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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dump someone because he couldnt get it up?

217 replies

bohbohboh · 06/02/2010 14:09

It wasn't a problem which cropped up after a long relationship together it was a problem from day one. He said it was nerves but after the 9th time trying I began to get frustrated and rather annoyed!!

I couldnt take anymore after he asked me to try being on top and it was literally like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube and completely creeped me out.

I have name changed for this

OP posts:
Ziggurat · 06/02/2010 17:41

"The OP didn't mention anything else wrong. Just the limp dick. So we all assumed that was the only issue."

It is the only issue.

9 shags in, and no actual relationship to speak of, it's enough.

Mumcentreplus · 06/02/2010 17:44

But if limp dick was the only problem so what?..

OrmRenewed · 06/02/2010 17:49

ziggurat said "Of course if the OP was really into him, felt that falling in love with him might be possible, etc, etc, then surely she'd persevere. "

And as she wants to end it over the LD issue then there clearly is something else missing. If I had just met the man of my dreams that I could see myself being with for the rest of my days, I wouldn't let a floppy manhood put me off. Probably.

Eurostar · 06/02/2010 17:52

Don't know if it counts as a deep and meaningful conversation but I'd be asking a few questions like, have you been to the Dr to rule out a physical reason? Or is this something that often happens with you early in a relationship?

I once had a great shag buddy who had hardly been able to get it up until the age of 25 he told me due to a bad experience trying to lose his virginity and he finally got over it with a supportive woman. I owe her some thanks

If you think he has potential I'd be having a serious conversation and insisting on a trip to the Dr before we tried to get it on for lucky 10.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 17:53

I agree Orm, if everthing else is right and he was 'the one' in every other way, sorry for being a bit yucky but my vocab is a bit bad today, than a floppy manhood would not put me off one little bit.

OrmRenewed · 06/02/2010 17:54

** provided he agree to do something about it in the longer term that is.

Mumcentreplus · 06/02/2010 17:54

everyone is different and our experiences and issues shape our decisions..I have never been in the OPs position but I wont judge her if she feels she cant handle it and chooses to walk away..

I dont think its that clear..because someone finds good sex a deal breaker is an individual thing..does not make anyone better or worse

Ziggurat · 06/02/2010 17:57

Aaaarrrghghhh!!

Exactly!!! We're agreeing, for God's sake!

There clearly is something missing, so why the hell is she being considered unreasonable to want to end it and move on??

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:09

The OP is not U its the way in which she put herself across, not very well imo. She sounded harsh, selfish and insensitive, especially the bit where she said

"it was literally like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube and completely creeped me out" wtf, why should it creep you out

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:12

Nobody would think less of her if she walks away, its her choice, he sounds like he does not mean much to her anyway, and that there does not seem to be a chemistry there.

Mumcentreplus · 06/02/2010 18:33

"it was literally like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube and completely creeped me out"

should she pretend it doesn't creep her out?

I really dont think she was particularly wicked during her post..very honest,blunt..but not that horrible

BalloonSlayer · 06/02/2010 18:35

'"it was literally like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube and completely creeped me out" wtf, why should it creep you out'

piglet take it from me, having someone trying to fuck you with a limp dick that won't even go in, and who appears to be pretending there is nothing wrong and hoping you won't notice - is deeply unpleasant.

BalloonSlayer · 06/02/2010 18:36

... ahem ... sorry to lower tone.

expatinscotland · 06/02/2010 18:40

LOL @ 'LD'.

Honestly, though, people say, 'If it were the man of my dreams I'd perservere,' but that's a chicken and egg scenario because if penetrative sex is important to you and he's got LD, then by default he's not really the man of your dreams, eh?

'9 shags in, and no actual relationship to speak of, it's enough'

9 tries. Sounds like there was no actual shag because there was no actual 'in'.

lovechoc · 06/02/2010 18:41

OP you should try and learn some patience. DH had this problem before marriage when we started dating - turns out it was only nerves and after a few attempts it was definately worth the wait!! I get full blown orgasms and have the best sex life I could possibly imagine. No probs with him 'getting it up' ever since the beginning stages.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:42

Well she could have put herself across in a better way, a flasher would creep me out or being followed home by someone not very nice but not trying to have sex with someone who cannot get it up. It might be uncomfortable or off putting. The op did not come across very well sorry

expatinscotland · 06/02/2010 18:42

I'd say 9 tries is pretty patient.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:46

Well i guess i look at other qualities apart from sex to make my ideal man, obviously to the op one of those qualities was good sex which did not happen here. But as lovechoc says a bit of patience and understanding if everything else is right can go a long way. Obviousl not with the op though.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:48

9 tries all at once no good imo makes things worse, the more you try the more it gets worse.

UnquietDad · 06/02/2010 18:50

I think people are misunderstanding those who are being sympathetic to the chap's problem.

We're not necessarily saying she needs to make it "her problem". But if she wants a relationship with him - i.e if everything else about him is good and right for her - then it is surely their problem.

Dumping someone because they have a problem not of their own making is not nice. But either she wants a relationship with him or she does not. That is the issue.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:50

No from the tone of the op she does not sound very understanding and patient to me making.

Mumcentreplus · 06/02/2010 18:52

a few = about 3/4 attempts

lovechoc · 06/02/2010 18:55

"9 tries all at once no good imo makes things worse, the more you try the more it gets worse."

sorry but that's utter tripe. I've been in this situation and a little understanding certainly does go a long way. By discussing it together and finding out the route of the problem and learning to relax more, amazing things can happen.

It's women like the OP who give men like this a bad name and actually give them more of a complex each time, because they feel even worse than the time before each time they are being rejected because they couldn't 'get it up'.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 18:55

OP has not said if she wants a long term relationship with him or if she likes him and his other qualities. If she doesent than she should dump him, he is not right, but if its just the getting an erection and she likes him in every other way and would like a long term relationship with him than can will work through this together. Its not an all or nothing.

Mumcentreplus · 06/02/2010 18:57

I think she has been understanding and patient because this is a subject that has not been discussed...they need to talk..badly.. and he needs to stop pretending that its normal..

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