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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS2 clean the entire house?

233 replies

MrsSnape · 19/12/2008 17:50

In the past few months DS2 (7) has:

Kicked a hole in his bedroom door
drawn all over his bedroom door in felt tip/biro
wiped poo on the bathroom wall because he couldn't be bothered to change the bog roll
Dropped endless food on the living room floor.
Spilt drinks all over the sofa
Wiped red paint all over the hallway wall
Riped my leather computer chair because he was 'bored'
Got red 'fake blood' all over DS1's carpet which will not come out
Wiped grubby hands on the sofa instead on going to wash them properly

And just now he had bolognese on his hands and I caught him casually wiping it on living room radiator.

Sick to death of it, he has no respect for anything.

I'm thinking tomorow I will give him so anti-bacterial wipes and send him around the house cleaning from top to bottom. Just like I have to every day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Gorionine · 19/12/2008 18:03

And I thought I had it hard, I sympathise MrsSnape. I am not sure it would work, but maybe getting him to clean/mend just after he "commited" the mess? I think if whenever he does something like that he is asked to stop what is doing (game or whatever) and go and clean instead it will put him off? especially if he has to clean his poo off the walls!

I do have messy children, they do not really break things, but the 4 of them can create quite a bit ohf havoc. I am trialing something new at the moment, I did not ask them to tidy their room this week more than 100x so it is a mess. Tomorrow, we will make it a "child's heaven"together, just to see if leading by example does work i have my doubts but...)

He won't change overnight but if he sees he has to deal with the consequences he might gradually get tired of messing. I hope so for your sake!

loobeylou · 19/12/2008 18:12

Does this child have any SN? I can't believe he has done so much bad stuff! What sanctions/punishments have you tried?

ThePregnantMerryYuleWitch · 19/12/2008 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

muggglewump · 19/12/2008 18:20

YABU, too harsh a punishment but there's obviously more to it than that.
How have you dealt with each incident as it has happenned?

loobeylou · 19/12/2008 18:23

blimey, you must have a good memory pregnantmerryyulewitch !

muggglewump · 19/12/2008 18:25

I remember too Loobeylou, there's been more than one thread on it.

prettybutterfly · 19/12/2008 18:25

loobey, I wondered the same.

OP, dealing with things as the come up is the best. Your boy's theoretically of an age to understand punishments a while after the 'crime' as it were, but in fact he sounds very immature, so don't waste your time. Stick to consequences as he does stuff.

Lulumama · 19/12/2008 18:26

the thinks he has done are not ,IMO, normal young boy naughtiness. you can;t punish him tomorrow for things he did weeks ago

wiping poo on the wall, kicking holes , ripping stuff.. it is beyond what is naughty

you need to get to the root of his problems and why he is so angry and destructive

juuule · 19/12/2008 18:26

Why not clean everything together? Let him come round with you and help.

Like Muggle, I'd be interested to know how each incident was handled at the time.

techpep · 19/12/2008 18:26

I would probably help him tidy up and mend all the things he has messed up and broken. Then explain to him that all these things cost alot of money and cannt just be replaced. Maybe a confiscation box would be a worth a try. If he wrecks something take one of his toys and put it in the box, he can earn the toys back by fixing/cleaning.

Pimmpom · 19/12/2008 18:27

TBH wouldn't trust him to clean the house, will probably do more harm than good.

Something obviously needs to be done though as this is unacceptable behavious is it not?

oldraver · 19/12/2008 18:29

Only allowing him to drink/eat at the dining table would cu tout half the mess

thebrain · 19/12/2008 18:30

I would make him clean up each mess as he makes it. The natural consequence of the crime as it were. I think if you do as you suggest all that'll happen is he'll think you're completely unreasonable and have even less respect for you.

