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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that many people in society have lost compassion and become selfish.

203 replies

Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 17:15

MN seems quite harsh today so maybe posting this ain't such a good idea, but hey-ho, I want honest opinions.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have 2yo dd, I look more pregnant that I am, I think I'm having a toddler rather than a baby. My car is in the garage, not that that makes a huge amount of difference as I use the bus allot anyway.

I was on the train on Sunday, I had a booked seat but there was some problem with bookings and no seats were showing as booked. The train was busy, I couldn't find a seat in either section near the door where my buggy was parked. I asked the conductor and he grumbled something about using my eyes to look. I didn't want to go too far from my buggy and there was no room to fold it in the luggage. A whole train load of people saw me stand there for 90 mins and nobody offered me a seat.

Today I got the bus home from town and while I was trying to hold onto my dd and get the buggy out the luggage rack, people were pushing past me to get off the bus. It was clear I was trying to get off and even people with kids pushed me out the way. My buggy wheel was stuck and in the end the driver got out his seat and helped me while all the people on the bus looked at me like I was holding up the bus on purpose.

Yesterday I saw a young couple ram their buggy into an old man on the bus because he didn't move when they wanted to put their buggy in the disabled section. He obviously didn't know they wanted to put their buggy there.

Last week I held the door open in Pret for a woman coming in behind me, a stream of people came through the door and I looked like a pregnant door lady with a buggy.

At lunch today 2 suited guys asked to move table because they didn't know they were in the children's section. It was Pizza Express and my dd was asleep.

I see young guys park in P&T. I see people in sports cars clearly able bodied park in disabled spots. People tut at you when you walk too slow on the pavement (2yo don't walk fast).

I always offer my seat to pregnant or elderly people, there's even a sign saying you should do so. I never park in disabled and only park in P&T if I don't have my buggy. I am patient with other peoples kids and I'm a polite person who considers other people.

Am I a fucking doormat?

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:33

Hi che

allthetwinklystars · 01/04/2009 19:33

OP: YANBU

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:33

allthetwinklystars - may I respectfully suggest then that you clearly didn't work in the sort of school where I did/do. There is also a huge difference between one or two children and 60!

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:34

Also OP I think generally YANBU as there are loads of really rude people around!

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:35

Nice stories ?

ABetaDad · 01/04/2009 19:36

screamingabdab - fair does and I agree about old people struggling to get basic care.

Some old people are like those I describe. The four on the bus were a classic of the genre.

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 19:39

Am a bit at the "LU" pg badges.

I have never seen anyone give up a seat for a woman wearing one. Except for me. And I am pg

Last pg I always had to sit on the floor on the tube as no-one ever stood up.

People just stare at you as if waiting for something awful to happen to you (fainting etc).

OP you have my sympathy. Bunch of tossers. The conductor person should have understood that you had a reservation, that your need was greater than other passengers, and asked someone to stand for you...

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:39

That is true but some young people are not nice too, as I think we have seen today

Nice speech

allthetwinklystars · 01/04/2009 19:40

londonone - I worked in a challenging enough school with challenging enough kids. Good luck ttc - it is great having kids, and one day you might remember this and understand. That sounds patronising, but it's true. I could never understand why the parents of the kids would say they couldn't understand how I did my job. I know see it's because theirs was so bloody hard. I don't really want to get into some weird competetive thing about kids behaviour, whatever they were like I feel huge affection for them all. I hope that's how my own children's teachers will see them. I don't want to hijack, so going off to get the kids settled in bed now (grrr at the clocks going forward - we're running an hour late everyday now).

