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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dump someone because he couldnt get it up?

217 replies

bohbohboh · 06/02/2010 14:09

It wasn't a problem which cropped up after a long relationship together it was a problem from day one. He said it was nerves but after the 9th time trying I began to get frustrated and rather annoyed!!

I couldnt take anymore after he asked me to try being on top and it was literally like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube and completely creeped me out.

I have name changed for this

OP posts:
insertexpletive · 06/02/2010 14:11

Grow up!

Goblinchild · 06/02/2010 14:14

It might be kinder to him to dump him if you are only focused on one thing.

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 06/02/2010 14:15

"literally like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube"

pmsl - my cousin once said this to me about a bloke she was seeing

tethersend · 06/02/2010 14:25

Like thumbing an oyster into a slot machine.

Have been there.

YANBU.

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/02/2010 14:27

No sympathy here I'm afraid. Poor man. How about trying to help him rather than dumping him? How would he respond to some loving, non-demanding attention I wonder?

MrsSawdust · 06/02/2010 14:29

Lots of men have erectile problems. If you care about him you'll cut him some slack and help him relax around you, not putting any pressure on him to 'perform'.

If you don't care about him, let him go.

Imagine it was the other way around ie you (the woman) had issues with intimacy or simply wanted to wait until you were sure before taking that step. A man who wouldn't wait for you, or showed no patience and understanding about your issues, would be labelled on here as an utter prick and not worth bothering with.

shockers · 06/02/2010 14:41

How brave of him to keep trying. I can't help feeling sorry for the poor bloke.

Must have been very frustrating for both of you but I hate the word "dump" unless someone has been an utter bastard so with that in mind, YABU.

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 06/02/2010 14:43

were there any other problems within the relationship bohbohboh?

Paolosgirl · 06/02/2010 14:44

Isn't the OP a bit of a no-brainer?

famishedass · 06/02/2010 14:54

Blimey I think you're being a bit hard on the OP some of you (no pun intended)

Without sex, their is no relationship so no YANBU.

I wouldn't have bothered again after the first attempt sorry.

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/02/2010 14:56

I don't agree that there is no relationship without sex.

But if that is the OP's opinion, fair enough. The thought that then goes through my mind is, does he have other qualitites that make it worth your while trying to help him with his problems? Or are you only out for what you can get?

Bensmum76 · 06/02/2010 14:57

Yep, would have done the same OP, YANBU, and I agree with famishedass that some of the replies have been a wee bit harsh.

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 06/02/2010 15:00

is as the op said they havent established a meaningful relationship yet - the beginning of one usually has a lot to do with sex! but i dont agree that thats all there is!

ImSoNotTelling · 06/02/2010 15:02

YANBU - you haven't been going out very long, I wuoldn't pursue it if I were you either.

tethersend · 06/02/2010 15:03

I'm not sure beginning a relationship 'helping' someone is particularly healthy, TBH. Different if you've been together a while.

Mumcentreplus · 06/02/2010 15:04

couldn't he just eat ya Fanjo?..he might be nervous..although 9 times?? ..have you asked him if its a amedical issue?..you have to be 'straight up'..its the beginning of your realtionship so it should be easier ( sorry!)

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/02/2010 15:05

Ok, I will butt out of this discussion then. I find this culture of "he is crap in bed, dump him" very disturbing, but I think, sorry know I am way behind the times here.

RockbirdandHerSpork · 06/02/2010 15:07

Nice person you sound OP . If you don't give a toss about him, then dump him. Easy peasy. If you actually care about him then it might be an idea to actually find out why he has this problem and see what can be done to help him. You pumping yourself silly on him in the hope of a reaction obviously isn't cutting it. So, decide how important he is to you and take it from there. It may be that I'm being hard on you but your OP doesn't sound particularly caring or bothered about him to me.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 06/02/2010 15:11

If I started a sexual relationship with someone and they had erectile issues I'd have to be totally overwhelmingly in love with him to put the effort in. I'd give it a good go but I wouldn't keep trying indefinitely. Sorry.

Paolosgirl · 06/02/2010 15:13

Of course, it may be that he simply didn't fancy you

famishedass · 06/02/2010 15:14

RockbirdandHerSpork - she's not his counsellor - if he needs help he's an adult he goes to a doctor and gets help. Not bung all his baggage on someone else. And she clearly does care otherwise she wouldn't have tried 9 times already.

foxinsocks · 06/02/2010 15:14

No I agree with dumbledore. Poor poor bloke, what an awful way to treat another human being. But I think he's the one that's escaped lightly tbh. Rather he's with someone that is interested in other things and is happy to work on that area tbh.

famishedass · 06/02/2010 15:16

For christs sake - it's his fucking problem for him to deal with. Not something to pass on to his next girlfriend for her to deal with.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 06/02/2010 15:16

Why is awful to end a relationship with no sexual chemistry? Fucking hell - he needs to go to the doctor and get himself some sex therapy if necessary. Why the fuck are women supposed to be all self sacrificing and put their sexual needs aside for someone they aren't even committed to? Pah.

BalloonSlayer · 06/02/2010 15:17

sorry but I snurked at "cut him some slack."