I'd be horrified if my 5yo did any one of those things so I'm inclined to agree with the others there must be more to it. To stop him behaving this way you need to understand why he is. Then you can handle the cause and not just battle the symptom.

luckylady74 · 19/12/2008 18:34

I've seen poo on the walls of preschool and primary school toilets - so it's not usual, but not that unusual iyswim.
I got sick of drink food spills and have dealt at the root - we now only eat at the table and only sippy cups leave the table.
Respect for stuff might take a bit loonger to learn. I would look in to just how bored he is and what his esteem is like as well.

Mine all have to clean up mess they make, but I help too.

loobeylou · 19/12/2008 18:37

I agree these things do not sound like normal naughty behaviour for a 7 yo, i find them shocking and totally unacceptable IMO.
Why would anyone wipe poo on the wall? What did you do/say when that happened?

Does he have emotional/anger issues of some sort? he sounds like he is taking it out on you, IYSWIM. Are there problems at school?

But sounds like a lot of issues to sort out in one go. Rewards? targets to be met to gain a treat? Possessions removed and won back?

Reallytired · 19/12/2008 18:49

Some of this is not normal seven year old behaviour. I think you need help to find the under lying cause as well as help with discipline. Some of the things you describe are normal naughtiness, but other behaviour is very destructive. He must be a very unhappy boy who prehaps cannot verbalise his faults. It is not normal for seven year old boys to kick holes in doors, rip leather furniture or smear poo on a bathroom wall.

Other behaviours like spilling food and drink on the living room floor is only to be expected. The simplest answer is to say he eats and drinks at a table.

It is good for children to help with chores and cleaning, not as a punishment, but as learning a set of life skills.

chloemegjess · 19/12/2008 19:55

Can I ask what he is like at school? Are they doing anything to help? I used to help run a "nurture group" at the school I worked in which is for children with these sorts of problems to help solve them without harsh punishments. This was more for nursery and reception, but there are schools that do it for slightly older children. It was fantastic though and to be honest, I think quite life changing for the children that used it and their parents.

aam · 19/12/2008 21:22

Sorry to be blunt, but how clean are you? If you are very houseproud the way he is could be regarded as v. unusual.

On the other hand he has obviously been allowed to get away with his dirty habits in the past.

tinselwrappedBodyBag · 19/12/2008 21:26

yanbu, make the little beast scrub the place spotless

Original poster
MrsSnape · 19/12/2008 21:26

He does have alot of issues, I just can't get to the bottom of it He told me the other day that he's running away because I love his brother more than him (not true but DS1 is generally 'easier' and so does not get into trouble half as much).

He is naughty at school all the time, gets sent out of the classroom, sent out of assembly. He only brought 3 christmas cards home this year and one was from a teacher

I know he's not bullied, if anything it would be the other way around. I have seen a pysciatrist, they think he has dyspraxia and is on school action plus. I don't think that would explain the bad behaviour though.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSnape · 19/12/2008 21:27

I'm not houseproud which is why some of it has gone unchecked I suppose but we're not a 'dirty' family, just not terribly tidy.

OP posts:
aam · 19/12/2008 22:09

So many people say we're untidy not dirty. Tbh I don't think your son at 7 would be able to tell the difference!

YABU to make him clean.

chloemegjess · 19/12/2008 22:21

So have the school made a plan as to how to deal with his behaviour? If he is having these problems at school then the school needs to work WITH you to try and sort it out.

piscesmoon · 19/12/2008 22:29

The problem is that you have already let him get away with all those things, so presumably he has been as messy as he likes all his life.
My DSs were not allowed to carry drinks around the house-they always get spilt so they had to stay in the kitchen. The same with food-they sit down-they don't trail crumbs everywhere. They would only ever draw on walls once! I could go on.....
I think that you need to do a good clean and then you give him rules and you follow them up every single time. If he does it after the clean he is responsible for cleaning it and you stay with him until he has done it. You have posted before about not respecting toys etc-I think the view was that if he doesn't treat things properly you remove them.

dsrplus8 · 20/12/2008 03:17

adhd? sounds like our ds3 ,whos got a bad dose of adhd, ask school to asess him /or tahe him to docs and see how he does! good luck!