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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want some honest opinions and I know most are on this subject at this time of night

159 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/04/2009 23:53

Ok ds1 is due to start secondary in September, for his entire schooling (so far) he has been the minority...being the only white child in his class and 1 of 4 in the entire school.

Most of the schools where I live are like this. BUT if i were to move 25 minutes away the schools are more of an even mix would this be wrong to do?

I am not racist at all, i have no room to be BUT i do want him to not only mix with black children.

It would mean either moving now and getting him to school every day or waiting until the schools break up and then moving ready for september.

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 18/04/2009 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:06

Scottish if you read my posts I am not happy with the allocated school overall hence my initial posting.

Not only do I want him to go to a school with an even mix and yes I will keep saying it, I want him to go to a school which is academically better than the allocated one, also one which is not known for where the trouble kids are sent, and like it or not when you see the kids in the local subway threatening the saleman with a gun ...I have an issue with my son atending the school...I do not like the area I am in and would move tomorrow if i could....I think I will go with what my heart tells me and move the 25 minutes up the road to the better schools...

Maybe if the kids round here were not so known for trouble then i would be happier sending him to the said school....

I live in a predominantly black area of London, I am not racist or as pointed out by someone earlier seeing as his class has always been the same I would have moved him way before now.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 01:06

Tell me would it matter SM if they were African/jamaican/egyptian or other types of 'black' people, would this make a difference to her view? Its not the fact thier 'black' that shes trying to point out.

scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 01:09

there you go again chelles butting in for someone else.why not let LES talk.she is capeable without you doing the "and another fing she said/meant act

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:09

Stay,

The school was known for the troubled kids being sent there ever since i was at school...and I left a longgggggggg time ago...it changed its name a few years ago. the school he is at now he is only 1 of 4 white children in the school and I would like him to go to an even mixed school or maybe thats the wrong wording...and yes he is bullied where he is...and some of those bullies are going to be at th school he has been allocated a place at...

I should have put it all in one posting...but i was too busy eating cheesecake seeing to ds2.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 01:10

Stayfrosty - im old school. And fucked up to me means a drag of the ear, to grandmas house and a whip with the belt. But its true its most kids these days that think they can do what they want say what they want. it needs to stop. the belt never scarred my dp for life, just taught him respect.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:12

SM, I have said previously i would not want him going to a predominantly (crap spelling i think) white school I think all children should mix with all cultures i just don't want him in a school which is not academically brilliant, has a bad reputation even if it is from the past and also has some of the bullies going there.

If they were green I would be worrying as well as i don't think martians (they are apparently green) would be doing very well in our schools

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 01:12

and SM, i aint speaking for her, just on behalf of her...i feel she is being too hassled about the race issue, espeacially by you, just drop it!

scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 01:16

LES.fair enough.you seek good education.laudable.your op is ropy that is what i commented on and some other subsequent comments

you have considerably elaborated on ohter issues eg bullying etc.understandably you want the best for your child.most do

all i am saying is colour of pupils skin is not a necessarily determinant of good school/bad school

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:16

Maybe I should have got it all into one posting but hey the choice was too tempting eat the cheesecake see to ds2 or type it all in one go.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:17

SM no but in a predominantly black area unfortunatly the trouble/misunderstood/blamed children are the majority iyswim?

OP posts:
SOLOisMeredithGrey · 18/04/2009 01:18

In the 60's and 70's, black/mixed race kids were a minority in schools and it's fairly obvious why that was.
TLE like me, is a fair bit older that some MNetters and the younger ones amoungst us have more than likely been at school with many more ethnic children. For me, it was a very small number and no doubt it was more for TLE as she's younger than me.
It's not about colour, it's about a more even mix of ethnicities and I'd feel exactly the same in her situation...Not sure what I'd do in your situation though TheLadyEvenstar, but I wish you luck.

scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 01:18

see thing is chelles you need to get with the programme and read what has been said and cut the hey dont diss a mate act.rather than looking for a scrap,doll

i shall continue to address LESas she was the OP.

Not you

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 01:22

oh dear, i take it you love starting arguments. Be it so...

