to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

[wook]

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

I was so proud of myself for not swearing AT ALL during labour with DS (9 pounds 1 ounce) on only G&A
In fact i apologised everytime contraction was finished for demanding a drink of water from DH

(he was all length - small head )

YANBU. I would never tell patients off for swearing when in pain as long they weren't abusing a member of staff and even then I would make allowances for severe pain or distress.

It is normal to be disinhibited when in pain and/or on strong drugs - any medical professional should know that. Silly cow.

I swore quite a lot in labour and got warned on the zero tolerance policy they had - not quite sure what they were planning on doing though, chucking me out mid-labour!?

I'd had an epidural and a top up, I couldn't walk if they paid me

I heard an interesting birth story last week. Woman having a CS, wheeled into recovery room. Midwife and recovery nurse had a stand-up row over her head with the midwife saying baby needed skin to skin and the recovery nurse saying she needed recovery time. There was both swearing and comparing of respective manager seniority, while woman lay there saying 'could I just have my baby please?'.

I had a CS at the same hospital and share her view of the staff's competence and dedication.

I told the consultant who did my stitches after dd1 that it was just like having a sewing machine up my fanjo!
Was high as a kite on gas & air at the time!

my friend who did medicine recently says that they were taught that if pain has a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being passing a kidneystone or appendicitis, childbirth is generally a 12. As such, it can not be compared to any other medical procedure.

Oh really? Well I broke my spine six years ago and I can assure you, that hurt a lot more than labour.

YANBU
Particularly because you had had a bad first labour. I was the same with ds2, having had a 3 day forceps delivery with ds1. I'm (only slightly) ashamed to admit that I swore profusely at the midwife when she told me she didn't think an epidural would be necessary with ds2, even though she had supposedly seen my notes and knew I was petrified of labour.

Funnily enough, I had a wonderful home birth for my third. Fabulous midwives, who my dh plied with tea and biscuits, and they were only worried that I might hurt my arms because I was leaning over the edge of the bed for an hour or so and they thought the bed end might be rubbing my skin. I never swore at them, or even at all during the labour.

Very often, the midwives set the scene for your approach to labour.

So it hurts then ....

maybe you were lucky with the labours you had, my first split my pelvis in half as she was coming out, now THAT'S pain.

And how inhibited was I supposed to be during labour when half the population of London walked in the room and (unintriduced and certainly uninvited) shoved their hands up my fanjo -no warning! Althought the real ice-breaker for me was when I shat on the MW wrist while she was checking my cervix. It wasn't intetnional, I wasn't in control of my bowel, or my thoughts, or my language

the "lucky with labour"was meant for georgimama

well I had a terrible labour with undiagnised breech DS. All hands were on deck and was wheeled to theatre. Consultant said "stop making noise just push" and I shouted right in his face "I AM FUCKING PUSHING" and got a round of applause.
She's an effing miserable/unempathic bitch.

Yes I do love this assumption that obviously my labour must have been really easy because I didn't need to scream obscenities at people, and rank breaking my spine as worse. Ever broken your spine? In two places? And lost a vertebrae in the process? And spent three weeks lying on your back, weeing through a catheter and shitting in a little paper dish because you aren't allowed to move?

No, thought not.

I'm not going to trade "my terrible labour" stories with you, but I assure you, it was not easy. Not remotely so.

Strangely, I didn't swear or shout at all and at one point a dr came in wondering if anyone was actually in labour in the room! I was too busy gritting my teeth or throwing up....
Don't think YABU though - I will try to make up for lost swearing early next year, I promise!

I swore quite a lot (I do all the time tbh)and my midwives were fine about it,esp when DH asked very politley if I would stop biting his arm,I said 'but I want to fucking bite you'they had a laugh at that.
My friend however,had an awful midwife who actually put her hand over my friend's mouth and told her to 'shut up'

PS. My first labour was rubbish, about 36 hours long (not counting walking around for three days being 4cm dilated)with loads of intervention to try and get dd to keep her head still and come out (wide pelvis apparently- me, not her). Had the lot, induction, knitting needle breaking waters, oxytocin drip, epidural only working in patches, mw making terrible mistakes, suction cap (which came off leaving a nasty gash on dd's head)and episiotomy (which I had very explicitly told the mw NOT to do). With hindsight, I should have sworn!!!!!!!

I am usually a painfully shy person in RL, however my DS made his arrival quickly. I was rushed to hospital by ambulance and had only had GA for pain relief.

When we arrived at the Maternity Unit, I was wheeled in on the stretcher, however to get to the delivery suite we had to go through the waiting / reception area.

Just as I was being rushed through, DS's head started to crown and I yelled out the most excrutiating high pitched howl, which reverbarated around the room, followed by an enormous 'FUCKING HELP ME' from the pit of my stomach. To this day, I am still at myself for the bad timing, the room was full of mums-to-be waiting for their scans and I hate to think what impression they were left with about what to expect. At the time, I just couldn't help myself, but still feel guilty about it.

I am also painfully shy about my body - I hardly ever wear a swimming costume without a huge t-shirt on top on holiday, but during labour I was writhing about in the delivery room with everything hanging out and I couldn't have cared less! Labour does funny things to us!

Sorry, forgot to say YANBU and a huge Congratulations to Wook

Oooh, that told me!

No, not going to exchange ANY medical procedures or suffering I've endured with you, you have no idea who I am and what living in my body is like.

Again though, the OP did not "scream obsenities at people", expressed how much pain she was in, using the F word, wasn't even talking to the MW! It could just be someone who swears a lot in RL, not at people, just during convo, she should be allowed to be herself during labour.

No I haven't any idea what your body is like and I'm not much interested. You were the one casting around assumptions that my labour must have been easy. I'm not that arrogant.

If you went through all that and still are unsympathetic to other mothers, then all I can say is what are you trying to prove?

Is that aimed at me? I'm not unsympathetic to other mothers. I'm not trying to prove anything. I just don't see any need, or benefit, to screaming and shouting during labour. I wouldn't have found that it actually improved my situation in any way, it wouldn't have made me less scared, or less in pain, and I doubt it does for anyone else.

I've decided that during labour I'm going to sit there nice and prim and proper drinking tea from a delicate china cup (pinkie extended of course", while saying "oh my" every now and then..

who am I kidding, I swore when they pierced my [edited for decencies sake]

I always tell the ladies I'm looking after in labour that I'll be impressed if they can tell me a few new choice phrases.

However, have been known to get a bit tetchy when families start tell me what to f'ing do.

And yes I swore loads when it was me, and that's in front of my work mates!

Yes, well, GM, that's just you. I think that the testimony of many other mothers on this thread, who would have mortified beforehand if someone had suggested they became a bit shouty and sweary is proof enough that labour has its own rules.