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:40

x post. that last one was for Beta

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:40

Despite the fact that I am clearly evil in some of your eyes! I was on the bus the other day and a young child was really coughing and choking so I gave her Mum my water bottle so she could have a drink, Mum was v pleased See I am not all bad. Was also on same bus to hear mother instructing child about YR age that if some one was horrible to her she should hit them and if the said person was bigger than her she should hit them with an object!

allthetwinklystars · 01/04/2009 19:41

now see not know see.

ahfeckit · 01/04/2009 19:41

you are pregnant and hormonal (i've been there too, and all problems are multiplied and exxagerated when you are pg - it's just how it is). this has a lot to do with how you are viewing the world right now. i was like that, couldn't believe how rude people are in general when out and about, esp when it comes to being courteous towards others. you can sometimes really get your eyes opened!
YABU though, because this has always happened and always will. it just seems much worse because you are pregnant.

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave · 01/04/2009 19:41

See, Londonone, it is pretty irritating isnt it? You know you do a hard job, handling a gang of school children is pretty tough, and suddenly there is me, insinuating it is a breeze, just because I have no experience in it. And you are pretty quick to dismiss me as lacking in empathy. It works both ways.

You have just proven my point about your own ignorance and lacking empathy.

screamingabdab · 01/04/2009 19:44

londonone No one thinks you are "evil" .

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:44

Whatever you say twinkly, if you had worked in a genuinely challenging school you certainly wouldn't have posted what you did IMO. But then again I currently work in EBD so perhaps my parameters have changed!

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:47

I was kidding abdad!

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 19:47

And londonone if you were pregnant on a train where you had booked a seat and had a toddler and a buggy to contend with and a train person being deeply unhelpful and everyone just looked at you owlishly as you struggled and no-one offered to help, then you wouldn't have posted what you did IMO.

smallorange · 01/04/2009 19:48

Travelling on a crowded train with two children under 5 is a nerve-jangling, sanity-sapping SIEGE.

Especially when they decide to lock all the toilets except one AT THE OTHER END OF THE TRAIN.

I HATE VIRGIN.

BTW the buggy thing is infuriating as luggage racks never seem big enough to take even a Maclaren.
Nevertheless I was told to collapse mine and heave it into the luggage rack (at 6 months pregnant) by spotty officious bastard on Scotrail train. And he stood and watched because he 'wasn't allowed to help.'

God my hormones are playing up..

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:48

Oh dear Quint - I wasn't the one banging on about empathy! I just pointed it out to illustrate the irony.

Original poster
Confuzzeled · 01/04/2009 19:49

Okay, feel good story in my own thread of saying many people are selfish.

There is a really rough family that live round the corner from me. 2 older teenagers always being taken home in police cars, and one young girl maybe 8,9 or 10 it's hard to tell. The parents are the most awful people, I see the Dad at the local shop buying cans of Super in his PJ's. The mother is the size of a bear and I can hear her screaming at the kids from my house.

One day at my local shop the young girl was there with a group of kids her own age. I leant her 40p to buy a bottle of fruit juice because she didn't have enough. I didn't expect to see it again.

The next day she came to my door and gave me the 40p and said thank you for lending it to her. I was truely shocked, there is hope for a poor kid who is growing up in a hell hole of a family.

My dh thinks she probably stole it from another kid at school but it's the thought that counts right?

OP posts:
londonone · 01/04/2009 19:50

No shit shambolic! - But I am not that person so strangely enough I have a different view, is that really so hard to comprehend?

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/04/2009 19:51

londonone, the use of the word 'evil' was a bit hysterical!

Lacking in understanding would be a better phrase.

Am I right in thinking (and huge apologies if I'm wrong) that you're a male poster on MN? I seem to remember this being the case from a previous thread? Absolutely no problem with men posting on MN obviously, but, if so, you will actually never know what it's like to manage with a baby/toddler and the sheer gut wrenching/soul destroying exhaustion of pg.

Again, forgive me if I've mixed you up with another poster!

ahfeckit · 01/04/2009 19:52

there are always going to be cruel gits in the world, and people lacking in compassion. that's just how it is. there's nothing we can do about it.

londonone · 01/04/2009 19:55

No definitely female! Think I have quite a male posting style though as have been mistaken for a man on other forums (not in RL though) Also don't really want to go into it but have been PG but had a miscarriage so am not completely green

When I said evil I was kidding!