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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that many people in society have lost compassion and become selfish.

203 replies

Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:15

MN seems quite harsh today so maybe posting this ain't such a good idea, but hey-ho, I want honest opinions.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have 2yo dd, I look more pregnant that I am, I think I'm having a toddler rather than a baby. My car is in the garage, not that that makes a huge amount of difference as I use the bus allot anyway.

I was on the train on Sunday, I had a booked seat but there was some problem with bookings and no seats were showing as booked. The train was busy, I couldn't find a seat in either section near the door where my buggy was parked. I asked the conductor and he grumbled something about using my eyes to look. I didn't want to go too far from my buggy and there was no room to fold it in the luggage. A whole train load of people saw me stand there for 90 mins and nobody offered me a seat.

Today I got the bus home from town and while I was trying to hold onto my dd and get the buggy out the luggage rack, people were pushing past me to get off the bus. It was clear I was trying to get off and even people with kids pushed me out the way. My buggy wheel was stuck and in the end the driver got out his seat and helped me while all the people on the bus looked at me like I was holding up the bus on purpose.

Yesterday I saw a young couple ram their buggy into an old man on the bus because he didn't move when they wanted to put their buggy in the disabled section. He obviously didn't know they wanted to put their buggy there.

Last week I held the door open in Pret for a woman coming in behind me, a stream of people came through the door and I looked like a pregnant door lady with a buggy.

At lunch today 2 suited guys asked to move table because they didn't know they were in the children's section. It was Pizza Express and my dd was asleep.

I see young guys park in P&T. I see people in sports cars clearly able bodied park in disabled spots. People tut at you when you walk too slow on the pavement (2yo don't walk fast).

I always offer my seat to pregnant or elderly people, there's even a sign saying you should do so. I never park in disabled and only park in P&T if I don't have my buggy. I am patient with other peoples kids and I'm a polite person who considers other people.

Am I a fucking doormat?

OP posts:
spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 18:42

londone, I never equated them with disabled spaces, don't be so ridiculous!

However, I would ask you to walk a mile in my shoes - trying to get a 23 1/2 lb baby into a car seat when nine weeks pg and already suffering crippling SPD. Yep, it's not far off torture, but thanks for your understanding.

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave · 01/04/2009 18:42

Because then a small 2 year old is standing, taking up a place that YOU have paid for. And you get squashed.

londonone · 01/04/2009 18:42

sponge - I can go into plenty of reasons but of course you will shoot me down because you see what is convenient and helpful for you as I see what is convenient and helpful for me. We are looking at things from different perspectives.

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave · 01/04/2009 18:43

Londonone, are you a parent?

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 18:43

oh londonone, of all the things to object to in the scenario the op has described, surely the volume of trainspace used by a toddler is the most minor?

Mine wouldn't stay in on a train/tube. if I made them, they screamed. 2cubic ft versus screaming, 2 cubic ft versus screaming (for 90 mins). It's a tough call.

psychomum5 · 01/04/2009 18:44

londonone, do you have PMT lovie, cos you really are coming across horribly!

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 18:44

Please read my post. Who else needs that space more than me? If you don't have a disability or children you can park anywhere in the car park and (shock, horror) walk to the shops!

I managed it for 35 years before I had a child - never got my knickers in a twist about the fact that "it's not fair that other people get to park in special places and I don't"!

Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 18:44

I should clear this up.

I took dd out the buggy to get a seat on the train. I intended to fold it and put it in the luggage section. It's a maclaren so it folds down quite small. When I saw there was no booking tickets in the backs of the seats I thought there was something wrong. There where other people looking for their booked seats and then an announcement came on saying there was a problem with bookings blah blah.

The luggage section was overflowing, my buggy would not fit. I had my dd's birthday presents from my Mum and sister, too much to carry through all the busy compartments looking for a seat. I had hoped that someone would offer me a seat and I could get up and move the buggy to the side that wasn't pulling into the platforms when the train stopped. (Yes, I should have asked someone for a seat, but I don't mutter .

After a short while I put my dd back into her buggy.

