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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that many people in society have lost compassion and become selfish.

203 replies

Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:15

MN seems quite harsh today so maybe posting this ain't such a good idea, but hey-ho, I want honest opinions.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have 2yo dd, I look more pregnant that I am, I think I'm having a toddler rather than a baby. My car is in the garage, not that that makes a huge amount of difference as I use the bus allot anyway.

I was on the train on Sunday, I had a booked seat but there was some problem with bookings and no seats were showing as booked. The train was busy, I couldn't find a seat in either section near the door where my buggy was parked. I asked the conductor and he grumbled something about using my eyes to look. I didn't want to go too far from my buggy and there was no room to fold it in the luggage. A whole train load of people saw me stand there for 90 mins and nobody offered me a seat.

Today I got the bus home from town and while I was trying to hold onto my dd and get the buggy out the luggage rack, people were pushing past me to get off the bus. It was clear I was trying to get off and even people with kids pushed me out the way. My buggy wheel was stuck and in the end the driver got out his seat and helped me while all the people on the bus looked at me like I was holding up the bus on purpose.

Yesterday I saw a young couple ram their buggy into an old man on the bus because he didn't move when they wanted to put their buggy in the disabled section. He obviously didn't know they wanted to put their buggy there.

Last week I held the door open in Pret for a woman coming in behind me, a stream of people came through the door and I looked like a pregnant door lady with a buggy.

At lunch today 2 suited guys asked to move table because they didn't know they were in the children's section. It was Pizza Express and my dd was asleep.

I see young guys park in P&T. I see people in sports cars clearly able bodied park in disabled spots. People tut at you when you walk too slow on the pavement (2yo don't walk fast).

I always offer my seat to pregnant or elderly people, there's even a sign saying you should do so. I never park in disabled and only park in P&T if I don't have my buggy. I am patient with other peoples kids and I'm a polite person who considers other people.

Am I a fucking doormat?

OP posts:
smallorange · 01/04/2009 19:57

Would like a badge which tells fellow passengers on said VIRGIN cross country train that, yes, I HAVE PAID FOR BOTH MY DAUGHTER'S SEATS EVEN THOUGH ONE IS ONLY TWO YEARS OLD SO YOU CAN STOP WITH THE ok?

Wow I need to lie down.

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 19:57

Erm, when someone said that it was harder to look after toddlers than a load of schoolchildren you said they couldn't possibly know as they don't do your job.

And yet you feel that your opinion about something which you have never done should be respected?

Odd.

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 19:58

londonone, apologies, and you don't need to explain your history to me . I was confusing you with someone else then - sorry!

Extra special good luck with ttc then - I have had two m/cs so know where you're coming from sadly .

Lol at 'evil'!

chegirl · 01/04/2009 19:59

Hi screaming how you doin?

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 20:01

I just wish that people would be a little more helpful. It makes me so that so many people revel in the discomfort of others.

I think the tube in rush hour is particularly bad though...

I am working different hours this time to avoid it - I started most days nearly in tears last time round which was no fun at all.

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:05

No shambolic - read the posts from the beginning. I was merely pointing out that having deen accused of lacking empathy myself, others then did exactly the same. It was an illustration of the irony. And I have never said they couldn't possible know as they don't do my job, that's just a fabrication! Try reading the posts.

HappyChildminderBerkshire · 01/04/2009 20:06

There will always be people who aren't nice, but it is our choice in how we respond. Show your DD a good example - don't let people walk all over you and speak up politely but firmly when things like this happen, so she knows that it is NOT OK for people to treat others (esp women) like this. We are raising the next generation and it is up to us to show them how to treat others, and also how to stand up for themselves without being rude or aggressive.

roseability · 01/04/2009 20:07

spongebrainmaternitypants - love the name!LOL! That is me at the moment (30 weeks pregnant)

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:07

No hard feelings sponge!

I am aware that I can be rather argumentative! However I do try generally to keep to the point!

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 20:09

HCB, I agree that there are always people like this, but I think the sheer volume of people who don't help, don't want to get involved, make a fuss about parents travelling with buggies or being entitled to special parking spaces, is just so huge now that it makes this society a fairly unpleasant one to be part of .

