to think that if you can't swear when you're in labour....

[wook]

I am really wondering about this one...
Here's the context: Was in labour with 2nd dc on Sunday and in a lot of pain.
Had a very long, scary backache labour with 9lb 9oz ds 4 yrs ago which ended in bad tear, broken coccyx and lots of bottled up fear for if there was another big baby next time!
On Sunday, labouring with dc2, I had been going for a few hours in pool and was feeling good, but then v worried to be told only 5cm dilated, as I was stuck at 5, then at 7cm for hours on end in labour with dc1. Started to be scared and asked for epidural, so had come out of pool and was lying on bed, in agony, waiting for anaesthetist. Anyway, midwife on next shift came in and was writhing about in agony- mum (birth partner) said to me to calm down, and I said 'but I am in f**king agony!!!!'. The midwife then said 'We'll have less of the language thank you very much'
I was really cross. Was it really so unreasonable to let loose with the f word in labour???? Surely if there was ever a time or place where you may be forgiven for losing your normal grace and dignity it would be mid labour????
But it has bugged me ever since- should I have been more dignified? Or was the midwife out of order? I am surely not the only person to ever swear in labour. Or am I??

I can't believe that I am the ony poster who thinks it is unreasonable to swear at a MW , when you are in labour!

hazeyjane, OP didn't swear at the MW

There's a difference between swearing at and just swearing, hazeyjane. A mw shouldn't have to put up with being abused (though I think she might excuse the odd, eff off I hate you, screamed in an extreme moment). She should, IMO, put up with general swearing that isn't personally targeted and vindictive or threatening.

I used to work with a Christian midwife who had a zero tolerance policy on swearing. I did try to get her to lighten up, in many conversations, but never won her round!

No it's not fng unreasonable, it fng hurts! Surely midwives should be immune to the yelps and curses of women in labour, they see far worse things every day than a woman in pain effing and blinding

She didn't swear at the MW, she swore in the presence of the MW.

Sorry re-reading the post I see op swore at her mum, not the MW.

I would still try to avoid swearing in labour, or any other painful medical procedure. It just seems fairer on the people trying to do their jobs.

hazey? Do you have children?

i was praised for not swearing while in labour, it wasnt intentional, i'm just apparently not a sweary sort of person when in extreme pain.. unless its DH who did get bellowed at while trying to make me move mid-contraction

However she did tell me, most women do swear and it can get very blue!

I don't think anyone thinks about it and decides to swear. I never swear normally, or nothing worse than the occasional "arse", but when I get close to transition I get sweary during the contractions (and then spend the between-contractions bits apologising).

I'm with you Hazyjane. But then I try to avoid swearing in general, I think its a lazy way to speak.

I had a home waterbirth and never screamed or felt the need to swear. I did grunt and moo like a cow a lot though! Maybe there is something to the thought that hospital births are more painful than home births?

You see, I try to avoid grunting and mooing in general. I think it's a lazy way to speak. So I think women should try to avoid grunting or mooing in labour.

Yes UnexpectedWasabi! I've had 2 dd's and didn't swear when I had them, I get the whole 'something taking over thing', but even then there was something else that stopped me swearing.

It was fucking agony though

Didn't swear with DS1 as it didn't get all that painful before the c/s. With DS2 my mum was in the room which inhibited me somewhat. There might have been a fuuuucccckkkkk as he crowned though. Will have to ask DH! Don't think my MW would have minded at all though. After the birth she said 'I need to go out for a fag after that' So whilst Mum and MW went for a cigarette & DH went with DS2 to SCBU, I spent a lovely peaceful 10 minutes texting all of my friends!

The anaesthetist who put in my epidural told me to stop crying. I swore at him. The cunt.

I fucking love this thread!! So many nice MNers swearing, priceless!

