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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a smoke when DS is safely in bed?

175 replies

soheresthequestion · 03/11/2009 23:17

ok so i'll just come right out with it and ask the question! i have a joint a couple of nights a week when my ds is safely tucked up in bed. do other mums find this unreasonable??

I dont drink, dont go out, dont party etc. i see myself as a bit of a hippy and always have been. ok i know its illegal, but to be honest its far safer than alcohol. and at least if something happens to ds through the night i could take him to hospital safe in the knowledge that i wouldnt reek of dope like some people do of alcohol. i'm not hungover in the morning, and actually get a better nights sleep if i've had a smoke. some people have a glass of wine a night to relax, i have a joint..is it really that bad???

i'm fully prepared for the onslaught of "your a terrible mother for having illegal substances in your home while your son is there etc etc. but he never sees me doing it and its safely stashed away once i go to bed so he cant find it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 03/11/2009 23:21

I dont agree with it and also i dont think you would be safe taking DS to hospital or where ever if you were driving.

But each to their own and all that

Rindercella · 03/11/2009 23:22

Justify it all you want to yourself. Why do you want other people's opinions if you're so sure that you're right?

Also, "safe in the knowledge that i wouldnt reek of dope like some people do of alcohol". Err, I bet you do reek of dope and smoke actually. I have never met anyone who smokes dope who doesn't.

BEAUTlFUL · 03/11/2009 23:23

"at least if something happens to ds through the night i could take him to hospital safe in the knowledge that i wouldnt reek of dope like some people do of alcohol"

-- what does this have to do with anything?? Surely the point is that you'd be a crap driver on the way to the hospital, not that you'd get away with it?

I think YABU to do it that often, but you and my stoner-exh would get on like a house on fire.. OK, bad analogy here.

YouSaidWHAT · 03/11/2009 23:31

i personally dont think they is anything wrong with it. i think that it is far less harmful than alcohol and other substances that are legal. as long as your son does not see you do it and he cant get to it then fine. you will always get most people saying its illegal and so then your being unreasonable but they are blinkered in their opinions imho.

Original poster
soheresthequestion · 03/11/2009 23:34

ok dont own a car and wouldn't drive under the influence of any substance! i would get a taxi the same way any mother would if she had been drinking. i'm not trying to justify anything i wanted to know others opinions on that matter. i live with a non smoker, and if he cant tell i've been smoking then i find it unlikely that anyone else would. i was trying to make the point that in society we find it acceptable to drink a bottle of wine most nights, and if something happend to your child you would go to hospital reeking of the stuff.

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 03/11/2009 23:37

but the point is alcohol isnt illegal, I have smoked pre kids and i couldnt even talk right after a big fat joint so definitly couldnt look after a child.

MuGGGhoulWump · 03/11/2009 23:37

I'm not a dope smoker, but I like a drink on occasion and the way I see it is so long as I am fit to deal with an emergency it's fine.
From what you've said, YANBU.

Original poster
soheresthequestion · 03/11/2009 23:39

happytobehappy it may be illegal but it is far safer than all other drugs combined!! so because it isn't a good taxable drug then it must be really bad for you??? rubbish!!!

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 03/11/2009 23:46

where did i say i was bad? read my post i have done it in my yoof.

HeSaysSheSays · 03/11/2009 23:46

Just out of interest why do you think it is so bad for a person to take their child to the hospital when they, the parent, smells of alchohol? I can think of worse things to smell of - for instance smelling unclean, as in actually dirty, would be worse in that it could indicate the child and family are not being well cared for.

Smelling of alcohol is not a justification to smoke dope so I find that argument a very strange one.

For the rest of it, well, you are over-justifying it. Having a joint once in a while (ie single skin, not too strong rather than a complete blow out) is not a problem really. It certainly is no worse than alcohol. It is not ideal of course because it is illegal but that is your risk to take. As long as you don't have a super long rap sheet even getting caught won't have much in the way of consequences so it is a bit "meh" really.

If it makes you happy then, well, whatever. I am unclear why you are trying so hard to justify it though, almost as if you are arguing it from the wrong side IYSWIM?

jasper · 03/11/2009 23:48

So long as you don't mind your teeth falling out which is quite likely to happen if you regularly enjoy a joint.

It's not a well known side effect(no warnings from your dealer, I presume ) but I see it every week in my job as a dentist.

Patients come in worried about their teeth suddenly becoming loose and look at me as if I am mystic Meg when I say "do you smoke Hash?"

I have been in the same practice for 18 years and have made lots of nice dentures for people in their 30s and 40s who have been smoking joints and did not believe me when I warned them in their 20s they would lose their teeth

HeSaysSheSays · 03/11/2009 23:49

Honeybe, every drug affects people differently. I know people who can abarely talk after one glass of wine so shouldn't be looking after dc IMO but others are still perfectly capable after a full bottle. The same applies of all drugs and everyone needs to find their limits and respect them.