I think ive read everything that everyone has said pretty clearly, and your last post before this one proved it, as you have just said the same thing I did 20 min ago...i was shocked to see it actually. Address LES be my guest, but this is an opinion site, and my opinion on your comment is fair. dont care if you dont like it.

And doll? lol. i wish. Barbie is beautiful!

scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 01:22

LES do you agree for chelles to advocate and talk on you behalf?

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 01:25

Oh your befriending her now...great one, been as you were just slating her 10 min ago saying her post was uncomfortable.

scottishmummy · 18/04/2009 01:27

who do you persist in presuming to talk for another poster

most curious

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 01:28

Again, It was MY opinion. Can you read properly?

StayFrosty · 18/04/2009 01:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:33

I did not come on here to start arguing among fellow mnetters. I came on here because i do indeed want others opinions.

I do not want anyone talking on my behalf..unless i lose the ability to type.

I was distracted whilst typing my OP blame the cheese cake ok !!!

Solo is right, when i went to school there was indeed a more even mix, hell my best friends were rastafarian (sp) brothers who i defended to the ends of the earth, a disabled boy who i looked after, some gypsies who settled for a while, a chinese girl who i was with a lot and my cousin...who is half czhecoslovakian (ok i know that is spelt so so so wrong lol

I know todays society has so many other races and i want my son to mix with all. I do want whats best for him and thats why I am looking at moving out of the area a bit to be nearer the catchment area of better schools. remember I also have ds2 who will in 18m-2 yrs be starting school........

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 01:35

LMAO SF I will always make sure I finish the cheesecake childcare duties first because it was so delicious hard eating looking after ds2 and typing

OP posts:
mumzy · 18/04/2009 08:46

I think TheladyEvenstar is YANBU or racist as she wants her child to be in a school where he is not in the minority. Turn the situation around and there are lots of posters from other nationalities who say they prefer to send their children to a school with more ethnic minorities in it rather than a predominately white populated school where they might be picked on.
Children can be cruel and bullying someone because of any precieved differences is very common. I think you should do whats best by your child and not get too hung up about what others will think.

Hassled · 18/04/2009 09:01

I think your problem is that even if you do move soonish, it won't automatically get you a place in the new catchment school. The secondaries will all have allocated places - just because you arrive in the catchment it doesn't mean you'll get a place in that school, unless it's underscubscribed.

WinkyWinkola · 18/04/2009 09:24

I don't know if it's racist. I think it's a wee bit odd though. The only thing I would worry about with any school, regardless of colour of the children's skins the OFSTED report and whether English was the first language. That's the main issue surely? Is it a good school?

And I don't think your own personal mixed race background excludes you from racism. Black people can be racist so can Jewish etc.

I don't really see why it matters if the school has more black kids than white. The mix will never be perfectly balanced anyway in any school and it will change year in, year out.

If you want your kids to mix with more white kids, then make some more white friends outside of school. Actually, that does sound racist. What message are you sending to your child? Too many blacks in that school for you dear.

I do think this is a very odd way of thinking. The school reflects your neighbourhood and your neighbourhood is surely just as valid a cultural vibe as any other? Or isn't it?

And as for the bullying argument - if kids want to bully, they'll pick on anything from knobbly knees to your eyelashes being too far apart. Just because you send them to a different school doesn't mean you're going to avoid bullying.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 18/04/2009 10:18

i expect you'll think this harsh... but having caught up with your thread i am left thinking that if (quite rightly) your ds's education is v important to you then it is a shame you

didnt research all the options before filling in form (you dont HAVE to put a third choice) and only put down schools you would have wanted ds to attend

didnt make it an absolute priority to send the form in in good time before the deadline so your ds was considered on an equal footing with all candidates

find out asap after allocation day (beginning march? c 6 weeks ago?) what you options were re appealing / putting ds's name on continued interest / waiting lists art preferred schools.....

your somewhat unfocused complaints / ideas aren't going to result in a place for ds at a school which you think will suit him..... and as someone hgas said moving house over summer may make the situation worse / no better without careful advance research.... the good schools in any new area will likely already be full and he will be allocated to the less poular / good one which still has places i expect....

carry on.