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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want some honest opinions and I know most are on this subject at this time of night

159 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/04/2009 23:53

Ok ds1 is due to start secondary in September, for his entire schooling (so far) he has been the minority...being the only white child in his class and 1 of 4 in the entire school.

Most of the schools where I live are like this. BUT if i were to move 25 minutes away the schools are more of an even mix would this be wrong to do?

I am not racist at all, i have no room to be BUT i do want him to not only mix with black children.

It would mean either moving now and getting him to school every day or waiting until the schools break up and then moving ready for september.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 17/04/2009 23:55

why don't you want him to mix with only black children at school just as a black or mixed race one of four child would only mix with white ones at school? genuine question. clearly he is surrounded by white children/people in his life right?

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 17/04/2009 23:57

hasnt he already been allocated school place for september?
shouldnt you have addressed this earlier if it's an issue for you?
what does he think?
which is school best suited to your ds? shouldnt that be your criterion?

beanieb · 17/04/2009 23:58

why don't you want him mixing only with black children?

Will he be the only white child there then?

steviesgirl · 17/04/2009 23:58

I would feel exactly the same if I was in your situation. I'd say do what you think is best for your ds. If it was my dd I'd hate her to feel in a minority and would feel very inclined to move nearer more even mixed schools.

Simplysally · 17/04/2009 23:59

I'd be more worried about the reputation/teaching of the schools than the ethnic mix.

I'm afraid you do sound racist by expressing these opinions even though you may not mean to.

Bonneville · 18/04/2009 00:02

I dont think the OP sounds racist at all. FGS can nothing be discussed without accusations of racism?

Nancy66 · 18/04/2009 00:03

Is he happy? Has he made friends? Is he getting a good education? If so - leave him where he is.

Ronaldinhio · 18/04/2009 00:05

Are you in the UK?
MY SIL had this worry but she was in SA...her concern was that her dd was only really speaking Zulu all day and that her English was suffering.

What are the real issues?

Simplysally · 18/04/2009 00:05

The OP mentioned racism herself . I was replying to her comment. Is that not allowed?

steviesgirl · 18/04/2009 00:05

OP would only be racist if she'd have said "I don't want him mixing with any black children. I want him to go to an all-white school". She just wants her ds to mix with other white children too. What the hell is wrong with that?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 00:07

Right where to start...

I am far from racist being mixed raced myself even though white...grandparents were Polish, Palestinain and Romanian..so yes Mixed Race.

He has been allocated a place for september but I am not happy with the school it was the last choice as apposed to first choice.
He does not want to go to the local school tbh and that is HIS choice not mine...if it was a good school I would be pushing him to go but it is not a brilliant school. Before it changed its name it was the school all the children excluded from other schools were sent to.

I don't have a problem with him mixing with any race but the schools where we live are mainly black children and I feel he should be mixing with all races iyswim?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 00:08

without stating the obvious you know the demographics of whwre you live,ypou say you do

why the beef now

what has changed or alarmed you?why do you feel jittery now as oposed to when you allocated school

why do you see it as black/white issue.as you say "BUT i do want him to not only mix with black children".

why do you conceptualise this as colour and not as simply school children at local school

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 00:09

Would you feel the same way if your ds was the onlt asian/black child in his year? Or school for that matter. I remeber when i was at secondary school, there were literally 4 black children. How do you think thier parents feel? Well actually my family are friends with the one family who a black child at the school. She never once threw a critisism at the school becuase it was mojority white children. Instead she knew that becuase she wanted to better her family and that she lived in a prodominently white area, but had a very good school for her children, it didnt matter, she learned to live with it. Her daughter now is one of the My camp rock singers, on the Disney channel.

If the school id good/gets good gcse grades, has v.good teaching then i wouldnt worry. Colour of skin should not matter. my daughter is mixed race and Id love to find a school that is a mix of all races.

Ronaldinhio · 18/04/2009 00:10

I can see your point...move for September

steviesgirl · 18/04/2009 00:11

I understnad what you mean TheLadyEvenstar. But you dare mention anything to do with race. Apparently you're instantly racist

tigerdriver · 18/04/2009 00:11

I think you should go for the school you want. If that means moving, so be it. Not sure it's a race issue????

Simplysally · 18/04/2009 00:12

I would imagine that there are other white people around him but I still fail to see why a school populated by mostly black children is a bad thing. If it was to do with the school's reputation in the community generally or teaching standards then fair comment. But the OP has based her question on the ethnic mix alone.

blossomsmine · 18/04/2009 00:13

I think the op was scared of being classed as racist.....some people do feel a little wary of saying the wrong thing....

I really don't know how i would feel, i don't think it would be a problem to me but then i have never even thought of a situation like that.

At my dc's schools there has only ever been, say, a couple of black children, maybe one or two polish children, a couple of chinese children and then the rest (loads!) of white children....

We live in a fairly quite villagey area and you very rarely see anyone but white people walking around the streets. I would love it if our area was more mixed.

Saying that, we had a polish shop open a year or so ago, but it has closed now.

I really hope my post doesn't offend anyone.

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 00:14

But if she had to go to an all black school it wouldnt worry me at all. If its not a good school then why is that? why is the council not making this school better. It looks to me like they need more recources and better education. Maybe if your ds was to go here, you could join the PTA and have a say in what goes on at the school. Would you feel better then?

scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 00:14

moving solely for results is educational preference/selection.moving because too many black faces,well that is another type of preference and selection

Simplysally · 18/04/2009 00:17

Precisely SM.

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 00:17

What are the ofsted reports for the school. Why dont you read them? Find out the gcse grades on the local authority website. Then amke a choice.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 00:18

Chelle, so what is the difference between you wanting a school of many races and me? just curious?

Simply, I based it on the fact that I know a lot of children that go to the school he has been allocated and tbh I am not happy as I said it was not my first choice of school.

I just want him to have an even mix of cultures/races around him and for him to not be in the minority...how is that racist?

I would not want him going to a predominantly white school either....I want a mix.

OP posts:
BlueEyedMaid · 18/04/2009 00:19

If you use skin colour only as a reason to send him elsewhere then yep, that's racist - like it or not.

Why does it matter what colour the other kids are? The question should be - is it a good school and does it have nice kids and teachers?

But this doesn't appear to worry you so I suspect your misgivings have more to do with culture and whether you and/or your son have much in common with the other families? A sense of community is important at any school so if you lack this now then I can see why you'd like a change. But then again, having the same skin colour as other parents and kids is no guarantee you'll get on.

I'd like to know exactly what the problem is in your mind in terms of him mixing mostly with black kids for another few years.

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 00:20

And also, just bcus a child learns slang it doesnt mean thier english is affected. I hear slang if you can call it everyday from my dp, whos jamaican/antiguan. It rubs off on me when i speak to him BUT when it comes down to writing letters, speaking to others I am very litterate and speak 'proper' english.