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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

216 replies

wook · 12/11/2009 22:46

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

OP posts:
Georgimama · 13/11/2009 22:09

Oh right, well that's just me so obviously my view has no validity whatsoever. Thanks for that. Obviously my labour would have gone much more smoothly if I had bitten my birth partner and called the MW a fucking cunt.

Glad to know that for next time.

MadameDefarge · 13/11/2009 22:14

Don't be silly. your labour was your labour. But no, your opinion does not have any validity when it comes to other women's labour.

You did not swear. Neither did I. Mostly because I was in such shock at the whole process. I wish I had now.

That's all.

I'm sure gym instructors manage to get over their client's occasional 'fuck that's hard". Or whatever.

gobsmackedetal · 13/11/2009 22:39

Georgiimama, you say you're not arrogant but you sooo are. It's obvious from all your posts that you look down on women because they lose control of what's socially acceptable to say during labour. And you look down on them becaue YOU believe you've experienced something more painful than labour, almost telling everyone on this thread that they have no idea what pain is.

BTW, I've shuttered my shoulderblade once, dislodged my knee, chipped my perfect pedicure, I have plenty of mundane painful stories to share, but I know that on this thread NOONE CARES!

NonnoMum · 13/11/2009 22:42

I managed NOT to swear during my labours but was very surprised to hear a mooing cow in the room - only to realise later it was me...

Georgimama · 13/11/2009 22:44

Did I say I thought no one on this thread had any idea what pain was? I don't think so. I think someone told me that if I was able to give birth without shouting and screaming then I must have had an easy labour. I didn't have an easy labour but nor was it the worst pain I ever had. That's my labour experience. I just suggested that shouting and swearing is not necessarily all that beneficial to anyone.

Hope your pedicure recovered.

gobsmackedetal · 13/11/2009 22:48

Gosh, thankfully it did, I had it done for my wedding,how stressful it all was

MadameDefarge · 13/11/2009 22:49

You know Georgia, I was really warming to you until your last sentence.

Georgimama · 13/11/2009 22:51

Oh shucks. What a pity.

MadameDefarge · 13/11/2009 23:03

No, Georgia, I am not letting you get away with that. I had an unutterably shit labour, induced, baby presented with a totally unexpected complication, terrible reconstructive surgery afterwards.. And I never swore.

But, By fuck, I had every right to.

when you are in the delivery suite, you are the person that counts. Not the midwife, not the folk next door -nobody else.

If it helps then its fine.

Its only swearing. Naughty words. Its not gbh.

NigellaTufnel · 13/11/2009 23:09

I said Fuck, and the arse of a MW said ' Mummies don't swear'.

she was a witch.

HeartOfCrystal · 13/11/2009 23:19

I didn't swear when i was in labour.... Certainly not ruling it out for the second one though. I did tell the student MW i loved her after she gave me a shot ... Just had overwhelming love for the angel with the pointy stick. And yes i did call her that .
I don't think your in control of yourself when your in labour, especially after they introduce you to gas and air .

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 13/11/2009 23:21

Well, I was totally silent with my ds1 and screamed the place down with ds2. The mw told me to save my breath for pushing and said that the other mums could hear me. Like I cared.

God only knows what they would have said if I'd been capable of forming words and (shock, horror) swearing.

I have to say I'm not a sweary person by any means- but fgs, whatever gets you through, eh?

Stayingsunnygirl · 13/11/2009 23:23

Ages ago, BBC2 had a whole night of programmes about childbirth - called (imaginatively) BirthNight. As part of it, they had little segments between the programmes where women (some celebs, others not) telling their birth stories.

My favourite was the woman who, back in the '60s, I think, was making quite a lot of noise whilst in labour, and a snotty young doctor, talking across the patient, decided to say to the midwife that he didn't believe she was really in any pain.

So she bit his hand as the next contraction took hold, and bit down as it strengthened, letting go when the contraction eased.

mummy4u · 14/11/2009 00:53

i didn't swear at all, personally don't see the point of screaming obscenities half way around the hospital. Just makes your partner more stressed, mwife etc and more importantly you yourself get stressed.

