Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pull out of best friend's (small) wedding 10 days before the event?

226 replies

weddingmare · 13/07/2009 20:44

I have known about this for about a year - I have NO excuse, I am just utterly dreading it.

I am going with DD, across the country on the train, to stay with a friend for the night (travelling across London). DD is 7 and I've never been away by myself with her, so I'm dreading the whole thing.

She will be the only child there, it's a small do, and worst of all, it will mean missing the last 3 days of our annual summer family holiday (7 days in a caravan) and leaving DH and the baby in the caravan to go.

She's my BEST FRIEND but I am sooo stressed about going, the journey, the train connections, staying in a friend's empty house, finding the venue, missing the holiday... I feel like our ONE holiday together is going to be ruined by me stressing about the whole thing. I feel like crying.

What should I do? I am so stressed. I feel terrible.

OP posts:
daisydotandgertie · 13/07/2009 21:00

why don't you all go to your friends house? Then you and your daughter can go to the wedding while your DH and baby stay behind.

That solves the problem of travelling alone, staying alone and could be a lovely end to the holiday.

It would be very unkind to miss your best friend's wedding tbh.

Hassled · 13/07/2009 21:01

If you miss the 6 minutes changover, there will be another train along eventually. I assume part of the problem is that you've pre-booked tickets and think they'll be invalid if you miss the connection? I'm pretty sure that if the first train is late, you won't be penalised for getting the next one.

Crossing London is fine - the busyness makes you feel anonymous and ignored, which is a good thing if you're feeling anxious. Everything is well signed.

Re finding the venue - print off maps via multimap.com or google maps to bring with you.

IT WILL BE FINE - and you may even have fun. And the stress of the travel will be much less than the stress of letting your best friend down.

Original poster
weddingmare · 13/07/2009 21:04

There is NO WAY my husband is going to agree to come along, believe me

God I feel like such a chump, I've basically been repressing it all for a year

I can't change the holiday

Callisto thanks, can I CAT you?

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 13/07/2009 21:04

Yes go alone it'll be exciting and you'll be so proud of yourself. Plus dh will see (if he doesn't already know) how it is to cope with the 2 of them.

I don't think it's unreasonable for your friend to meet you or send someone once you're nearer?

squeaver · 13/07/2009 21:04

Does your dh know you're this stressed? What's he saying about it all?

hocuspontas · 13/07/2009 21:04

Can you give us a clue of your start and end locations? I'll come and get you if you're close!

Original poster
weddingmare · 13/07/2009 21:06

My friend is staying in a hotel near the venue beforehand so cannot meet me

My husband keeps saying I am a chump - he think I should cancel

basically he thinks I've been an idiot about the whole thing

he often takes them away to London by himself (as he has family there)

OP posts:
squeaver · 13/07/2009 21:09

Hmm nice and supportive then.

Why don't you just go by yourself? God I would love that.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/07/2009 21:11

Have you always been hysterically wussy a bit anxious? Or did it only start some time after your marriage? Because I am trying to decide whether your DH's attitude is him trying to make you udnerstand that you are an adult and it is feasible to travel on public transport without pooing yourself or bursting into flames and actually your DD might enjoy the journey as a sheer adventure - or whether your DH has been treating you as a silly bitch who can't cross the road by herself for so long that you have started to believe him and feel that you are useless and incompetent and should be grateful to him for putting up with you.

Original poster
weddingmare · 13/07/2009 21:11

I won't know anyone there, so going by myself will be almost worse and DD has never been invited to a wedding before

OP posts:
Perfectgangofthree · 13/07/2009 21:12

She's not much of a best friend if she didn't invite your DH, DD and baby. I wouldn't travel 7 hours for a wedding. Pretend you and DD have a vomiting bug and don't go.

missblythe · 13/07/2009 21:14

The travelling to London may well be stressful, but it will be fine. Honestly. The drivers know where they are going, and you are obviously intelligent enough to be at the right station, read signs to get to the right platform and follow instructions from station staff. As others have said, if you miss your train, you just get the next one.