I think you should write and complain. Good God if that woman had been in some of the maternity wards in Bristol she may have been punched!
I used language I never do normally when I was coming round from my GA having had dc2. I kept shouting (I thought I was being very quiet) THAT I WAS GOING TO BUT THE HOSPITAL SOME FUCKING PILLOWS BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO FUCKING FALL OFF THE FUCKING BED AND BREAK IN TWO AND MY FUCKING STITCHES WOULD RIP OPEN AND ON AND ON AND ON....
I apologised to the nurse loads, who was lhao

I think she's perfectly entitled to ask you not to swear. If you are in active agonising labour, then you are perfectly entitled to tell her to f off. Sad fact is though that midwives are fair game for being sworn at for the 9 months prior to the baby being born by the sort of charming women whose own vocabulary, and that of their entourage, consists of variations of F you, you w**, etc etc. If you have to listen to it every day, in and out, it gets a bit tiring. So swearing in active labour fine - anything else and you should be chucked out of the clinic or hospital

I'm a police officer and get sworn at constantly - it's part and parcel of what you expect in this line of work. If I have to listen to people swearing for the sake of it then I'm pretty certain a midwife should be able to put up with it while you are trying to push a baby out of you.

If people had to have other medical procedures without the benefit of anaesthetic then I'm sure they would be expected to swear with the pain, why should childbirth be any different ? Oh, I know, it's only women that experience it and we're all supposed to be delicate and ladylike

yanbu the midwives are there to support not tell you off, i don't think its the right situation to start telling someone off if they don't like it just let it go, they must realise the woman is in a lot of pain. and there is a big difference in swearing generally and swearing at the midwife herself (can understand if they do object to that if the behaviour is getting abusive)

Message withdrawn

I was once called a "cck sucking whre" by a labouring women

Thought it was very funny .

Just checked with DH to see if I swore (my memory isn't what it used to be!) Apparently I didn't swear but did shout out I've changed my mind I don't want a baby!!! Apparently I was serious and not joking. Oh well they don't give refunds do they!!!

I must be a terribly polite and well-mannered person . I certainly never swore during labour. Grunted, mooed, recited poetry and told very bad jokes (oh, and shouted) but never swore.

With ds2 dh was trying to reassure me, but it was just distracting and upsetting me, so I kept telling him to shut up. Then, once the contraction was over, I apologised. Kept this up for about 20 minutes, with both him and anyone else who dared speak to me during a contraction.

Afterwards I apologised again for my rudeness, but he said "Oh, I didn't realise you were being rude."

Men! Don't even know when they are being insulted. .

I had to be transfered to hospital by amubulance fairly late on during my homebirth. The ambulance driver tried to take the gas and air off me when i walked down the stairs and in to the ambulance and i told him to Fuck off and wrestled it back off him.

Dilemma PMSL!

When I'd been in labour for 37 hours, and pushing for nearly an hour with ds1, I did have a senior midwife tell me, "If we were putting half the effort into pushing that we are putting into making that noise, we could have pushed this baby out by now!!"

The only reason I didn't swear at her was that I felt so inebriated on the gas and air that I knew anything I said would come out utterly garbled!

The OP's midwife is clearly a sensitive little flower, and is going to get some real shocks if she thinks the F word is bad language - I bet that's the tamest thing most midwives hear!

I gave a consultant and a midwife a very stern telling off whilst in labour. I'd been pushing for 6 hours with no baby to show for it and had tranferred in from an attempted homebirth. The consultant put the g&a out of reach and shoved both hands inside me mid-contraction for a good old rummage. I screamed and scrambled away from the pain. Him and the midwife went behind their little fabric screen and had a conversation that started "does she seem a bit fractious to you?"

I shouted "excuuuuuuse me", two heads pop round, "I've been in labour for 2 days, pushing all afternoon, that wall you think you see between us is made out of vile patterned fabric and I can hear you talking about me. I am an educated woman, come round here and speak to me and yes I'm a little fractious as you say..." and on and on and on.

I vividly remember them backing away and one of them pressing a button on the wall. Turns out what I thought was a coherent dressing down was an awful lot of expletives that began with the phrase "oi fuckers" and was accompanied by a lot of disgusting hand gestures. DH explained it to me later.