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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have a smoke when DS is safely in bed?

175 replies

soheresthequestion · 03/11/2009 23:17

ok so i'll just come right out with it and ask the question! i have a joint a couple of nights a week when my ds is safely tucked up in bed. do other mums find this unreasonable??

I dont drink, dont go out, dont party etc. i see myself as a bit of a hippy and always have been. ok i know its illegal, but to be honest its far safer than alcohol. and at least if something happens to ds through the night i could take him to hospital safe in the knowledge that i wouldnt reek of dope like some people do of alcohol. i'm not hungover in the morning, and actually get a better nights sleep if i've had a smoke. some people have a glass of wine a night to relax, i have a joint..is it really that bad???

i'm fully prepared for the onslaught of "your a terrible mother for having illegal substances in your home while your son is there etc etc. but he never sees me doing it and its safely stashed away once i go to bed so he cant find it.

AIBU?

OP posts:

hanabooOOOM · 04/11/2009 00:38

tbh if you are looking after a child then the odd toke is worse than doing it regularly because if you are not used to it then it affects you a lot worse than if you smoke a lot i.e you get immune to it.
i recently gave up 'that skunk stuff' (last new yrs) and can honestly say that other than making me slightly more laid back it did not affect me having to take children to hospital (not driving myself obviously) or any other emergency. about a mnth after i gave up i had a moment of weakness and had a little bit of a spliff... my head was spinning, i would have been useless had something happened to dd (she was actually at my mums that night luckily) i couldn't believe the affect it had on me and also how much i'd gotten used to it over the years
i kinda miss it now but i like feeling healthier
so as long as you honestly feel dc's are safe,
enjoy it if you wanna do it soheresthequestion

Booooooooooyhoo · 04/11/2009 00:39

yes dray, thats what i should have said, its what i meant.

it took me leaving him with our son and his life getting alot worse before he quit. he was addicted.

Drayford · 04/11/2009 00:39

I'm going to bed before I put my foot in my mouth even more.

Original poster

soheresthequestion · 04/11/2009 00:46

i only smoke hash, my ds is 11 months old , i hardly think he would know what i'm up to. i'm well aware of the risks of using cannibis, but the risks of other drugs is far greater! if my dh tells me he cant smell it then thats good enough for me. boo i am the parent my child deserves and take great offence to that comment! my child has everything he needs emotionally and physically, and for you to presume that he doesnt it very offensive!!

OP posts:

Booooooooooyhoo · 04/11/2009 00:51

tbh, if you were emotionally vacant, you wouldnt really know would you?

jasper · 04/11/2009 00:51

Drayford, google cannabis and tooth loss.
There is quite a bit out there but it is an impossible thing to do a double blind clinical trial so is hugely underreported..

I see it all the time, as do my colleagues. Often patients lose 2 or 3 teeth adjacent to where they hold their spliff. ANd they STILL don't believe me!

The fact your mum has gum disease and never smoked dope is irrelevant.If she did you can be sure her gum disease would be far worse.
Incidentally , sugar does not cause gum disease.

frazzled74 · 04/11/2009 00:51

we all have our vices and we are all human.(even after becoming parents). Everything in moderation! If you are worried that it is an addiction or that it is affecting your family life in any way, seek help now.

hanabooOOOM · 04/11/2009 00:52

oh well hash doesn't do much at all! (or smell very strong) mind you, i think its worse on your lungs than weed but thats your choice, smoking doesn't make you a bad parent my dd had every emotional need met and she's 4 now and very balanced, healthy, happy

Tortington · 04/11/2009 00:53

you see here's the thing entirely.

one cannot argue that its ok to use a machine gun because other people use swords.

you cannot say - hey it's ok to use my drug of choice - hell other people use thier drug of choice - but it's legal.

legal schmegal. that is totally not the issue

i have issues with a person who drinks a bottle of wine a couple of nights a week. It's not exactly a nice french stylee glass with supper - it's a bottle. it's not pop.

so IMO one person shouldnt drink a bottle of wine to themselves when they are in charge of their childrens welfare.

and one shouldn't smoke pot in the same situation

get a babysitter - go out and sit in a friends manky flat and get bombed. do it occasionally - when other people go out occasionally and get drunk - go out get bombed

same diff to me.