So, the other things you are worried about? Well, can someone meet you when you get to the other end, or when you get to your friend's house? Then they can show you where everything is/the trick with the funny bathroom door etc, and you can have a cup of tea together, and once that's been drunk you'll feel more relaxed and at home.

As for getting to the wedding itself, is your friend's house near to the venue? If it is, ask her to leave you the number of a mini cab firm, so you can book to get to the wedding and back in advance, so you won't need to worry about finding it on the day.

As someone who gets a bit panic-stricken when faced with the unknown I do know how you feel, but try to deal with each bit of your worry separately, rather than as ONE BIG HUGE TERRIFYING WHOLE and it becomes far more manageable.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 13/07/2009 21:14

Why can't your DH have the children while you go alone and enjoy yourself?

Original poster
weddingmare · 13/07/2009 21:15

SGB

TBH I just haven't really been anywhere with the children by myself and that seems to have turned into a VERY LONG PERIOD OF TIME

I am going from west Cornwall and the wedding is in Romford

OP posts:
springlamb · 13/07/2009 21:15

What area of London are you travelling to?

Rindercella · 13/07/2009 21:17

I would definitely go by yourself, or make it into a special mini holiday for just you & your DD. Tbh, your DH sounds a bit of a chump about it all himself - hardly supportive is he?

Take your DD, make the train journey an adventure, get there, relax in your friend's house (how kind of her to offer it to you - she must really want you there), go to the wedding & have lots of fun.

The thing you must do though is to make a decision. Procrastinating & worrying about it now is going to spoil your holiday and your family's holiday. I personally think it is too late in the day to let down your friend unless there was a super valid reason why you can't go.

squeaver · 13/07/2009 21:19

That is a long way. But surely you're just going into one London station and out from the other (Paddington to London Bridge I'm guessing).

squeaver · 13/07/2009 21:20

Or Liverpool Street.

ROFL at SGB btw.

dittany · 13/07/2009 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
weddingmare · 13/07/2009 21:22

well I think her house is somewhere near in Hackney so the whole thing is split up into small grim journeys

OK I am going to plan it in military detail and perhaps I will feel better about it

Dittany: Yes that is it really, West Cornwall once-a-year holiday and I'm abandoning it for a horrible train journey to Romford town hall

OP posts:
mumeeee · 13/07/2009 21:25

YABU to pull out now. She would have sorted out all the numbers by now. Going across London with a 7 year old is not that difficult.When my 3 were younger I took all of thhem to sse my sister in Exeter. We live in Cardiff and I had to change trains in Bristol and one of the children was still in a buggy. I know that is not London but it was still taking 3 young children on a train. You will be fine.

springlamb · 13/07/2009 21:27

But if dh has family in London, why can't you make use of them too?
I think the most stressful part for you is going to be getting from one terminal in London to the other one (which I think may be Liverpool Street). I presume you'll use the tube for this. Could you not meet one of dh's family at Paddington for coffee (so that dd can say hello ) and have them help out getting you across London. Maybe they will go one step further on hearing your plans and offer to ferry you about a bit?
But the tube goes almost to Romford anyway, can you find out how much a cab from Elm Park tube station to your overnight accom would cost?

coppola · 13/07/2009 21:27

You really do have to go.

One - she is your best friend, you have known for a year.

Two - if you make this into a mountain it will be so much harder to do anything else

Three - to prove your DH wrong.

Four - to have a lovely time with your dd

Make sure you can manage your bags by yourself. Make sure you have cash and cards. Put a mini cab number for the Romford area in your phone before you go. If you get stuck on the trains/tubes ask a station assistant, they will help you. If there is anything you need help with at the place you are staying, just ask outright, don't flap. RAH!

TotalChaos · 13/07/2009 21:30

could you get a sleeper train so get into London early the morning of the wedding?

coppola · 13/07/2009 21:30

You're abandoning the caravan in cornwall to go to your best friends wedding. One is a once a year event, the other a once in a lifetime (fingers crossed...)