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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS2 clean the entire house?

233 replies

MrsSnape · 19/12/2008 17:50

In the past few months DS2 (7) has:

Kicked a hole in his bedroom door
drawn all over his bedroom door in felt tip/biro
wiped poo on the bathroom wall because he couldn't be bothered to change the bog roll
Dropped endless food on the living room floor.
Spilt drinks all over the sofa
Wiped red paint all over the hallway wall
Riped my leather computer chair because he was 'bored'
Got red 'fake blood' all over DS1's carpet which will not come out
Wiped grubby hands on the sofa instead on going to wash them properly

And just now he had bolognese on his hands and I caught him casually wiping it on living room radiator.

Sick to death of it, he has no respect for anything.

I'm thinking tomorow I will give him so anti-bacterial wipes and send him around the house cleaning from top to bottom. Just like I have to every day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:27

I am riled when someone comes out with ridiculous comments like you have, about something you know absolutely nothing about.

aam · 20/12/2008 19:27

I really don't think I've been offensive.

Sincere apologies to the OP if I have been.

aam · 20/12/2008 19:29

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney I bow down to your superior knowledge.

Actually you know as much as me about this.

TwoCuteFestiveFairys · 20/12/2008 19:29

Read the thread FGS amm

By MrsSnape on Sat 20-Dec-08 12:17:27
I never said he had ADHD! The dyspraxia however has actually being diagnosed, I didn't just make it up to excuse his behaviour. hmm

Is that EVIDENCE enough for you? Jeeezzz

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:30

Read the post again, also read how many people have suggested sn and that its not "normal behaviour".

Oh and once again you are wrong, I will repeat because it obviously slipped your mind again it is not for us to diagnose but her gp

TwoCuteFestiveFairys · 20/12/2008 19:31

You have been very offensive on the thread aam, your posts will have made the OP feel like a shite parent, just not called for IMHO.

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:32

do you know what Dyspraxia is aam?

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:32

google maybe

aam · 20/12/2008 19:35

Seriously, Do you really think Dyspraxia has caused him to smear poo on the wall?

MrsSnape said he is very messy and doesn't clean up after himself.

She also said she has never really pulled him up on it.

We all admit it's not normal or desirable but I think it boils down to changing parenting style rather than pinning it on SN.

BTW he is already under a psychiatrist.

Learn to read.

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:38

So doesnt that tell you anything, that its nothing to do with parenting but perhaps issues that he has, instead you have rattled on and made that op feel terrible. Attractive

aam · 20/12/2008 19:38

I really, truly don't think the OP is a shite parent. I just don't feel the need to be a people pleaser and agree with you.

You are being quite offensive to me.

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:41
Hmm
MadamePlatypus · 20/12/2008 19:42

I'm not sure that all of these things are as bad as they seem:

Kicked a hole in his bedroom door - not unusual for a 7 year old to kick a wall/door in frustration, but presumably it can't have been a very strong door if he managed to make a hole?

drawn all over his bedroom door in felt tip/biro - obviously naughty, but deserved punishment at the time - e.g. cleaning wall. Not beyond the realms of 'normal' naughty behaviour though.

wiped poo on the bathroom wall because he couldn't be bothered to change the bog roll - a bit odd, but presumably you asked him to clean it then and there?

Dropped endless food on the living room floor - not abnormal even for a teenager - don't allow eating in living room

Spilt drinks all over the sofa - see above.

Wiped red paint all over the hallway wall - where did the red paint come from?

Riped my leather computer chair because he was 'bored' - annoying, but presumably it was already ripped if he was able to pull a little more off?

Got red 'fake blood' all over DS1's carpet which will not come out - Annoying, but you can't expect him to be aware of what can and cannot be cleaned.

Wiped grubby hands on the sofa instead on going to wash them properly - again, annoying, but certainly something that has been featured on Tommy Zoom.

I think all this behaviour sounds cross and bored, rather than ADHD (although I am making this comment just based on OP so obviously don't know all factors).

I would remove opportunity to make mess and be very strict about clearing up mess straight after the event. Are there stresses and strains in your own life Mrs Snape that could be making things generally difficult? Could you break the pattern by spending the day playing with him?

aam · 20/12/2008 19:42

How do you know I've made OP feel like a bad parent? She might thank me for pointing out the obvious.

He probably has issues but in this case he just needs guidance and consistency.

