i cannot fucking cope

[justcannotcope]

my toddler ds is constantly whining, not crying, kind of 'het het het' noise. It is driving me mad. I just cannot cope with him today. I am ashamed to say I scream at him to shut up sometimes.
I hate my life, sometimes I hate him, but I know I really love him if that makes sense. In my more rational moments I worry about how the shouting is affecting him.

I feel so fed up, all I seem do is stay at home in my tatty dressing gown and try to block out the noise. I cry, I shout, I eat too much.

I can't face toddler group, have not been this year. I have no decent clothes and I feel fat and totally gross. I have suffered from depression but thought I was better. Some days I feel ok but today is shit.

This is not a troll. I am just ashamed and need to let it all out. I don't know what to do to pick myself up.

I think a lot of us have been where you are now.I know it's been said but i really do think you need to have a chat with your G.P(They are there to help)I had post natal depression after my 2nd son,i too felt exactly the way you feel,you need a little helping hand,there is NO shame in asking for it.Please do this for yourself.

Right put some washing on and have a show/bath, then get dressed. Even if you cant face going out today you will instantly feel better for feeling clean.

Spend today planning, make a list of what needs to be done, they dont all have to be done today, even if you only tick 2 things off that list it is a start

Think a head in hour time slots, aim to get one thing done in the next hour, even if it is just getting washed and dressed.

You need also need fresh air, so go and pop you head out of the door/window and take a big deep breath

Then come back and tell us what needs to be done today and we will help you make a list

Go, do it now, take a deep breath of fresh air

You sound like you need a bit of time to yourself. Do you have anyone who could take ds for a few hours while you have a bath/wash your hair/have a nap etc
(hence asking where you are - I could do it if you were near me!)

poor you. I agree you do sound depressed, and more than mildly so.

Please make a dr's appointment today.

mankymum - this is a great idea to do.

Try a different antidepressant, they dont all suit everyone! They made such a difference to my life....I was on the verge of leaving my children because I felt I couldnt cope. Have you a friend who you could talk to?

Get yourself dressed and get out of the house, it will make you both feel better.

Talk to your GP/HV about how you feel.

Do try and remember that shouting will only make it worse, and you LO is probably feeding off your negative energy.

I know how you feel, and I think nearly everyone has been there at some point.

I would love to help you out looking after your toddler for a bit, I'm in Manchester if there is any slim chance you are too??

Well done for posting.
You sound like you are depressed. Not to worry, wouldn't be the first time this has happened in the history of the universe - think of it as having a broken leg or something.
It's easily mended. Don't think about your life too much, just go for a walk - MAKE yourself go.
Put on some clothes and go. You're not alone. Go to the toddler group - let your toddler meet others his own age. You don't have to chat, it's no big deal, just let him socialize.

And go to your GP on your way back from your walk, tell him / her about your life and your little boy.

Please see your GP they will help you be the fabulous mum you can be.
Keep us posted on how you are feeling, and how your little boy is OK?

Vinegar tits, thank you for saying you will help. I can't think what needs doing at the moment, I can't concentrate with this fucking het het het -ing. I will shut im in his cot (he will scream the place down) and try to ignore and have a shower.

Play with him. Stop the internet for 20mins & get down on the floor & play cars. Give him his lunch & then see if he'll have a nap. You could cuddle him whilst both watching tv if he wont sleep.

i used to put dd1 in her cot all the time and leave her to cry. I would leave the room/go and stand on the front step for air and a break from her.

It's nothing to be ashamed about. He won't hurt himself. Go and get a nice hot shower and put some music on in the bathroom if the crying will bother you, so that you have something else to listen to.

Put some toys in his cot whilst you shower.

Kiss and cuddle your little boy, tickle his tummy, remind yourself why you love him (as irritating as they can all be at times!).

Feeling clean makes you feel better.

Get some washing on

Go for a walk

PLEASE see your GP, tell him/her about your worry about weight with AD's too.

I am in East Lancs, if that is anywhere near you?

Well you need to do some washing so i will put that on the list first

• Load Washing machine

Give your ds some grapes or something he can eat while you have a shower

The noise is obviously really worrying you - can you work out what it is?

i think the list making thing is a good one. but write it down otherwise it will swim round your head. it might say put washing on, shower, chemist for face scrub and nurofen, shop for fresh veg, eat celery, do jigsaw/colouring whatever. library? if you can tick one of these things off you'll feel good, and you can do another one tomorrow. and eventually, go back to your gp. but it's impossible to do that when you are in the depths, i know only too well. prozac doesn't make you put on weight... and it's magical.

Why don't you take a bath together??I love taking a bath with my little one,who cares if you make a splash in the bathroom?Get some empty plastic bottles and play 'squirties'.The act of laughing will lift you a bit then wrap up warm go for a short walk to somewhere your little one can run around a bit.Somewhere different to your four walls and all of the negativity that's bouncing off them will instantly work,i promise you/we all need a change of scenery now and again.Is there a friend or some family you could go and visit and have a cuppa with?

Please don't leave toddler to eat grapes whilst you go and have a shower - I will be worried!!!!!

agree with other posts

put a wash on
go out for the walk
when you come back organise the washing and pick some clothes out for tomorrow and get yourself out to baby group

Satying in makes it worse and then you can't be bothered with anything

Oh god i have been where you are soooooo many times.

You are in a hole and you need to climb out. Trying to leap right out will not work, you have to climb slowley, start by having a shower or wash and getting dressed.

Maybe put some loud music on and have a tidy up something similar.

There are loads of different anti deppressents that could help you but that don't make you fat when you feel stronger talk to your g.p.

Where abouts are you, could a mner come and help out or watch LO or ever have a coffee and a chat?

I don't have any grapes, don't worry.

As regards family, see my earlier post about my mother. She is a nutcase who needs to be sorted out by Kim and Aggie.

Look just do one thing at a time or your head is gonna explode

Here is your list:

• Take shower/get dressed
• load washing machine
• make some lunch

Anything else can wait for now

Have you stuck your head out the wondow/door yet?

Message deleted

I don't want to meet anyone, but thanks for offering. I feel so ugly and useless. I am going to go and get some washing on and I do need a shower, I couldn't have one yesterday because ds was whining sll the time, I just cannot relax enough and I get all tense and scream, I frighten myself let alone him .

The shouyting is very bad, I am totally losing my rag, I would never hit him but have to let it out somehow so I scream 'shut up, shut up' (very loudly) ...