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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want any parents staying with their children at my daughters party in my house

211 replies

brook1 · 08/12/2009 17:01

My daughter is having her 7th birthday party this weekend and all together I will have around 15 children in the house.

So far, about 6 of the mums from school have asked me if they will be able to stay with their daughter because she doesnt really like being left anywhere. I have politely said that its a bit difficult really because my home is not particularly large and if I say yes to one of the mums then I would have to say yes to all of them. Her reply was that she will try to leave her but if she gets upset then she will have to stay with her.

Also, one of the mums is notorious for bringing her 2 year old and elder child along to all parties. She has asked if she can bring them because her DH is working. I just think its really cheeky. The thing is, many of the mums have other children and I appreciate that they cannot all get someone to look after the other children. However, this is my home, not a play centre.

AIBU to think that if their child is not willing to be left then sadly they dont go to the party. FWIW, I speak to these mums in the playground but am not particularly close friends with them. And I dont really fancy them all sitting around watching me do party games and things with the children in my home.

In the past I have hired a hall or something but, this was just meant to be a small tea-party for around 5-7 that has escalated so now I'm making it into a disco. And I am unable to hire anywhere now at such short notice.

OP posts:
cumbria81 · 08/12/2009 17:02

YANBU- how rude! If the child doesn't want to stay over alone they don't stay. Simple as!

EccentricaGallumbits · 08/12/2009 17:04

NU. at 7 it's high time to branch out and party alone. parents are probably wrried you'll feed them fruitshoots and non organic sausagerolls.

purpleturtle · 08/12/2009 17:04

YANBU.

Do these mothers stay at school all day too?

DecorHate · 08/12/2009 17:05

At 7 they are plenty old enough to be left. I've never heard of parents staying at that age. When they arrive, stand at the door blocking it and say very firmly that pickup is at 4pm or whatever and then shut the door!

Original poster
brook1 · 08/12/2009 17:05

Good point purple! Aaarrggg!! I feel so uncomfortable with it all. How can I be straight with them without coming across horrible?

OP posts:
2shoes · 08/12/2009 17:07

unless sn was involved(I did sn parties so all parents stayed) yanbu

Sassybeast · 08/12/2009 17:07

YANBU at all.

Hullygully · 08/12/2009 17:08

Oh poor you. What is wrong with them?? They should be jumping at the chance to offload a dc for a bit. Seven is plenty old enough to come unaccompanied. Stick with the no space line.

Pikelit · 08/12/2009 17:08

YANBU. This is a seventh birthday party. Don't be persuaded into allowing siblings either. You aren't running a creche.

DecorHate · 08/12/2009 17:08

Someone I know sent out an email to all the parents after she'd had similar requests, basically saying that her house was too small to accommodate parents and siblings and she hoped that the child would still be able to come along but that she understood if the invite had to be declined!

TheFoosa · 08/12/2009 17:08

yanbu, they fling and run around here (as it should be)

Original poster
brook1 · 08/12/2009 17:10

Great, glad you all agree. So, now, can you help me with what I say. For instance, the conversation with one mum went like this :-

mum : She probably wont want me to leave her.
Me : well if you leave your number I can always call you. Am sure she'll be fine.
mum : No, its ok, I will just stay, its not worth the tears.
Me: The thing is, if I say yes to you then I would have to say yes to the other mums and I dont really have the room to be honest.
Mum: Well she definitely wont be left.
Me : Ok, well lets just see on the day eh?

OP posts:
IndigoSky · 08/12/2009 17:10

Sounds like they fancy an afternoon chatting amongst themselves and drinking tea/coffee/wine in your house while you entertain their children.

YANBU.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/12/2009 17:11

YANBU. If the mum is worried, let her leave a contact phone number in case there's any problems.

If anyone insists on staying, then it has to be in the kitchen NOT in the party room.

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 08/12/2009 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 08/12/2009 17:12

Blimey!

Mine would have been mortified at that age if I´d asked to stay!

LastTrainToNowhere · 08/12/2009 17:15

Tell the mum to dress her daughter up in several hundred layers of cotton wool and LEAVE! At 7, it really is very strange to have a parent staying back, unless it's a designated adult helper (helping mum, not their own child iyswim)

Pikelit · 08/12/2009 17:15

I wouldn't even offer the kitchen, to be honest. I think you've set the tone of the conversation very well too with "let's see on the day".

Tidey · 08/12/2009 17:15

If the children were 4 or under, it would be understandable. Seven yr olds should be able to cope with being left with someone else, especially for something as nice as a birthday party. How the hell do these parents get their kids to school if they 'won't be left'??

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/12/2009 17:16

SAgree with the others - sod having a load of mums sat around drinking tea whilst throwing beady looks in my direction as I entertain their children with pas the parcel or whatever.

Say if they do not want to be left it is a shame but hey ho she will just have to come next year.

And DON'T accept siblings over the threshold.

Greensleeves · 08/12/2009 17:18

I'm going to disagree (not forcefully!) - I always let parents and siblings stay if they want to. My house isn't very big 0 normal 3-bed end terrace with 1 loo - but it's only for a couple of hours and we all budge up and people can sit on the floor. I wouldn't want anyone to feel unwelcome or any child to have a bad time because they didn't like being left among strangers. Being left at school is very different from being left in somebody else's home - and many children DO find it difficult to be left at school, until they are used to it and know people there with whom they feel safe

I usually do wine and nibbles for parents too. I don't actively entertain them though, I concentrate on the kids - and draft in spare adults to do stuff as well

Buda · 08/12/2009 17:20

At 7???? No way.

And I am precious only child mum who stayed at parties and playdates! When he was 4/5. NOT 7.

I think you have handled it well but if you have email addresses or mobile numbers I would send a message out saying that unfortunately your house is far to small for parents and or siblings to stay and that you will have all their numbers to call if there is a problem.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/12/2009 17:20

Oh Greensleeves you are showing us up by being so reasonable friendly and welcoming

Original poster
brook1 · 08/12/2009 17:21

Getorfmoiland - you are right, but when someone is at your front door smiling politely asking if you mind, its not that easy to be blunt.

I mean, how ridiculous is it that her daughter doesnt like being left, so she wants to stay with her, and bring siblings aswell because she has no-one to look after them.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 08/12/2009 17:22

Oh I know Brook - I am probably of the persuasion that will let them in all smiles and then seethe for about 8 years about the whole thing!

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