Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

216 replies

wook · 12/11/2009 22:46

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

OP posts:
fernie3 · 13/11/2009 06:45

I didnt swear (that I remember) but did shout ALOT with my first and third no on said a thing but with my second the miwdife told me "theres no need to shout now is there" I shouted even louder just to prove her wrong.

chimchar · 13/11/2009 06:54

i cringe when i think of my language with my 10lb dd! i remember screaming "MOTHER FUCKERSSSSSSS" really loudly, and then apologising over and over until the next pain...honestly, i have a foul mouth at the best of times, but i really did excell myself then!

so in short, no, yaNb even a teeny bu.

congrats on your new baby btw!

Bellsa · 13/11/2009 07:02

Congratulations. YANBU. At all. But then I swear all the fucking time anyway!

cornsilkwearscorsets · 13/11/2009 07:06

YANBU. Cheeky fucker.

girlsyearapart · 13/11/2009 07:14

yanbu.

According to my sister I said 'I can't fucking well push anymore'

In my defence I had just pushed out 9lb of baby, and was left losing blood for an hour after. It was the placenta they were getting me to push.

one MROP in theatre and one blood transfusion later I feel justified!

Congrats- what did you have?

Longtalljosie · 13/11/2009 07:25

I did apologise to my midwife after the birth for saying "fuck" so often. She just smiled and said "but it's the only word that hits the spot, isn't it?"

She was fab...

StealthPolarBear · 13/11/2009 07:26

an auxiliary asked me if I had a girl or boy, when I told her a little girl, she turned and said to her colleague "all girls are bitches"
that's so awful

mummygirl · 13/11/2009 08:06

When my midwife asked me to breathe normally at 9cm I shouted 'stop telling me how to breathe" and hit her on the head with the G&A mask. Inappropriate, I know, but I wasn't thinking, it was almost as if I it wasn't me who was there. She kept being nice and supporting. That's what they're supposedly there for.

Giving birth is f*ing painful and IMO you shouldn't have to worry about your behaviour while you're in so much pain you wish you were dead.

so, no YABU at all

mummygirl · 13/11/2009 08:08

I need to clarify, I kinda tapped her/pushed away from me with the mask, rather than hit her

CaptainUnderpants · 13/11/2009 08:11

So what would have happened if at the same time as swearing you had a bowel movement !

All part of childbirth !

brimfull · 13/11/2009 08:31

I swore as I was pushing dd out , said fuck-fuck-fuck and got told off by pious midwife who reminded me she was a christian and pointed to her fish badge
I was so annoyed at the time and have never forgotten it.

2shoes · 13/11/2009 08:31

yanbu
I swore a lot and called the midwife nursie

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 13/11/2009 08:37

"mummygirl Fri 13-Nov-09 08:06:09
When my midwife asked me to breathe normally at 9cm I shouted 'stop telling me how to breathe" and hit her on the head with the G&A mask"

heeee

JackBauer · 13/11/2009 08:38

YANBU.
I had the strongest urge to push with DD2, MW told me not to be so silly, I was nowhere near ready and not to push at all.

I started screaming as it really hurt, to be told,'Don't be so silly, Jack, you'll wear yourself out if you keep this up'
So I pushed, turns out it was my waters bulging, and they burst everywhere.
MW says, oh look, your waters have burst to which I replied
'No fucking SHIT, sherlock'

She swapped with another MW a few mins later...thank god.

hazeyjane · 13/11/2009 08:44

In the antenatal classes that we had the MW said, 'try to avoid swearing at the MW, she is trying to help you.' I remember meeting up with everyone after our births, and we all said we hadn't sworn. I know I am the only voice of dissent here, but I kind of think it is best to avoid swearing - I bellowed and grunted like a water buffalo though

thesecondcoming · 13/11/2009 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivia · 13/11/2009 08:57

Ha ha ha Jack!

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 13/11/2009 09:02

YANBU.

My auntie said this in labour (to her husband):

"You fucking raped me you bastard!"

and she wasn't told off by anyone.

Of course, he didn't, but I though it was quite funny when I heard

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 13/11/2009 09:02

*thought

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/11/2009 09:21

Your midwife would of loved me then, inbetween gurning and waving one arm and leg about as if I was at Gatecrasher. (Pethidine was just like E! Scary...) I was demanding an "Epi-fucking-dural" About 10 minutes later DS appeared!
Congrats.

Champagneforlunch · 13/11/2009 09:45

The midwife told me she didn't think I was as far on as I said I was because I wasn't swearing enough(I needed to push, she didn't believe me told me I'd be a while yet without examining me then came back 15 minutes later and asked me why I didn't tell her I was having the baby, very nearly swore at her then) because I wasn't swearing enough, promised I'd be better next time.

mummygirl · 13/11/2009 11:02

Champagneforlunch , I've never heard of this method before, is this how midwives are being trained now? I thought they had to check for centimetres of dilation. So, how many times do you have to say f**k before you're ready to push?? Stupid MW! You should have sworn at her!

octopusinabox · 13/11/2009 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kathyis12feethighandbites · 13/11/2009 11:19

I don't think I swore in labour - in fact, I seem to remember singing the songs from Camberwick Green
But of course YANBU! MW was out of order.

easyoptionwoman · 13/11/2009 11:28

Fucking hell if you are in labour you can say what the fuck you want. You have behaved exactly like a woman giving birth and she was definately out of order. Don't even get me started on midwives. I know they can't all be robotic, unfeeling and patronising but have only encountered a handful who actually display any compassion. It seems if you say or do anything that doesn't meet the party line you are labelled as "difficult". I gave birth to 3 children but you would think I had asked for a lobotomy the way they treated me.
End of rant.
Congratulations and enjoy your beautiful baby.