Yes, i know, labour isn't a particularly dignified experience, you have no control over what's happening. But that's even more reason to try to keep some control of what comes out of your mouth and some dignity at the same time.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 14/11/2009 01:15

You see, there is a distinction between "screaming obscenities half way around the hospital" and saying "I am in fucking agony" to your mother.

scottishmummy · 14/11/2009 01:20

etiquette diminish and profanities increase as you feel excruciating pain.this isnt unique to labour ward

hold onto your pomander,some folk swear at the staff

Longtalljosie · 14/11/2009 08:36

There's got to be a difference, though, between saying "fuuuccckkkk!" during a contraction and calling your midwife names.

I'd hope I wouldn't call someone trying to help me, names. I didn't when I was in labour. But since I wasn't really in control of what I was saying (G&A) you can't really comment on other people's labour...

RockBird · 14/11/2009 09:03

I didn't swear at all, but then I didn't say very much at all. I think I had an almost silent labour apart from saying I wanted to go home and would come back tomorrow (8.10 baby 4hr labour, no time for going home!).

However, had I felt the need to swear it would have been no holds barred. Must practise for next time!

tobago04 · 14/11/2009 09:19

I shouted "fucking hell" when dd2 was crowning and my midwife said i had every right to swear
But i could'nt have cared less what came out of my mouth as i was more concerned with what was coming out of my fanjo!

FourArms · 14/11/2009 09:43

Actually, I think if I had said to my mum, 'I'm in fucking agony' she would have taken me seriously as she has probably never heard me swear before or since.

I heard lots of other women screaming and swearing whilst I was having DS2. I was induced on the labour ward (VBAC & GBS), so was there for nearly 48 hours. Yes, the screaming and swearing upset me... because it meant those women had had their babies and I was still waiting for mine to make an appearance! I didn't begrudge them the noise at all though!

Mishy1234 · 14/11/2009 09:47

What a strange midwife! No YANBU at all. I think it's entirely normal to swear during labour and as long as it's not directed towards a specific individual, it's absolutely fine.

I had to ask DH if I swore and he said he doesn't think so. I think I just went really quiet and found it hard to speak at all. I'm sure I was swearing like a trooper inwardly!

AmandaCooper · 14/11/2009 10:02

I'm completely new to the forum, so I don't know any of you, but I'm shocked at the venom with which some of you have flown at each other. It's funny that someone who takes the moral high ground over swearing during labour is quite prepared to publicly belittle another woman's birth experience and/or her experience of painful medical procedures. If your objections to swearing are grounded in beliefs about respecting other people, then maybe you could take some of your own advice?

Georgimama · 14/11/2009 10:07

Do you mean me? Please do copy and paste these dreadful phrases in which I "belittle another woman's birth experience".

I think you'll find the only person who got told their labour must have easy was me.

Threelittleducks · 14/11/2009 10:26

Ha ha ha, some of these are awesome! Made my day

Apparently I was "very well behaved" and I can "come back again" (cheers guys) Lol.

I was however in a lot of pain and baba was being monitered (he was HUGE and very reluctant to come out at all). I had lots and lots of gas and air while docs were poking around up me trying to stab my baby's head for blood samples to monitor his O2.
I was so high on pain and gas I remember killing myself laughing - in my head it was so untrue that I was sat there while someone was staring up my vagina (very childish I know).
Then they brought out a garden torch so they could all have a look because the light they had wasn't bright enough.

My dh asked why I was laughing. I said (laughing hard) "they are looking up my FANNY with a garden torch!!!"

Dh couldn't stop laughing.

Then doc leapt back, wiping her eye - my son had managed to squirt meconium into her eye! Ha ha ha!!

Oh, that set me right off.....

neenz · 14/11/2009 10:30

Georgi, did I read it right that you think swearing in labour is not ok but that you swear a lot in your day to day life?