to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

[wook]

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

think she's in the wrong job

TOTALLY in the wrong job

Yeah, she must spend a lot of time saying that. Hope she is quick at ducking.

I apologised for saying 'fuck' whilst having coil inserted, but my GP just told me 'Don't worry, sweet, let it out'. Besides, I think there is scientific evidence that swearing helps relieve pain. Get involved, NCT.

YANBU. What a fcking cow.
You should have told her "WE will have less of the fcking language when YOU trade places with me and I get to tell you off!!"
What a pious, up-her-own-arse bitch.

Ok, so how did the rest of the labour go? Did you have a boy or a girl? Everybody healthy?

at "swearing helps relieve pain"

(NO scientific evidence but I think I agree with you!)

It's meant to help too, isn't it? When I was having DD I was told not to be so restrained. To "screech" even

DS's birth was really painful and I went with the positive anger advice all the way. I'm actually embarrassed when I meet people who have DC his age in case they were on the ward at the time and heard the filth I was coming out with.

Oops, yes. Congrats!

YANBU, ridiculous pious behaviour by MW.

It wasn't directed at her, it wasn't abusive. You were in a lot of pain.

I'm not entirely certain she was out of order. But then OTOH, I do't think you should have been more dignified, either!

When I wa sin labour with dd I had a panicky moment when I was afraid I was going to be left alone (which at the same time I knew was complete nonsense, but hten I doubt many of us are totally sane from transition onwards) and I started shouting as loudly as I could, making a big fuss, so that I would not be left alone.

A dr came in, held me firmly but gently, and gave me a stern talking-to. I must control myself, I was upsetting other labouring women, etc etc. Dh told me later that he was furious with her. But at that moment, she did exactly what I needed, and I calmed down and focused on giving birth.

YANBU, she sounds a right old bag. I think it was proved that swearing relives pain, might have been on Brainiac but still

Hope it all turned out OK for you.

relieves pain more like! Christ, that couldn't be any more of an inappropriate spelling glitch!

I too was told not to shout as I was upsetting other labouring women. What they expected me to do during a labour which was too fast for them to get the anaesthetist out of theatre and caused a ventouse delivery, internal tears and bleeding and risk of death without pain relief I don't know!

To my eternal and genuine shame, according to my exDH I called the doctor a black bitch. I don't remember doing so and am mortified, not least as I was brought up in a very mixed race area and honestly don't give a monkeys about skin colour and never ever have.

That was nearly 15 years ago and I am still terribly ashamed of myself for that remark... but for swearing? No! I probably taught the staff a whole new vocabulary but by god it should have been understandable.

congratulations on baby,yes mw being too prissy your expletives were understandable.

I didn't swear during either of my labours, both superfast, I couldn't through my gritted teeth lol but afterwards said to the midwife I should probably "try getting to this fucking place a bit fucking earlier to see what all these fucking drugs were they talked about at the fucking classes!" She just smiled, she was lovely and I was laughing at the time!

Apparently I was swearing then apologising (don't remember myself). Am a little embarrassed about the apologising, but not the language!!

YANBU.

The midwife didn't care about the swearing, but she did tell me not to scream with pain (and after the epidural had totally failed to work) . I do remember explaining very calmly and deliberately between contractions, it hurts I am going to scream.

I think "Go fuck yourself, you fucking FUCK" would have been an appropriate response. She sounds like a controlling bitch from hell.

Congratulations!

And YA soooo NBU!!!!

Sounds like she was a tad lacking in the empathy department.

I didn't swear, I blasphemed!

lol at fairycake's appropriate retort!

you were not unreasonable to swear, where is the dignity in labour/giving birth?

The mw was wrong, and I remember having a really horrible moment after I gave birth to my pfb, when an auxiliary asked me if I had a girl or boy, when I told her a little girl, she turned and said to her colleague "all girls are bitches" - still bugs me, dd is 8!

I did complain, to my local mw, not sure what happened about it though.

apparently I screamed "fucking hell" so loud my sister came running from the opposite end of the (very long) corridor when DS crowned!!

she's now scarred for life and doesn't want to have her own kids (she'll get over it!)

Amazingly I only swore about 5 times in labour - I think actual words were too much for me to form .

I was advised not to make such a "terrible" moaning noise as apparently I would have "an awful sore throat tomorrow" ??!! It wasn't my throat I was most worried about hurting, I have to say!

I wouldn't have thought midwifery was the job for you if you didn't like to hear bad language. Unless you only attended Scientology births...

YANB fucking A

Or even fucking U (it is early )