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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i cannot fucking cope

211 replies

justcannotcope · 28/01/2009 10:29

my toddler ds is constantly whining, not crying, kind of 'het het het' noise. It is driving me mad. I just cannot cope with him today. I am ashamed to say I scream at him to shut up sometimes.
I hate my life, sometimes I hate him, but I know I really love him if that makes sense. In my more rational moments I worry about how the shouting is affecting him.

I feel so fed up, all I seem do is stay at home in my tatty dressing gown and try to block out the noise. I cry, I shout, I eat too much.

I can't face toddler group, have not been this year. I have no decent clothes and I feel fat and totally gross. I have suffered from depression but thought I was better. Some days I feel ok but today is shit.

This is not a troll. I am just ashamed and need to let it all out. I don't know what to do to pick myself up.

OP posts:
Tortington · 28/01/2009 10:32

you have to see wht courses are available at college with childcare.

you have to get dressed every day even if you aren't going anywhere

you need to go out for a walk.
do it now

Almeida · 28/01/2009 10:32

Things to do -

  • Get dressed & go out for a walk with your little one.
  • Phone a mum from the group and go to the next meeting
AllGood · 28/01/2009 10:32

Message deleted

Bella73 · 28/01/2009 10:34

I don't have time to reply properly but didn't want to just read and run...

Have you spoken to anyone about your depression? You mention that you have suffered from it before and it does sound to me that you are depressed right now. Were you on medication for it before? If so, you need to go back to your gp and speak to them about getting medication/counselling for right now, (just my non-expert opinion).

I am also a mother of a whiny toddler and it IS infuriating I agree. It's hard to cope at the best of time. I am also still wearing maternity clothes though my youngest is 9 months old. I know how rubbish some days can be but it does sound ot me like you are right about still being depressed and that would be a huge positive step to take, to speak to someone about that. Even making the call to make an appointment might help.

Good luck.

Original poster
justcannotcope · 28/01/2009 10:34

I cannot go outside the house, I am a fat totally gross lump of shite. I am covered in spots, All my clothes are dirty, I haven't gone any washing for ages. I feel like I am totally losing it.

OP posts:
Jas · 28/01/2009 10:34

It sounds like you may still be depressed.

If you can't face toddler group, get dressed and take him out for a walk, let him jump in puddles and burn off some energy.

Do you have friends or family close by who you could visit?

Bella73 · 28/01/2009 10:35

And yes, getting dressed (no matter what) and getting out are good. At least with a walk you won't have to talk to your ds at all, just let him watch the world go by while you clear your head a bit??

TotalChaos · 28/01/2009 10:35

completely agree with Custardo. If you are near a surestart centre they often do courses with creches. And you really do need to make it out of the house for many reasons - change of scenery breaks up the day and makes the drudgery more bearable. Also screaming kids are a bit more tolerable in the open air - and you are less likely to shout.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 28/01/2009 10:35

Sorry you're feeling so down. It does sound like you're still suffering from depression. I've been where you are now. Please don't despair it will get better. Have you a husband/partner you can talk to? Try and get some support from family and friends. Is there anyone who could come and look after your toddler for a while you have a bath, sleep etc.
I would also urge you to go and see your GP.

GivePeasAChance · 28/01/2009 10:35

Agree. Get dressed now. Get pushchair and go to the nearest park/place to walk/feed the duck.

No-one cares about your clothes/fat arse (we've all got one)

New motto : "If in doubt, get out!"

Bella73 · 28/01/2009 10:36

YES, you can go out of the house. Nobody will even notice you if you are walking your child (nothing is as invisible as a woman with a pushchair ime). Just do it now, in dirty clothes, it doesn't matter.

TotalChaos · 28/01/2009 10:36

agree with Bella. Sounds like you need to speak to GP or HV about how you are feeling. Can you stick some washing in right now (assuming you have a washing machine).

Jas · 28/01/2009 10:37

Sorry. very slow in posting, and lots of others said it first.

It is wet outside. No one will notice you or your clothes. Put something on, put everything else in the w/m and get out of the house for a while.

Call your gp and make an appointment

Watusi · 28/01/2009 10:37

I bet he is either really tired, in which case a short walk with him in buggy would get him to sleep, or else maybe is teething in which case go out for some nurofen - syringe comes with it, it's brilliant - works really quick and you have your cheerful toddler back.

Original poster
justcannotcope · 28/01/2009 10:37

I cannot visit my mum, she makes me feel worse. She is depressed and I hate her too. I saw her yesterday and that is why I am feeling so bad today I think. I used to be able to lesve DS there for a break but her house is getting worse (kim and aggie style). Yesterday there were grotty used tissues over the floor and empty packaging. Why can't she throw her trash in the bin ffs?

OP posts:
Almeida · 28/01/2009 10:37

justcannotcope - you need someone to help you.

You are your little ones mum & to him you are the best most wonderful person in the world.

Lizzylou · 28/01/2009 10:38

Put anything on and go outside, you and your toddler need fresh air.
Have you seen your GP?
Do you have any friends/family nearby to help out?
You need to get out of this cycle, for both of you.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 28/01/2009 10:39

My 18 month old does huh huh huh noises too. And I can never figure out what it is she wants.

Get some headphones to listen to music to block out the noises. If he is old enough don't be ashamed to give hima choccy biccie to shut him up for a while.

Try and make an effort to get dressed and go for a walk each day. It will make you feel better honestly. And it will help you lose weight. Though it's your confidence you need to work on not your weight.

Eat plenty of fruit and veg and try and make your snacks healthy i.e. apple slices dipped in yoghurt, carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, oranges.

As for clothes try and put a little money aside each week and treat yourself to a new outfit. Doesn't have to be anything expensive, Peacocks, Primark, Newlook etc all get some half decent stuff in that could look great with a few accessories.

And if you are really feeling that low you need to go and see your doctor.

CountessDracula · 28/01/2009 10:40

You do sound depressed
Can you go and see your Doctor?

Can you set yourself some little tasks eg go and put a wash on now, then later you will have some clean clothes and can go out for a walk?
Do you have a partner?

GivePeasAChance · 28/01/2009 10:40

Are you dressed yet?

CountessDracula · 28/01/2009 10:41

where do you live? (roughly)

Original poster
justcannotcope · 28/01/2009 10:41

Thank you for suggestions, but I really don't want to go to the GP again, last time I was on anti depressants I gained so much weight and I am fat enough already. Sorry if that is shallow but if I got any fatter I would shoot myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
justcannotcope · 28/01/2009 10:42

I have a partner but he works long hours (leave the house at 7am and back at 7pm). I am not dressed yet as I am on the compuyter , it is helping to hear what you say, so thank you for taking the trouble to care.

OP posts:
izyboy · 28/01/2009 10:42

Agree with all the above. Dont worry about dirty clothes/spots. Just get out for some air/pick up paper. I certainly dont wear clean clothes everyday - as long as I dont smell who cares. Get dressed and go out everyday even just for a paper. Both of you will survive this.

mankymummy · 28/01/2009 10:43

Ok if you feel you cant go out at the moment or see anyone how about this?

Make a list of 5 things to do that will make things better for you and do one each day for the next five days.

Like...

Get clothes washed
Tidy up a room
Get dressed
Eat something healthy when you would have eaten something crap

Also... whenever you feel like shouting, open the window, close your eyes and breathe.

Let yourself have two hours a day when you are allowed to just slob around and not feel guilty about it.

Will you try it? Doing this stuff got me out of a rut and gave me enough confidence to feel i could then go on and actually go out for a quick walk around the block on the sixth day. Then I tried doing it every day. It really worked.