Original poster
soheresthequestion · 03/11/2009 23:52

i dunno about that, if you took your child to hospital reeking of drink i think the doc would ask a few questions. i was tryin compare a widely used legal drug to an illegal 1, maybe unsucessfully lol!

OP posts:
Original poster
soheresthequestion · 03/11/2009 23:56

in all my years i have never heard of that side effect jasper and i used to be a drug counsellor, also have a degree in addiction, have to ask a few of my old lecturers bout that 1

OP posts:
defineme · 03/11/2009 23:58

It's not the end of the world and I think it should be legalised. Yes of course alcohol is as bad or worse-that's been proven time and again.
However, whilst it is illegal you'll never find me with anything like that in my house because I'm a parent. When I had ds1 anything illegal stopped because I'm responsible for him (and the other 2 now) not just me. It''s unlikely, but I have known a casual user end up in gaol because of having pretty minimal amounts of drugs in the house. Where do you get it from? Are you putting yourself at risk by associating with anyone (however briefly) who may have large quantities of drugs on them?

Original poster
soheresthequestion · 04/11/2009 00:03

at no risk what so ever i get it from my home town i live 85 miles away now. my brother brings it up. so illegal means irresponsible?? maybe in some cases, but i dont percieve this to be the case here. legal dosent always mean responsible.

OP posts:
jasper · 04/11/2009 00:07

Yes it is not well known at all, probably because it is an illegal drug.
I tell all my patients to spread the word!

People get severe gum disease anyway and don't necessarily associate it with smoking dope . Lots of them are in denial, and of course, it destroys your brain calls.

You can take it from me it's true. I have seen it again and again.I am sitting here smiling at the idea you smoke dope , used to be a drugs counsellor, have a degree in addiction, and are skeptical of my dental expertise because of course you don't want to believe it.

ASK your old lecturers if you like. They probably smoke dope too and will be unlikely to believe it either.

Ordinary cigarette smoking is bad enough for your teeth and gums but dope is in a different league.

Come back and report in 10 years and see if you still want to do the face

salbysea · 04/11/2009 00:09

I think you underestimate your ds, he will know what you're doing IMO and if breaking that law is okay because mummy does it then what does that teach him about the law in general?

HeSaysSheSays · 04/11/2009 00:13

salbysea, I know plenty of children of parents who have smoked dope (openly and hidden), not one of them has gone on to become law breakers themselves - except possibly to smoke some dope, although most of them don't. I think you are extrapolating a bit to far with that one TBH.

If mummy was commiting armed robery then, yes, i could see your point but smoking a joint? It is not exactly the Kray brothers is it?

supersalstrawberry · 04/11/2009 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilacclaire · 04/11/2009 00:25

I used to smoke heavily, havent done it for years.
I like a drink, other people like a spliff.
As long as you are still capable then I don't see any problem with it as long as its not this skunk stuff and are not passing out etc.

Drayford · 04/11/2009 00:27

Depends on how old DS is...would you be able to deal with illness or emergency after a couple of joints - or glasses or wine?? I can't see that the odd toke would do any harm myself, but you need to be aware that intoxication (through drugs or alcohol) can cloud your judgement.

Jasper, can you point me to the research that supports your posts re gum disease being a problem in dope smokers (as opposed to tobacco smokers, overeaters, class A users, bulemics and drinkers) I presume you are talking about cannabis and I have never seen any firm evidence that points to that... Meth, crack etc, granted, but not dope.

My Mother has very bad gum disease and has never smoked dope, or consumed any other drug (apart from the odd G&T) - she puts it down to sugar!!!

I also have extensive addiction counselling experience..(don't think it's called drug counselling these days)

Please Tell.....

Booooooooooyhoo · 04/11/2009 00:28

aside from the fact that he never sees you doing it. are you aware that regular use affects your ability to be emotionally present for your child.

i was the partner of an 'occasional' dope smoker for a few months. ie he started using for a few months while we were together. i have never felt so alone in my life, he completely closed up to me emotionally. it was absolute torture and if he ever dreamt of it again i would leave him straight away.

be the parent your child deserves.

and i bet you do smell of dope.

Drayford · 04/11/2009 00:35

Boo - I'd suggest he was an habitual smoker, not occasional, to have his mood altered so drastically. I'm so glad for you that he's given it up!

Drayford · 04/11/2009 00:38

Gosh that last post sounds awful and judgemental - I mean heavy habitual smoker. (ie, several times or more a day - which can change somebodys mood dramatically, particularly when smoking Skunk)

You can still be an habitual dope smoker when you only smoke twice a week!