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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that many people in society have lost compassion and become selfish.

203 replies

Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:15

MN seems quite harsh today so maybe posting this ain't such a good idea, but hey-ho, I want honest opinions.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have 2yo dd, I look more pregnant that I am, I think I'm having a toddler rather than a baby. My car is in the garage, not that that makes a huge amount of difference as I use the bus allot anyway.

I was on the train on Sunday, I had a booked seat but there was some problem with bookings and no seats were showing as booked. The train was busy, I couldn't find a seat in either section near the door where my buggy was parked. I asked the conductor and he grumbled something about using my eyes to look. I didn't want to go too far from my buggy and there was no room to fold it in the luggage. A whole train load of people saw me stand there for 90 mins and nobody offered me a seat.

Today I got the bus home from town and while I was trying to hold onto my dd and get the buggy out the luggage rack, people were pushing past me to get off the bus. It was clear I was trying to get off and even people with kids pushed me out the way. My buggy wheel was stuck and in the end the driver got out his seat and helped me while all the people on the bus looked at me like I was holding up the bus on purpose.

Yesterday I saw a young couple ram their buggy into an old man on the bus because he didn't move when they wanted to put their buggy in the disabled section. He obviously didn't know they wanted to put their buggy there.

Last week I held the door open in Pret for a woman coming in behind me, a stream of people came through the door and I looked like a pregnant door lady with a buggy.

At lunch today 2 suited guys asked to move table because they didn't know they were in the children's section. It was Pizza Express and my dd was asleep.

I see young guys park in P&T. I see people in sports cars clearly able bodied park in disabled spots. People tut at you when you walk too slow on the pavement (2yo don't walk fast).

I always offer my seat to pregnant or elderly people, there's even a sign saying you should do so. I never park in disabled and only park in P&T if I don't have my buggy. I am patient with other peoples kids and I'm a polite person who considers other people.

Am I a fucking doormat?

OP posts:
ABetaDad · 01/04/2009 18:56

Confuzzeled - I have had the same experience as you (although not pregnant). We have no car and use bus/train a lot. YANBU.

I found old people are the worst. Their sense of entitelement to public services and resentment of children often knows no bounds.

Your bus story brought back a memory of a time that I completely 'lost it' when I had a child and a buggy and a party of 4 old people had completely blocked the buggy space with their suitcases. They just sat there and looked at me so I just picked up the suitcases and literally chucked them in the corridor. One of the old blokes in the party started having a go so I just laid into him about his selfish attitude. Never done that before or since to an old person but when he started the 'I fought in the war speech' I asked him if he thought the utterly self centred world his generation had built since 1945 had been worth it. I then invited the whole bus to join in the debate in a very loud voice. No one did.

I admit it was not my finest hour. My wife hid at the back of the bus with our other child. It made me feel better though. Got my buggy space too.

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 18:57

But you are welcome here, lo, if only to perfectly illustrate the Op's thesis for those who were wavering..

Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 18:58

ABetaDad

Maggie is always to blame, farking 80's.

OP posts:
londonone · 01/04/2009 19:01

Oh I can empathise alright, I can see that P&C spaces would be more convenient, I just don't think they are a necessity.
I can empathise that the OP was in a bloody awful situation, I would have been hopping mad about the seats thing I was just pointing out that there are different perspectives on some situations and maybe people aren't being rude intentionally or maybe see things from a different viewpoint.

FWIW I am a big fan of the "Baby on Board" badges that LU issue to pregnant women. Makes it clear that people are pregnant and easy to spot! I always give up my seat on the tube for pregnant or elderly people except when my back condition makes it almost impossible to stand, of course you can't tell that by looking at me so I am sure some peole would just view it as rudeness.

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:03

Just for those who think I have no empathy you think getting on a bus is bad with a couple of kids, try taking 60 Y1 children across london by bus and tube (half the buses won't even stop) Imagine the tuts then!

psychomum5 · 01/04/2009 19:04

but you are not taking 60+ on your own are you, nor pregnant while doing it, and with buggies......