hanabooOOOM · 04/11/2009 00:55

booooy, you would know if you weren't though, i think its a bit harsh to say that people who smoke cannabis aren't there for their children emotionally. i know it can happen (usually other problems than weed are involved also) but i don't think you should generalize like that

Tortington · 04/11/2009 00:57

who me?
i didn't say emotionally absent

hanabooOOOM · 04/11/2009 00:57

custy, she doesn't sound like she wants to 'get bombed' though, and why must the flat be manky? not everyone who smokes weed is a typical 'stoner'

Original poster

soheresthequestion · 04/11/2009 00:57

fuck off boo my child is very well looked after what kind of emotional support does my child need when he's asleep?? enlighten me! i understand that you have had a bad experience with dope but to say my child isn't getting everything he needs from me is down right rude!!!

OP posts:

hanabooOOOM · 04/11/2009 00:57

no, boooooy said that

Tortington · 04/11/2009 01:00

ok - go to a nice clean flat and have a couple of tokes.

same diff to me

Original poster

soheresthequestion · 04/11/2009 01:00

thank you hanaboo.

OP posts:

Booooooooooyhoo · 04/11/2009 01:01

true, hanabooOOOM, i shouldnt generalise, but whu would you take the risk that you might be one of the one's it does happen to. especially if you have a child that depends on you for emotional stability.

i know what it felt like from my side of the fence and there is no way that my OH would have been able to provide for our son in that way. he was able to function in every other way, went to work, great sense of humour, paid his bills, but completely lost the ability to relate on any emotional level, to me, his parents, anyone.

HeSaysSheSays · 04/11/2009 01:01

Custardo, could a person drink a glass of wine and be with children in your opinion?

Obviously there are degrees of alcohol consumption - and there are degrees with drugs too, a person having a toke on a joint will not be in the same place as if they smoked a fully loaded double skin, just like one glass is different to a bottle.

I do agree about comparing one thing to another, it is an odd argument. Either your drug of choice is ok or it is not, it doesn't become more ok because it is stood next to something else IYSWIM.

I do love the fact that your mind went to a manky flat though - most people I have known who smoke (I never did, I hate the effect of the stuff) were either in "normal" family units or those horrendous yuppy flats

Booooooooooyhoo · 04/11/2009 01:05

and saying fuck off isnt rude?

anyway, im not here for a slanging match, you came here to ask if you were being unreasonable. i think you are and i told you why. i think i might have hit a nerve, which is why you are being so defensive.

also, the emotional stuff doesnt just happen while you are stoned, it becomes a permanent effect for the time you are using. ie, all day everyday until you quit. in other words if you are stil an habitual user when he is older and needs to open up to you, you mightnt be able to be there for him.

now i'll fuck off

Tortington · 04/11/2009 01:06

so how much do you smoke op

so we can stop the speculation.

as per my first post - a glass of wine with supper - fine - a whole bottle not - not for me and my family.

1/3 of a spliff - (an average loaded one) for a regular user is the equiv 'relaxed' blurr the lines of the day //that exhale feeling.

Original poster

soheresthequestion · 04/11/2009 01:06

you dh was probably smoking skunk...cannabis equivalent to heroin IMO! i smoke hash and have been for many years (obvisouly not when i was preggers) and i have never been "emotionally detached" if i wasnt providing everything my child needs he wouldn't be thriving and the HV would have picked up on it

OP posts:

hanabooOOOM · 04/11/2009 01:07

i still kind of disagree about one toke here and there because i know that if i had even the smallest amount right now with my body not being used to it, i would be totally and utterly useless.

Original poster

soheresthequestion · 04/11/2009 01:08

thank the lord boo cause you obvisouly have no idea what your talking about!!!!

OP posts:

Drayford · 04/11/2009 01:08

Googled it Jasper - Cannabis destroys gums no more than tobacco from the evidence I can see at first glance. I can't find any specific research (but I have been up since 6.00 am and I'm quite tired!) I'd be really interested in any research you can point me to though from my counselling point of view - thanks... You are obviously a dentist and must agree that Meth is far more destructive and a growing problem in the UK that society seems to be unaware of.

My mother puts her gum disease down to sugar - not me ... note the exclamation marks in my OP.

IMH(& personal)O occasional cannabis use (and I mean occasional, not habitual) is no worse than occasional drinking. Ditto habitual.

Pardon my crappy english - off to bed before I offend someone

Booooooooooyhoo · 04/11/2009 01:09

no it wasnt skunk

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