to pull out of best friend's (small) wedding 10 days before the event?

[weddingmare]

I have known about this for about a year - I have NO excuse, I am just utterly dreading it.

I am going with DD, across the country on the train, to stay with a friend for the night (travelling across London). DD is 7 and I've never been away by myself with her, so I'm dreading the whole thing.

She will be the only child there, it's a small do, and worst of all, it will mean missing the last 3 days of our annual summer family holiday (7 days in a caravan) and leaving DH and the baby in the caravan to go.

She's my BEST FRIEND but I am sooo stressed about going, the journey, the train connections, staying in a friend's empty house, finding the venue, missing the holiday... I feel like our ONE holiday together is going to be ruined by me stressing about the whole thing. I feel like crying.

What should I do? I am so stressed. I feel terrible.

[weddingmare]

DH's family are the wrong side of London and if we stayed with them then we wouldn't make the wedding in time (have checked)

Also they are ancient and doddery and don't often leave their house so can't chaperone unfortunately

[hatesponge]

Before everyone starts slating it, may I point out that I grew up near Romford?!

OP, if I still lived in my old house I would have invited you to come and stay with me (amd met you from Romford station!)

It is a crappy journey - I've lots of friends in the West Country so have done the journey there & back many times (I dont drive).

Totally endorse the idea of looking at the journey in 'legs' makes it seem less daunting. You will come in to Paddington, the cross London bit is a pain in the arse to be frank - you are probably best to go round Circle Line to Liverpool St to get train to Romford (or Hackney if you are going there first). Hackney trains I dont know about, but I know those to Romford are v v regular, every 10 mins or something most of the day, so you will be fine even if you miss one.

Please do go to the wedding, but spend some time working out route beforehand - and before you go on hols - so hopefuly the fear & worry of journey isnt hanging over you like a cloud all the time you're in cornwall

[squeaver]

Paddington to Liverpool st is just a quick scoot round the circle line. Honestly, it really is not difficult.

[RenagadeMum]

Could understand anxiety if DD was 7 months, but 7 years old should find it quite an adventure.

If you dont think you can cope, don't go. But give her the honest reason as my sister is now really upset as one of her best friends wouldn't go to her wedding as it would have disturbed her 1 year old ds's sleep. She thought that was a little lame as she could have left the ds with the husband.
She just thinks that if she meant anything to her best friend she would have found a way of coming.

2 days holiday compared to a wedding for a close friend? I know how much I adore my mates and would make every effort.

[tennisaddict]

I would do it just to piss your dh off

It seems (reading between the lines and possibly stretching it maaaaaadly) that he is waiting for you to crumble

Will he help you plan it? Could you make use of some of his London family at some point in the trip?

You can do it, you have to now

What a shame about your holiday though

[weddingmare]

Aargh you are all right

I need to plan it

I just WISH we weren't missing half the holiday or that we could go away somewhere else after the wedding because I'm sort of feeling robbed

Do children have children's tickets on the tubes or just a normal one???

[tennisaddict]

oops, sorry, x=post

forget his family then, do it yourself

[squeaver]

Kids are free.

[reducedfatkettlechip]

weddingmare, I'm actually in Cornwall myself and it's a pretty easy train journey to London, if a slow one! DH does it every week (sometimes on sleeper) and rarely has any problems at all. You could also always fly from Newquay airport to London which is a lot quicker but probably a bit more costly.

If the weather carries on like it has been, you might be glad you're not staying the extra few days down here though!!

[jemart]

Presumably as she is your best friend she knows you have children so it seems very odd that you only got an invite for two people.
Does your friend know that you plan to bring dd? Only it occurs to me that if it is a small wedding, it might be a child free affair.

[smellen]

If your OH is happy to stay in the caravan with the baby for a night (and you're not still Bfing or required to settle said baby), and if your OH would not want to come along for the ride and stay with the baby in the house you're staying at (assuming it's suitable accommodation for your LO), then I'd just get on and do it.