I understand if you live in London and your hopping on and off the tube, buggys do no doubt take up lots of space. But this is a rural train, one of those electric express ones, not much storage for luggage but loads of space around the doors.

I think P&T spaces are a great privilage but are taken advantage of.

There are often lots of disabled spaces because most of the time idiots who don't need them, park in them. My FIL is in a chair and we quite often can't get a space.

OP posts:
chequersmate · 01/04/2009 18:44

Yeah I know ilove - I started a thread a few weeks ago about how helpful strangers were when I took DD to London, was just a jokey stereotype.

Londonone, is it true you don't have any children? Seems a bit weird to come on a parenting site and complain about people with buggys if that's true (apols if it's not, picking up on something another poster said)

londonone · 01/04/2009 18:44

I didn't say you did sponge but lots of people do. IMO if you are suffering from SPD you should be able to park in a disabled space.

elvislives · 01/04/2009 18:45

londonone I had little children before p&t spaces. There weren't so many cars on the road for a start plus rear-facing car seats didn't exist and it wasn't law to use child seats.

Having to climb over a seat if you are young and alone is fine. If you are pregnant or have a small baby you have to leave alone in a trolley in the car park while you mess about is another matter.

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 18:45

I am a londoner too!

Iamalondoner go into your reasons. We are all adults here

Grendle · 01/04/2009 18:47

YANBU. It's really tough being 20 weeks pregnant with a toddler and the world should be kinder. Many of these people will one day 'get it' when they have children or pregnant wife of their own.

Meanwhile, having a rant and a cup of tea is a good idea .

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 18:47

Sorry, meant londonone. Lack of serenity now making me forgetful

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 18:48

Londonone is of the survival of the fittest school, I think.
I do dislike rampant individualism, esp since the individual almost always fails to recognize that the other person is also an individual with needs/desires/feelings.

chequersmate · 01/04/2009 18:49

I've never had a problem getting DD's car seat out of my polo even in the tiniest spaces but out of DH's estate car is a different matter.

So, the moral of the story is - have no more than two children and drive a small car and the you won't need p&t spaces.

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 18:49

I blame Thatcher

FioFio · 01/04/2009 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cheshirekitty · 01/04/2009 18:51

But there was no room for the buggy, folded or otherwise.

YANBU. People can be very self obsessed at times.

londonone · 01/04/2009 18:51

Confuzzled - Thankyou for more context, I was very much thinking of the sorts of trains and crowding we get in London.

If most of you actually bothered to read my initial post it was actually saying that some things are a matter of perspective and some people are just rude. I wasn't being unsympathetic I was simply pointing out things from a different point of view, I thought that is what AIBU was for.

I don't have kids, will be ttc quite soon, but I do work with kids all day and everyday so don't actually think it's odd for me to be on MN. It's a shame that it seems some Mums think non parents are not allowed to have an opinion. I am not asking people to agree with me, just putiing forward my point.

Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 18:51

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave , I'm just checking my op to see if I was looking for sympathy........... and, hormonally pregnant and ranting......yes I probably was. AIBU isn't really the sympathy section though

OP posts:
spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 18:53

screaming, lol! I blame Thatcher for everything too - bitch!

londonone, good luck with ttc and good luck with tyring to get in and out of a car when 9 mths pg or with small children. You will change your mind about p&c spaces I guarantee you.

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 18:53

"It's a shame that it seems some Mums think non parents are not allowed to have an opinion."

Actually, that's not quite what was said. It's just fairly clear that you've not been in that situation; nor do you possess the instinctive empathy which would allow you to imagine what it might have been like.

chequersmate · 01/04/2009 18:55

I think you're both entitled to be on MN and to have an opinion londonone.

I think you were quite wrong to assume the Op was taking a massive buggy on a train. I, and all my friends have maclarens or smilar umbrella style buggys for those kinds of journeys.

Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 18:55

Oh and I wasn't saying you shouldn't take buggy's on the london underground. We have a right to take our kids on public transport and anyone with kids would probably understand that.

OP posts:
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