to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

[wook]

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

No Georgimama I did not mean you.

I swore incredibly often and loudly at DDs birth and only remember apologising when it got really ungrammatical "I've had f**king enough!" was one example. Would love to think that I could have given birth with a few primeval grunts moans but I just coudn't! Hats off to those who can though.

Well done, hope she got the point.

Wish I had shouted something more ballsy than

"ooh my bum!!"

My husband still reminds me of it.

I said 'that stupid bitch doesn't know what she's on about and I can't talk to her- she has a bodey hanging out her nose'. Didn't realise she was behind the curtain.

Didn't swear once when I was on labour ward though.. but I did shout 'arggggggh my fanny's on FIRE!!!' at crowning.

YANBU. What a stupid moo.. bet it was my hospital. My midwife kept shushing me. Oooooooo

sorry that should have said 'a bogey hanging out her nose'.

Gawd knows what I said - too high on gas & air to know!

And as long as you & the baby are both safe and happy who cares - I've always thought whatever you have to do to get through it and remain sane then tough luck to anyone else - if they are such delicate flowers then perhaps they should be in a job which is less of a challenge - though I must also say that the midwives I've encountered have been superb!

Amandacooper, was your post aimed at me? I think Georgimama and me might have been the only posters who said they thought it best not to swear.

Hazeyjane I think I agree with you. Yes, a labouring women is going to be in pain, but does swearing really help? I too moaned and groaned like a good' un and the wisdom of a friend came back to me. She said when she was giving birth she heard so many women around her swearing that she thought if they concentrated less on the rude words and more on getting the baby out, it could only help. I know I sound a bit like a scientologist but do the MWs need to hear it? What's wrong with "Ow ow ow ow ow"?
Congrats on the baby by the way, don't think it's the worst thing in the world to swear but just wanted to contribute to the debate...

Who 'concentrates' on swearing?

Swearing may be a less "conscious" form of language - am sure I've read about this somewhere, and so it's not about help or hindrance, but a more primal response. I don't know anything about Tourette's, but would be interested to see if the involuntary use of swearwords has some neurological basis.

No Hazeyjane, I agree with you about swearing, it's just not necessary. And I had 48 hrs and 40 minutes from first contraction to baby shooting out in to the water, with back to back labour, so I did not have a quick easy labour.

Someone mentioned adrenaline earlier, and it's true - adrenaline increases the awareness of pain, so getting worked up makes labour more painful. I tried hypnobirthing techniques during labour and as much as it was an incredibly intense experience, it was manageable. The midwife told me that she was surprised by how calm I was - and I know this might get me a flurry of 'hatemail' - but I sang (very badly and softly) to myself during the between contractions stage of transition, just to keep myself from panicking at the pain. The midwife said she'd never seen that before.

Someone got angry at me the other day and shouted at me when I said I had a 'beautiful birth' experience and found transition to be the most peaceful stage of the whole thing (but that can be attributed to waterbirthing). But I really did.

However, this topic asks an opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own.

@Habbibu
My brother has severe tourette's and he's 'trained' himself out of swearing as it hindered his employability - he is a chemical engineer. Now he only has the physical ticks.

YANBU

Thing is, everyone reacts to that type of pain differently, so it's really nonsense to trot out the 'I managed without swearing' line, unless you all happen to go about mooing and grunting your way through life also on a day to day basis?

MWs should be used to that type of language, and if not, they'll get used to it pretty quick. There's a huge difference between swearing and swearing at someone. And again between swearing a 'fuck off' at the mw while in transition and genuine abusive behaviour.

Having said that, I didn't swear during my labour, I actually went really oddly polite. No screaming, swearing, grunting, nothing. A lot of 'Please may I have some water' and 'Thank you ever so much' post ridiculously painful breaking of waters.

Pain is a funny old thing.

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. I wonder if there are any midwives about who can say what they're told about women in pain during their training?

I mean, no-one wants to be sworn at - but surely if you're going to be a midwife, dealing with and helping a person through intense pain is part and parcel of the job? Let's face it, hour for hour, there's a lot more pain management involved in the job than there is moment-of-delivery stuff...

I think the main point for me is that everyone handles pain differently - some people find it helpful to swear, some don't. But surely as a midwife you should just accept that some women find swearing a help and roll with whatever helps her ?

My sister in law has been sworn at, called all names under the sun and had some pretty unpleasant experiences with labouring women (she's a MW) but she considers it part of her job.

Didn't swear (erm, much) in labour, but gave birth in a birthing pool without even asking for gas and air as I was managing the pain quite effectively by shouting as loudly as fucking possible. Ok, I was very lucky to have a straightforward and quick birth, but I was surprised how much the shouting helped. Only occurred to me later to wonder about soundproofing of the delivery room...
I'm really shocked at all these stories of midwives telling women off for 'bad language'. Surely that's just part of the package along with blood and the occasional poo.