to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

[wook]

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

BonjourIvresse - the midwife did suggest that I try a contraction or two without the gas and air - and I very politely said 'No, thank-you!' - in my poshest tones. Frankly, that was all I could trust myself to say because of the inebriation mentioned above!

I was clutching the gas and air with a deathgrip, though - anyone trying to take it away would have lost a finger!

'DH explained it to me later.' ROFL SOH

I always tell people they can swear if I have to give them an injection in their palate (I'm a dentist).

It bloody hurts, and much less than having a baby, so...YANBU.

Considering the amount doctors swear, I would have thought the midwives would be used to it by now. I think swearing directly at hcps is one thing (and maybe you shouldn't, but really, come on) but just swearing in general - what the fuck's wrong with that?

Good to see we have some MNers giving Malcolm Tucker a run for his money.

Wook YEY for the birth, it was horrible for you.

Stupid woman. Hope you told her to f**k off, wonder what she would have done, called security!

Awaiting pictures!

I swore (don't really normally) and grunted and mooed so how lazy am I

Kept apologising for the 'effs' not the moos or grunts tho they were completely necessary.

Congratulations!

havent reasd the whole thread.. but the languaqge coming out of my mouth with the last two labours was nbobosys business....

I reapeated fuck this really hurts, over and over again and fuck fuck fuck... Really good job that babies dont remember the first words they hear really....lol

Luckily the mws and drs took no notice and my DH thought it was really funny at how many times he heard the fuck word from me.

Hopefully this time round the mw will be just as understanding.. I am already panicking about the labour and afterpains.. they were bad enough afer DC3
... without having to worry about mws and drs who cant handle swearing... maybe they may appreaciate it more if i swear in German.. anyone know any german swearwords...

Hilarious thread!!

I remember shouting JESUS FUCK at the top of my voice repeatedly when having DD1. If someone had told me to mind my language I would have lamped them - you're out of control at transition stage - silly cow, totally in wrong job!

I still cannot believe to this day, nearly 3 years on that I did not utter a single profanity during labour and yes, I have checked with dh and he has confirmed it. And before ds arrived I could give your average fishwife a run for her money, indeed, still can If provoked. Strange.

Yes, swearing is a form of pain relief - Official

I remember reading a study some bloke had done about the best way to childbirth, in a darkened room, very little 'you can do it' type encouragement, and it covered swearing. He suggested, might of been proved but can't remember, that swearing is better for the mother then wailing and panting, something to do with your primal instincts.
When I had DD2 i swore almost all the way through and my MW just told me to say what I want. She late told me that she had noticed mums who swore wildly had easier births then those who gritted her teeth.

Woohoo - that's it then, swearing should be included in all antenatal classes. 'Deep breath, ladies, aaand FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!

What a stupid midwife. Could she be any further up your f**king a**se?

I never swore once during labour; I was the apogee of good-natured English politeness.

Nor did I bite my husband's arm off or kick any bossy medics in the groin.

with self.

Better luck next time!

Honestly; I can't even make sense when I'm swearing politely.

Correction:

"Could she be any further up her f*king ase?"

"... without having to worry about mws and drs who cant handle swearing... maybe they may appreaciate it more if i swear in German.. anyone know any german swearwords..."

sorry threeplusone, german swearwords generally aren't as effective.

they say scheisse a lot (which just means shit) and their version of fuck is fick, and it just doesn't sound AAAAaaaaaRRRRrrrrrGGGGGggggHHHHHhhhhhh enough

I didn't swear in labour, and I swear a lot in conversation (but not at people). I didn't really see the need, and I don't think it is very lovely to be in a delivery suite surrounded by women effing and blinding and screaming their heads off (as I was).

I don't think it was unreasonable of the midwife to tell the OP not to swear at her birth partner.

she was not being unreasonable, as a teacher you just get used to not swearing. Why should she have to listen to such language whilst she is working?

"Oh, I know, it's only women that experience it and we're all supposed to be delicate and ladylike"

I don't think that is the reason at all, I just think that if a nurse, doctor or MW is trying to help and support you through birth or a medical procedure (and I know that there are some medical professionals that are pretty crap at this), it is just not great to swear. I'm not talking about shouting, and bellowing, but lots of people find swearing rude and offensive, why should people that are trying to help you put up with it.

I didn't swear (much) in labour, but with ds I did tell the anaesthetist I wanted to marry him!

When I was in labour with dd I was wailing about how I couldn't do it and I wanted an epidural and the mw said, "You can do it, you've done it before, we're all here for you," to which I snapped, "Well YOU fucking do it then!" lolz.

benandoli, we are talking about a woman in labour, so you're joking, right?

ROFL at SOH!

What's so special about labour, rather than any other painful/invasive medical procedure that makes it OK to swear at the people trying to help you? My mother was a nurse and did not take at all kindly to being sworn at by patients, and nor should she have done.

To the people who think you have total control over yourself during labour despite being in massive amounts of pain, or in transition, or under the influence of various drugs:

Fuck off!

Hmm, well I can see it wasn't that much of a stretch for you to start swearing and shouting then.

I remember my dad saying he thought my mum didn't know any swear words until he attended my birth. At which point he found out she knew many that shocked even him, a rugby boy

I found it was not the swearing my dh commented on after the birth (from a safe distance while I was still immobile from epidural) but 'that weird moo-ing noise' which has made me a bit self conscious as I approach my second labour....

Georgimama, I wouldn't take the OP's story as her swearing at the mw, she was swearing at the pain. There's a distinction, and if I were with anyone who was in a huge amount of pain (whether labour pains or otherwise), the sensitive thing to do would be to understand and apply that distinction to the situation.