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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that many people in society have lost compassion and become selfish.

203 replies

Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:15

MN seems quite harsh today so maybe posting this ain't such a good idea, but hey-ho, I want honest opinions.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have 2yo dd, I look more pregnant that I am, I think I'm having a toddler rather than a baby. My car is in the garage, not that that makes a huge amount of difference as I use the bus allot anyway.

I was on the train on Sunday, I had a booked seat but there was some problem with bookings and no seats were showing as booked. The train was busy, I couldn't find a seat in either section near the door where my buggy was parked. I asked the conductor and he grumbled something about using my eyes to look. I didn't want to go too far from my buggy and there was no room to fold it in the luggage. A whole train load of people saw me stand there for 90 mins and nobody offered me a seat.

Today I got the bus home from town and while I was trying to hold onto my dd and get the buggy out the luggage rack, people were pushing past me to get off the bus. It was clear I was trying to get off and even people with kids pushed me out the way. My buggy wheel was stuck and in the end the driver got out his seat and helped me while all the people on the bus looked at me like I was holding up the bus on purpose.

Yesterday I saw a young couple ram their buggy into an old man on the bus because he didn't move when they wanted to put their buggy in the disabled section. He obviously didn't know they wanted to put their buggy there.

Last week I held the door open in Pret for a woman coming in behind me, a stream of people came through the door and I looked like a pregnant door lady with a buggy.

At lunch today 2 suited guys asked to move table because they didn't know they were in the children's section. It was Pizza Express and my dd was asleep.

I see young guys park in P&T. I see people in sports cars clearly able bodied park in disabled spots. People tut at you when you walk too slow on the pavement (2yo don't walk fast).

I always offer my seat to pregnant or elderly people, there's even a sign saying you should do so. I never park in disabled and only park in P&T if I don't have my buggy. I am patient with other peoples kids and I'm a polite person who considers other people.

Am I a fucking doormat?

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 17:17
bronze · 01/04/2009 17:19

and breathe

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 01/04/2009 17:22

yabu

the world has always had twats and some very excellent people in it

Some days you only see the twats

this is one of those days

MorrisZapp · 01/04/2009 17:22

There's a lot of rudeness about, but there always has been.

Lots of people who seem rude might just be having a bad day. I was feeling crap yesterday and probably scowled at everybody who looked at me, and sighed audibly when held up behind old folks/ small kids in the supermarket.

Mostly I'm the soul of politeness but on stressful days it can seem as if the world is conspiring to stop you walking along a pavement or get to the shelves you need in the shop.

Fimbo · 01/04/2009 17:23

I agree and everybody seems disgruntled. When I lived in a wee village in Scotland everybody said "hi" from little tots to oap's regardless of whether you knew them or not. I have lived in this house for about 18months now, I have tried hard to wave, speak, smile at my neighbours across the way, they blank me.

MotherofInvention · 01/04/2009 17:30

Nearly fell off my bike today when a teenager actually thanked me for waiting for him to pass.

However, we were possibly both being antisocial by cycling on the pavement. BUT - that was only because all the cars going by were driven by maniacs, who were probably all having a terrible day. Or something.

Not sure where I'm going with his. Can I have a biscuit?

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 17:35

I don't think you are being unreasonable. There have indeed always been people like this, but it used to be less acceptable! They'd be judged!! But now, well, it's a free for all.

There's another thread where a few people are saying you don't really need to thank people for getting out of your way cos it's their choice to do so..it's the little things like that that make you realise just how bad things have got.

It seems like so many people bother about nobody but themselves, yet expect others to put them first too .

londonone · 01/04/2009 17:42

Well I think you were unreasonable for taking a buggy unfolded onto a crowded train! I also don't like sitting near children in restaurants! I never park in disabled spaces but i think p&c spaces are ridiculous. I always hold doors open and let people off the train first.

Nobody is perfect some people are rude but other things are a matter of perspective!

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 17:44

Confuzzled I agree to some extent, and no you are not a doormat. The only way to feel good is to have some integrity yourself, hopefully set an example to other people.

Also, be assertive. If you need a seat, ask someone - really sweetly. I have never been turned down in these circumstances. You shouldn't have to, but at least you have taken some action, done something rather than sat and fumed and felt powerless. I also ask people to pick up their rubbish, and I have intervened in fights if I thought it was safe to do so (wouldn't want my DH to do this, though).

BUT, I still think the vast majority are good, kind, and want to do the right thing (I'd put it at about 90%)

And that is the sermon for today

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 17:46

P.S I am in a serene mood today.

Ask me again tomorrow ......

katiestar · 01/04/2009 17:47

YANBU
A few years ago DH and I took our 2-day-old baby (in arms) and 3 older children to a packed church service and nobody offered me a seat .This is a church we regularky attend so they knew I had just given birth.Eventually DH politely pointed out I really needed to be seated.With a lot of huffing and puffing people finally shuffled up with comments about it being too early to be out with the baby !.(we had nearly lost her and I wanted to give thanks for her safe arrival.)

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 01/04/2009 17:50

katiestar - OMFG

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 17:53

Katiestar I was feeling serene. What a bunch of tossers!
Did you say anything?

Tortington · 01/04/2009 17:53

an elderly lady crossing the road
fell right in the middle of the road.

a young lad on a bike, scruffy type, hoody, trackies - literally drops his bike and jumps off right there...helps the lady up with her bags - makes sure she is ok

rides off.

that was my son that was

whoingodsnameami · 01/04/2009 17:54

Londonone, why is taking a buggy unfolded onto a crowded train unreasonable, it would'nt take up any more room than a standing toddler and a folded buggy, especially if op had shopping bags too, and asking a toddler to stand still for 90 minutes would really just be a waste of time.

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 17:55

custardo thank God.

londonone · 01/04/2009 17:57

Whoingodsname - Are you kidding, most buggies now are the size of a small family car!

Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:57

Oh, thanks for tea, cake and buscuit. Didn't really appreciate how much I was ranting until I read it back.

I'm feeling self righteous and setting an example for those who've had a bad day or think it's acceptable to treat other like crap.

I will try and be more assertive.

Whats wrong with taking a buggy on a busy train. I'm not going to leave it behind or wait 2 hours for the next train. There was no room in the luggage section to fold it up so I left it open so I could wheel it out the way of the doors when we stopped a stations. I was holding a handle with one hand and my dd with the other. Next time, I'll grow a third arm so I can fold the buggy and hold it above my head!

OP posts:
Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:58

Katiestar thats shocking.

Custardo, thats what I hope my kids will be like.

OP posts:
londonone · 01/04/2009 17:58

So the toddler wasn't even in the buggy!

Fairynufff · 01/04/2009 18:01

What I try and focus on is the amount of really nice, kind people there actually is in a world of twats. If you look for them, even on MN, they are there

Fairynufff · 01/04/2009 18:03

Custardo - don't always agree with you but your post gave me a warm glow. Well done for being a brilliant mother!

whoingodsnameami · 01/04/2009 18:04

londonone, she is pregnant fgs, if buggies on trains were a problem there would be a sign stating so.

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 18:05

londonone No offence, but I suggest you read the OP again:

She booked a seat, but the train company messed up, so no seat

She is preggers and has a toddler,

No room to store a folded buggy

She made sure she kept the buggy out the way

No one offered her a seat

Train man employed to help was v unhelpful

londonone · 01/04/2009 18:16

I read it. My personal view is that it is a PITA to have space on the train used up by unused buggies which are all bloody enormous thesedays.

Other people who booked seats presumably didn't get their seats either.

Why didn't she put her toddler into the buggy? At least then it would be serving some purpose.

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