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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want some honest opinions and I know most are on this subject at this time of night

159 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/04/2009 23:53

Ok ds1 is due to start secondary in September, for his entire schooling (so far) he has been the minority...being the only white child in his class and 1 of 4 in the entire school.

Most of the schools where I live are like this. BUT if i were to move 25 minutes away the schools are more of an even mix would this be wrong to do?

I am not racist at all, i have no room to be BUT i do want him to not only mix with black children.

It would mean either moving now and getting him to school every day or waiting until the schools break up and then moving ready for september.

OP posts:

junglist1 · 18/04/2009 10:30

My children are half turkish london born and go to a school where the majority of children are asylum seekers,from a variety of countries. It's a good school, my kids love it, and it's much easier for me as a parent because they know everyone is equal and they have a good mix of friends without me having to teach them this without the experience to back it up.
I'm soon moving out to Essex, however, and am worried about the kids going to a majority white school, especially as they have Turkish names. It sounds crazy and I am probably being stupid, I just don't want them picked on, so I understand what the OP is saying in this regard.

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 18/04/2009 10:35

i think this is the real issue

TheLadyEvenstar on Sat 18-Apr-09 00:28:07
Chelles because it was the school all the trouble children were sent to BUT i was told I had to put another choice so i added it as a random if that makes sense. Not even considering for one millisecond he would get that and not the 1st or 2nd choices.

He doesn't want to go there..I already said that. He wants to go to another school....I could appeal but..still not gaurentee

you added a school you did not want him to go to, have not appealled , and time is marching on..

even if you move, you are going to struggle to get him a place in a good school surely?

i am so sorry your son is being bullied and having a hard time. that is a totally seperate issue from the racial mix of the school

i agree with controlfreaky's last post entirely.

AbricotsSecs · 18/04/2009 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

blueshoes · 18/04/2009 10:54

Ladyevenstar, it is the right decision to change schools, from everything I have read.

On the issue of race, my children are racially mixed and one of the reasons I am so happy with my dcs' current school is that the school has a mix of all races and nationalities, far more than the predominantly white middleclass state school and prep school which we also considered. This diversity is echo-ed by many parents at our school as a positive thing and a factor in their choice.

Does that make us all racists?

Is what we chose to do different from Ladyevenstar?

magentadreamer · 18/04/2009 11:06

I'd be more worried that it's the school were all the children who have been expelled from other schools end up and not the fact your DS will be in a minority.

akhems · 18/04/2009 12:10

Same thing happened to my son Lady, I decided to take a chance and hope it would be ok.

Biggest mistake I ever made. My son is now 17, he did not attend school for the last three years and his attendance prior to that was sporadic, unbeknownst to me he was truanting because of bullying and the school failed to notify me of his absences. I only found out when his face was slashed with a pen knife to mark him out as having been 'done' by one of the gangs.

He's now at college on a vocational course and doing well, but I soo regret my bad decision and it's consequences, because he suffered horribly.

Move, run away from that school as fast as you can.

AbricotsSecs · 18/04/2009 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WinkyWinkola · 18/04/2009 13:15

But is it a good school? Sorry if I've missed that.

A good school doesn't necessarily depend on a varied mix of races.

My high school was good and was dominantly Asian.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 21:31

I have already said it is not a good school.

There is one area I would happily move to which has vacancies in a good school and he would get a place there.

I am concerened at the lack of ethnic mix when it affects my son of course I am and who wouldn't be?

OP posts:

MrsMerryHenry · 18/04/2009 21:33

There have been so many threads exactly like this. Can you not just do a search for past threads instead of boring us all?

FWIW I was a minority amongst white children at my school. And I turned out just fine.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 21:50

I haven't said he won't turn out fine however when I see his confidence affected because of bullies I have concerns.

FWIW If I am boring you, you can hide this thread or just not bother reading it...

This is a forum for parents to ask advice from other parents...which afaik is what I am doing.

OP posts:

chegirl · 18/04/2009 21:54

Genuine question.

When you say the school is almost all black what do you mean, I am curious because I have not had experience of this.

Even in the inner cities it is unusual to have a school where West Indian children are in the majority isnt it? Or African.

My son's school is mixed and there are a lot of black kids and mixed kids but they are still not the majority and they are a mixture of afro carribean and african and mixed race. So even within the black school population there is a lot of diversity.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 21:58

Chegirl

I mean just what I say the school he is in has 4 maybe 5 white children, 2 indian children 3 mixed race children and the rest are black, jamaican and african.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 18/04/2009 21:58

Something else bothering you that you want to share with us, MrsMH? What a dead place mn would be if every poster could only post on a topic that has never been done before.

chegirl · 18/04/2009 22:07

Wow where is that? General area, I am not expecting you to give me your address or anything [grin}

Personally it wouldnt bother me. There have been discussions here about schools where the majority of children have English as a second language and share a dominant religion. I agree this could cause some difficulties Presumably this would not be the case in the school you are talking about.

Ideally schools should be as mixed as possible but this is not the case in many parts of the country. Its just that its usually the schools are all white.

I guess you need to weigh up the pros and cons and make your decision based on that.

chegirl · 18/04/2009 22:07

That should have been of course.

MrsMerryHenry · 18/04/2009 22:09

What I'm saying is that this topic has been done to the death and gets up my nose. What a dead place MN would be if I couldn't say that!

Why do you think he'll be bullied, LadyG? I was picked on at school but by a child of the same colour as me. And equally don't you think he could be bullied in a school with a different ethnic mix? Kids are kids, fgs.

blueshoes · 18/04/2009 22:16

MrsMH, you are totally within your rights to resort to snidey put downs. Just be aware how you are coming across, and why others would point that out.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 22:17

MMH I don't think he will be bullied he already is bullied and has been for most of his schooling to date. The bullies, well some of them are going to the school he has been offered a place at hence the reason for not wanting him to go there, I cannot change the fact that the bullies are black and the area is predominantly black.

Che....in between lewisham and camberwell, but his school is in Camberwell atm. His secondary won't be,

OP posts:

chegirl · 18/04/2009 22:22

I used to live there but I didnt have kids then.

chegirl · 18/04/2009 22:30

I cant understand how/why a school can become majority black. Lewisham for eg. is a predominatly white area so if the school is there (I know it may not be but as an example) how do schools become like this?

There are Asian communities so I can sort of understand why schools may be predominantly Asian but this is different.

Ramblingly off topic I suppose but schools should be mixed and reflect the population of the community setting IMO.

MrsMerryHenry · 18/04/2009 22:32

Blueshoes, I never normally do snidey put-downs, but when people say they're worried about their child being a minority because of the skin colour of their classmates, frankly they should expect flak.

LadyE I am genuinely sad for you and your son that he's been bullied, that's really awful. However I can assure you that not all black children are bullies.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/04/2009 22:32

Che, its not in Lewisham is it in Camberwell and the secondary is in Peckham.

OP posts:

MrsMerryHenry · 18/04/2009 22:42

If your real concern is that the bullies might go to his new school, why didn't you just say that in your OP? Why make it an issue of colour?

onebatmother · 18/04/2009 22:49

It depends. If the general community is integrated I'd say what's the prob. If not, and one group doesn't socialize with the other, I'd say move him.

I don't think it's ever good for a child to be in a definite minority.

This position is always contradictory (eg A wants her girls to be educ. single-sex, but her boys to go to a mixed-school)

But I reckon that if any parent had the choice of not having their kids be the odd one out, they'd prob take it.

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