious journey. Have you told your DH now and is he pleased too?

Mangoandbroccoli · 07/12/2019 08:24

Hi ladies, I haven't been receiving notifications this week for some reason and I've missed so much!! Congratulations @DinoGreen and @SylvanianFrenemies!! I have no doubt what a rollercoaster it must be but still so pleased for you both 🥰

Glad you're doing well @Conorgog! I was also told I could have an early reassurance scan if wanted plus the NIPT on the NHS from 10 weeks. I'm assuming they then don't even do the combined test as that's less accurate?

I'm currently a week in to the tww. Hoping this is a lucky Christmas thread 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Mangoandbroccoli · 07/12/2019 08:45

@JO138 Those seem like pretty good timings to be in with a chance! AF should indeed be 3 days earlier - whereas the time between cd1 and ovulation changes each month for each woman and can vary greatly from one woman to the next, the number of days between ovulation and period is almost always the same for each woman individually and is typically 14 days for all. So basically, 3 fewer days to wait, woohoo! 🤞🏼

Conorgog · 07/12/2019 09:23

Hmmm I’ve stopped getting notifications too, weird.

Congratulations @SylvanianFrenemies thats so wonderful.

@Mangoandbroccoli how are you? Are you still in TWW or new cycle?

@JO138 as above I think yes AF should technically appear 3 days earlier but she’s a mysterious beast so wouldn’t be unlikely to be late potentially. Big hand hold and everything crossed for you. Step away from the tests! X

OP posts:
DinoGreen · 07/12/2019 11:04

Yeah my notifications have been playing up too, a few times I’ve had to go and look for the thread again!

Keeping everything crossed for you both @JO138 and @Mangoandbroccoli.

I’m going to tell my DM today - last time round I didn’t tell her until I was about 10 weeks when we’d had an early scan but this time I need her support! Also told my best friend. One person we definitely won’t be telling is DS - made that mistake last time and it was not good.

JO138 · 07/12/2019 14:22

Hello all!

Big congratulations @sylvanianfremenies

Wouldn't that be a great xmas present! Will keep fingers crossed for us both @Mangoandbroccoli

So if it's early AF due on Friday! 6 long days to go! I will definitely be trying to stay away from the tests @Conorgog. I have none in the house so just need to get through the week! But restraint in this department is not my strong suit! 🤭

I have been really tired and incredibly moody and had very low appetite. Almost killed my DH last night when he came in from his work xmas lunch at 8pm annoyed that I had eaten without him. But for 2 days literally everything is pissing me of......not sure if that's a sign of anything. 🤞🤞🤞 I'm on the couch watching Peppa right now with DS because I am just shattered.

ugh I have to say though I think a BFN at XMAS will be a tough one. I'm starting to get a bit deflated......

Ruthsoph · 08/12/2019 07:37

Hi ladies - I have a medical termination 3 weeks ago - my daughter Violet was 18 weeks and it was detected that she has mosaic Down Syndrome and a poorly heart - it was the worst and saddest time of my life - can I ask how long did you wait to try again? I haven’t had a period yet so would you wait for that and then try? Nothing will ever replace Violet but I want another child and being the age of 42 I feel I can’t hang around too long
I am so sorry that we are all on this group in the first place xxx

SylvanianFrenemies · 08/12/2019 07:59

Thank you everyone for the congratulations. I have managed to get a moment to tell DO - he's happy, but scared of something going wron g, of course.

@Ruthsoph I am so sorry about your lovely Violet. I can certainly relate to where you are now as I had a tfmr early this year at 18w as my little boy had Downs and heart/other organ issues. I am 42 now.

We haven't exactly TTC as we already have living children and weren't sure trying again. However we haven't used contraception, and decided recently that we would try until January. And here I am 4 weeks pregnant.

My postnatal bleeding was quite a few weeks and we went back to having sex regularly as soon as it finished. I didn't track ovulation or anything. I would imagine that if you did do some sort of monitoring you could be pregnant again quite soon. If that's your aim, please embrace that. Wanting a child in your arms isn't a slight on the one you have lost. I'd say the opposite - once you know the feelings you can have its only natural to want to try again.

I think the only reason to wait for a period is to help with dating the pregnancy.

Ruthsoph · 08/12/2019 18:58

@SylvanianFrenemies thank you for your kind words - I am sorry for your loss too

As Christmas is approaching does anyone sign Christmas cards with their angel babies names in? I want to do this just to family as it’s only family and close friends that know what has happened but wondered what everyone else is doing ? Xx

Mini12 · 08/12/2019 19:04

Hi all just catching up again, @DinoGreen that's amazing news! So happy for you!!! Fingers crossed for you @JO138 and Also congrats to @SylvanianFrenemies!!!

@Ruthsoph so sorry for your loss and you find yourself in this page .. although hopefully will give you support too!

I'm on my second period post TFMR and decided that after this we will try again...nervous but excited fingers crossed for everyone trying and pregnant !