I think London can seem a bit overwhelming when you are not a local, but arm up beforehand with train timetables and google maps, and ask the person whose house you're borowing to leave out some fresh milk, bread, teabags, etc., for when you arrive. Keep some change handy for a taxi incase you need it, and perhaps ask the home owner to leave numbers for good pizza/curry delivery etc.

The idea of leaving both kids with DH sounds cool - you could take a novel and have a bit of time to yourself on the journey. I agree a bit with the poster above about your levels of confidence being low - but I do think this happens to lots of women when they have had children - you can get a bit of a "recluse" mentality after a few years of taking the easier options for your kids and sticking to your routines. Going outside of your comfort zone might be better for you than you think.

However, I can understand where you're coming from a bit - I had a 6mth old who was being BF day and night last summer and bowed out of a close friend's wedding because I couldn't face the idea of having to drive across the country on 5 hours' sleep - also I just knew I wouldn't enjoy it at all because I'd spend my time stressing about the baby etc. That said, I hadn't accepted the invitation at any point, and it wasn't my best mate. It's really hard to decide, and only you can do it, regardless of whether other people think you're right or wrong.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, bit tired. Hope it works out for you.

[weddingmare]

yes jermart I made a bit of a cock up with that I think

It was meant to be child-free but I didn't realise and had arranged for DD to go - she has said this is okay but she would have preferred me just to go with DH, but that wasn't possible

I don't think she minds TOO much

[saintlydamemrsturnip]

If the journey across London is causing you this much anxiety (although agree it's circle line so you don't even need to go underground at Paddington to get on it) then take a taxi.

I think you should do it to boost your confidence, otherwise it will just get harder and harder.

I also think you are too late to cancel.

[Rindercella]

Make it part of your holiday then! I understand that you want to spend the full 7 days with the rest of your family, but unfortunately unless you want to seriously offend your best friend on the biggest day of her life, that ain't going to happen.

So, why don't you start another thread asking for tips on getting through a 7 hour train journey with a 7 year old, tips on how to get across London, tips on how to socialise at a wedding when you don't know anyone there...

You'll have a great time, so will your DD. It's all in the planning though - get that right & you'll have fun

[squeaver]

Tbh, at that point I think you should have made the decision to go by yourself.

So I presume your dd is excited. Another reason why you MUST go.

[fishie]

weddingmare - hatesponge and missblyth have made very good points.

the most vile bit of journey will be hackney to romford, so you will have done the long haul and had a rest. or maybe someone from wedding party will be taking you by car? i do hope so.

where are you staying on night of wedding?

[mumeeee]

Children have child tickets on tubes they are not free. You can order oyster cards over the internet and put money on them then you just use those insteadof ordanairy tickets.

[weddingmare]

night of wedding I am coming back to the west country where we live, so will miss any evening do's - there isn't much spare time. There was no where to stay on the wedding night itself

It will all be public transport unfortunately as I don't know anyone else there

[giantkatestacks]

No kids are free - they just need photocards and oysters once they get to a certain age...which isnt 7.

[squeaver]

Erm, they are free have a look.

Or I've been breaking the law for the past 4 years.

[squeaver]

11 before they have to pay.

[EyeballsintheSky]

Tell us where and when and a group of friendly MNetters will meet you and escort you to Romford Easy peasy, day out for the Londoners, stress free journey for you.

[fishie]

weddingmare you can't go there and back in 24hours.

you will have to find somewhere to stay. there are travelodge / premier inns in romford.

or can't you leave dd behind?

[missblythe]

This staying in Hackney business is going to make it much more complicated than it needs to be.

Any chance you can manage a night in a cheapie hotel in the centre of Romford? They when you arrive in Romford teh night before, all you have to do is check in, knowing that there won't be any travelling again until it's time to go home

This one is only a 5 min walk from the station, and presumably not far from the town hall either. You can leave your bags there while you are at the wedding, then pop back and collect them before you walk back to the station.www.premierinn.com/pti/hotelInformation.do?hotelId=23974

[mumeeee]

Sooryy I thought they could only travel frre if they had an oyster card and then only if they lived in London. I do know about the student oyster card.