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave · 01/04/2009 19:05

Well, it is a good job Y1 children can walk confidently on their own two feet, do as they are told, and you dont have to carry them all.

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:07

Right, I think onebatmother has settled it.

Any more good news stories?

Anyone?

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:10

londonone Go on, admit it. You were just being a little bit argumentative for the sake of it weren't you?

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:11

Well psycho and quint you have just shown that you are totally unable to empathise with someone else in a tricky situation. Obviously supervising and being responsible for 60 children whilst crossing london is a piece of piss compared with a buggy. Silly me. Where's the much vaunted empathy now?

psychomum5 · 01/04/2009 19:13

my evening is complete.

I am now totally lacking in empathy.....

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:15

screaming - I thought that was kind of the point of AIBU!

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 19:15

Well, I empathize, genuinely. It's a nightmare task.

I've done both though, and I have to tell you that the bone-aching tiredness that is the pregnant/toddler combination, and the endlessness of it all, is a different thing to the stress/exhaustion of a school trip. Unless you do it every day? In which case, you're a nutter!

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 19:18

Are you all being sarky when you're blaming Thatcher? Because I do quite genuinely think she is culpable in almost every dystopian aspect of modern life..

From a sociological perspective, rather than a particularly political one..

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:18

True, but we weren't talking about the endlessness of it, we were talking about a particular incident!

onebatmother · 01/04/2009 19:18

dystopic

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 19:22

onebat, no, no sarcasm at all - I genuinely do hold MT responsible for creating the "I'm alright, f*ck you" culture that we 'enjoy' today.

And, yes, I too have done school trips and would say travelling on your own with baby/babies is far harder on every level.

allthetwinklystars · 01/04/2009 19:23

I've taken 60 Y1 children across London and I've done toddler and baby/pregnancy combinations. Being a parent is definitely harder, and what you don't appreciate before you have your own is the difference between a 2 year old and a 5 year old. 5 year olds don't run off screaming/sit down and refuse to move / get really tired and just cry / need a wee or they will wet themselves etc etc. Then factor in the fact that you haven't slept a whole night through in a year, or that you a physically done in with pregnancy. And after a school trip, you can go home and put your feet up. After a day's travelling with your own kids you then have over-tired children to deal with.

allthetwinklystars · 01/04/2009 19:26

A feel-good story: every time I go to my local park cafe, if it's full and there are no free tables free, the one table full of teenagers will always get up to give us (mums and babies and our buggies) their table.

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:28

Lol - I never said it was the same, I simply gave an example of another tricky situation. So you are all KS1 teachers in London are you? Cool, whereabouts do you work?

Allthetwinklystars - You must have super kids in your class if none of them ever "run off screaming/sit down and refuse to move / get really tired and just cry / need a wee or they will wet themselves etc etc" Not like my schools!

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:29

londonone I am trying to help dig you out of the hole of wankyness that you have dug yourself by suggesting that perhaps you don't really mean it

onebatmother I am absolutely not being sarky about Thatcher. I do really believe that her era was the start of the individualistic me me me culture.

ABetaDad Much as it pains me to say it to you, I don't agree with your view of older people. IME, most older people struggle on uncomplainingly. Services for older people with physical or mental health problems are often inadequate.
I speak as someone who has worked in the NHS and in an older people's charity

I think it is a sad indictment of our society that the most disadvantaged, marginalised and moaned-about are pitted against each other

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:30

allthetwinklystars Thankyou

chegirl · 01/04/2009 19:30

YANBU.

You are a nice person. Dont lower yourself to the level of scum.

I havent read the other posts because I am in a bad mood grrr.

I know that is not very relavant but I thought I would share.

allthetwinklystars · 01/04/2009 19:31

Many moons ago I taught, now I am just permanantly knackered looking after my own LOs. There really is a difference between a toddler and an older child, why else would we refer to the 'terrible twos'? I haven't seen many 5 year olds roll round the pavement in dog shit or sit down in the middle of a busy road...

KimiWantsAnEasterEgg · 01/04/2009 19:32

YANBU and you are not a doormat, sadly nasty rude people seem to be on the increase,