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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to pull out of best friend's (small) wedding 10 days before the event?

226 replies

weddingmare · 13/07/2009 20:44

I have known about this for about a year - I have NO excuse, I am just utterly dreading it.

I am going with DD, across the country on the train, to stay with a friend for the night (travelling across London). DD is 7 and I've never been away by myself with her, so I'm dreading the whole thing.

She will be the only child there, it's a small do, and worst of all, it will mean missing the last 3 days of our annual summer family holiday (7 days in a caravan) and leaving DH and the baby in the caravan to go.

She's my BEST FRIEND but I am sooo stressed about going, the journey, the train connections, staying in a friend's empty house, finding the venue, missing the holiday... I feel like our ONE holiday together is going to be ruined by me stressing about the whole thing. I feel like crying.

What should I do? I am so stressed. I feel terrible.

OP posts:

alicecrail · 13/07/2009 20:46

is there no way you can all go as a family?

Pinner35 · 13/07/2009 20:46

Why can't your DH and baby go with you?

Original poster

weddingmare · 13/07/2009 20:48

I was invited with one person, and I couldn't take DH as we have no one to babysit and he didn't want to break up the holiday anyway TBH - he didn't want to go.

I've been an IDIOT accepting and putting this off and off

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 13/07/2009 20:49

are you usually very anxious?

AitchTwoOh · 13/07/2009 20:50

i mean travelling on a train with a seven year old is no big deal, surely? if you miss your train connection just get the next train.

allaboutme · 13/07/2009 20:50

can DH and the baby go too? Make it part of your family holiday!

oranges · 13/07/2009 20:50

I don't think your anxiety will go down if you don't go - you'll end up feeling upset and guilty.

thisisyesterday · 13/07/2009 20:51

actually yes, i think you are being unreasonable.

if you're worried why not try and sort through all the plans now.
i am a hideous worrier, but sometimes once i've figured out exactly how it's all going to work it seems easier.

she's your best friend. you can't not go just because you're worried about it

squeaver · 13/07/2009 20:53

If you've know about it for a year, why did you plan you holiday at the same time? Or was it booked before the wedding?

Original poster

weddingmare · 13/07/2009 20:54

I'm not usually anxious but I'm really worrying about the trains - one changeover is only 6 minutes - and I'm worrying about going alone with DD to a house I've not been to the other side of London to stay the night and then finding the venue - I don't know any of the areas at all.

Yes I think I KNOW I can't get out of it morally. I feel such an idiot for saying yes. This is our ONE holiday and I'm going to be really stressing about this all the time.

OP posts:

Callisto · 13/07/2009 20:55

You must go, your best friend will be desperately upset if you don't, and as it is a small wedding your absence will be very obvious.

What you need to do is plan the journey down to the last detail. Look on it as an adventure and get your DD involved in helping you. Trains are easy and the National Rail website is really easy to use plus you can book all of your tickets online. It's here: www.nationalrail.co.uk/. Don't know if you'll need the tube, if so go here to check times etc: www.tfl.gov.uk/. TBH I plan this sort of thing all of the time. If you want to contact me direct I can plan the whole journey for you.

MummyElk · 13/07/2009 20:55

why don't you all go and your DH can stay in the empty house and then you and DD can go to the wedding??
I think you should go...weddings can do odd things to people, even your best friends....and you never know..you might actually enjoy it????!!!!

Original poster

weddingmare · 13/07/2009 20:55

The holiday was booked and paid for before the wedding - we booked it at the end of our last year holiday and got a cheaper deal.

The train journey will be seven hours as well which is so long

OP posts:

Mintyy · 13/07/2009 20:55

Why did you book your holiday at the same time as the wedding?

YABU by the way.

hocuspontas · 13/07/2009 20:56

I'd leave dd with dh and arm myself with some good books/mags and enjoy my freedom for once!

How will your friend feel if you don't turn up to her big day? But if you are so stressed is it worth it? And why book a holiday at the same time as the wedding???

icedgemsrock · 13/07/2009 20:56

If you've known for a year then why did you book a holiday to clash?
This is the most important day of her life, it's a small wedding so she'll damn well notice if you're not there.
You are supposed to be her best friend.
What's the big deal about being alone with your 7 year old for the first time???
You're an adult - grow up and deal with it.

Tambajam · 13/07/2009 20:56

I can see where you are coming from but the PP is correct. Deciding not to go would not necessarily relieve your anxiety.
I don't think travelling with a 7 yr old in the way you describe is really so terrible and you just need to plan in the contingencies. Travelling across London (where I live) is surprisingly straightforward. The Tfl journey planner can help you.
Try and see some of the positives. Your friend obviously wants you there. It will be special for her. You will have some special time with DD and it will be a great experience for her.
Take a step back and accept it is going to happen and try and enjoy yourself.

oranges · 13/07/2009 20:56

if you miss a train, you get the next one. And get hot chocolate from the cafe while you are waiting. Can your friend come meet you at the station?

squeaver · 13/07/2009 20:57

I like MummyElk's idea.

Original poster

weddingmare · 13/07/2009 20:57

DH will not bring the baby seven hours on a train when he could be staying in a lovely caravan by the sea for two more nights!

OP posts:

allaboutme · 13/07/2009 20:57

either all go and DH can do something nearby during the actual wedding, but he can be there for the journey
OR you go on your own and leave both kids with DH and use the time to have a grown up catch up with your best friend and other friends and relax a bit!

Northernlurker · 13/07/2009 20:58

Well you should never have accepted but as you have I think you should just get to grips with this and go OR ring her and tell her honestly you've messed up. Don't expect her to be pleased but I would rather have that than have a friend gibber themselves into jelly with worry!

Then you need to reflect on your confidence levels and work to boost them. There is no reason why one parent can't cope with one child alone, there is no reason why an adult can't manage a complicated train journey in their native country. If there is something stopping you doing these things that's what yu need to address - the wedding itself is a side issue tbh.

squeaver · 13/07/2009 20:59

If your connection's only 6 minutes, get an earlier train.

reducedfatkettlechip · 13/07/2009 20:59

Right, I can see this from two sides. You obviously don't travel much, and to someone who lives in London, travelling across it, is nothing. Where I live there are people who have never visited London in their lives and I can understand that navigating the tube system for the first time might be a bit daunting. I'd plan out your whole route as thisisyesterday says. Once you're underway, it will all be fine!

On the other hand - why on earth didn't you change the date of your holiday if you've known about this wedding for a year? Is it at all possible to do so now? Could you alter where you go to be nearer the wedding venue maybe so you don't have as far to travel?

I do think you have got this way out of proportion and you sound very anxious indeed. If you were travelling with a 7 month old I could maybe understand it, but you can make it into an adventure with a 7 yr old who is old enough to carry own bags etc and surely would be no trouble on a train. Do you actually have to take your DD or could your DH just have them both for the few days?

Either way, please try and relax or you'll spoil your holiday!

fishie · 13/07/2009 20:59

it will be fine, an adventure. planplanplan. leave dd in the caravan..?

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