I will do what I can to teach my DS manners but I do feel that I'm swimming against a tidal wave of shit coming the other way .

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 20:11

roseability, why thank you! I am only ten weeks but with 2nd DC and already looking rather large!

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:11

Others might argue that society has become increasingly childcentric and there is now a backlash aginst that?

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 20:12

I have never noticed anything childcentric about the English tbh .

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 20:12

The problem with that happychildminder is if you are not the sort of person who feels comfortable speaking up. The meek shall inherit the earth seems to have been replaced with if you don't ask you don't get.

From personal experience when I'm pg I go very much into myself and really am not able to ask people to stand for me. Hence I end up on the floor. Is that my fault? i would have thought and hoped that people would rather stand up, especially if in a seat instructing them to do so, but they don't, and so that's that.

Londonone I have read the entire thread and all your posts.

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:15

Well then shambolic you should understand.

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 20:15

shambolic, I do agree - and I am also so wary nowadays of getting a mouth full of abuse from someone if I ask for a seat. Or worse, a violent response . I know this is extremely unlikely but then that poor sod in the supermarket didn't think he'd get punched for queue jumping (and actually he wasn't even the one who jumped the queue ).

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:17

Sponge - There is a very strong movement especially amongst the childfree that believe that parents and children get all the perks and that single people or childfree peole pay the price.

THAT IS A SCHOOL OF THOUGHT NOT NECESSARILY MINE!!!!!!!!!!!

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:18

sponge - The reason I like the badges on LU is because there is no danger of just offering your seat to a plump lady! Or offering your seat, having the PG person refuse it only for you to turn around and see some other swine has slipped into it (happened to me on Jubilee line!)

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 20:21

I know, and it used to be drive me insane when I was childless that people could be so shortsighted about those with children (and I was childless involuntarily).

My sister used to be like this, constantly banging on about how unfair it was that parents got priority over non-parents for Christmas leave. Then she acquired a step-daughter and lo and behold she should now get priority for Christmas leave !

Being a parent is bloody hard work and there are loads of perks to not having children - if the only perk I get is a wider space in the supermarket car park then shoot me!

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 20:24

Londonone as I mentioned earlier people don't usually give up their seats for the badges IME. There was a whole load of stuff in the metro about people thinking that lazy women got hold of them so they could sit. Plus the women wearing them don't usually look pg so people still don't offer.

I mean if they're not going to offer someone visibly and heavily pg they're not going to stand up for a badge now are they.

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:25

Well I do Shambolic!

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 20:28

che I am well. Hope your job's working out.

spongebrain its horrible when you get abuse, I agree, but if you take an extremely polite, smiley approach, most of the time it works

londonone stop it! you are arguing again! No-one gets all the perks! can't we just all get on and love each other!

I am going to stop coming on AIBU because it's corrosive to all the love in the world

(Where's LucyEllensMum gone?)

londonone · 01/04/2009 20:31

Screaming I even put in capitals that I wasn't arguing! FGS how clear do you people need it!

Longtalljosie · 01/04/2009 20:32

I wear a baby on board badge. Now I'm showing it does a good job of encouraging the kind of people to give up seats who might previously have been wondering if I'm really up the duff or might just have eaten too many pies .

But in the first trimester (when tbh I needed it more) I was often incensed by people whom I could see actually reading my badge, and then burying their heads into their Metro and refusing to look up. In the end I just starting turfing the people in the priority seat out, and ignoring their dirty looks.

smee · 01/04/2009 20:32

I have a friend lives v.near me. She sees where we live as unclean and full of scum and seems to have lots of rotten experiences. Whereas I love it and very rarely see any. She'd agree she's a glass half empty sort of soul, whereas I'm most definitely glass half full. So what does that mean then? Do some people look for bad things? Do optimists wear blinkers..? I'm honestly not saying all the things listed on here haven't happened, but I've honestly very rarely had a bad experience and since having a child have been bolded over by how kind and helpful people are. And no, am not on prozac..