It's only a bit of mess.

Do think the OP feels better about you diagnosing her son with allsorts?

jollyoldstnickschick · 20/12/2008 19:43

aam I am typing this slowly so you can understand it - dyspraxia comes under an 'umberella'of conditions that vary from add to autism and beyond it is highly likely that child with symptoms of add will have a blend of other symptoms from the umberella of other conditions,add isnt 'only' a bit of a problem it ISNT it affects childs perception - very cleber children suffer with it as do middle of the road kids -families from messy houses get it families from spotlessly clean houses get it.

It is not parenting style- my 8 yr old ds has not done this and if he did it would only happen once!! mrs snapes child needs support(for which she is seeking) and we as mums on a forum on which she has asked advice need to support her!!.

There but for the grace of god go many of us.

alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 20/12/2008 19:45

Once again I haven't, I have merely suggested the op goes to the gp. For all you (or I) know the op may suffer from depression and going to the gp, may pick this up.

prettybutterfly · 20/12/2008 19:48

She's not going to thank you for anything aam, because you've been profoundly unhelpful.

Any valid points you may have had have been overshadowed by your unfortunate manner.

Did you ever hear the saying "Tell your truth with love"? You don't need to be a 'people pleaser', in your offensive phrase, but I can't see the point in being a 'people punisher' either.

Have an opinion, by all means, but I for one would like to hear it expressed with a bit of sensitivity in future.

prettybutterfly · 20/12/2008 19:49

lol about being diagnosed with allsorts! I like that!

Lotster · 20/12/2008 19:50

Come on aam, you ask "How do you know I've made OP feel like a bad parent?" when you called her "A mother who is incapable of telling her precious child off..." When in fact she is a mother who can clearly see (now) that she's let him get away with certain things and is trying to address them. She also mentioned his SM but said herself that it might not be the reason.
Perhaps this particular subject of discipline or SN gets up your nose but your responses have been OTT.

You have posted nicely and supportively on some other threads I've seen, but sometimes you can be so blunt, it's like the sensitivity switch goes off. Can you not admit to having done this here and then getting defensive?

I'm not trying to muscle in and have a row here, but sometimes it's hard to ask for help and the risk of being insulted can stop people doing this.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 20/12/2008 19:53

Ok, I'm back from my bath and feeling all psyched up and ready to go again

I was feeling slightly offended earlier but I've got over that now, I have thick skin

Yes my parenting needs to change, I admit that. I don't always make the right decisions, who does?

My kids are not perfect, either of them. BUT I never have trouble from DS1. He does as he is told, when he is told (9 times out of 10 anyway), he washes up for me, empties the dryer, makes the odd meal...see, I can raise normal kids Not sure where it has gone wrong with DS2. I think he is generally more 'difficult' and as a result I give in to him more (as it's easier) and this has led to the current situation.

Thanks for the advice and kind comments.

aam - I don't want sympathy and praise, if I did, I would post on the 'feeling depressed' forum because nobody is ever mean on there! I do think you're nasty in your replies. I see the point you are trying to make but you don't have to be so cruel about it. There is 'being blunt' and 'being nasty', you come under the latter.

But nevermind, I get the gist! thanks everyone for the replies x

OP posts:
coppertop · 20/12/2008 19:54

Dyspraxia, for anyone who isn't sure what it means

Spilling things and dropping food is entirely likely to be a result of the dyspraxia. It's often known as "The clumsy child syndrome".

A child with dyspraxia may also have sensory issues, so again the smearing of food or even poo isn't all that uncommon.

I have no idea about any of the OP's other threads so am just going by what has been mentioned on this one.

aam · 20/12/2008 19:55

Have an opinion, by all means, but I for one would like to hear it expressed with a bit of sensitivity in future.

Prettbutterfly - please don't tell me what to do. But I appreciate you allowing me an opinion.

All 4 of my DSs would do what OPs son has done, if allowed.

You lot have serious ishoos if you think it is 'more sensitive' to hint her child needs to see the GP over a bit of mess.

Off now.

OP - sorry if I'm a bit blunt, no offence intended.

MadamePlatypus · 20/12/2008 19:55

Just realised about dyspraxia.

Forgetting all other SN that may be related to dyspraxia, it must be pretty difficult and frustrating to be a 7 year old with dyspraxia. As far as possible is it possible to remove the little problems e.g. by trying to limit food and drink to kitchen and just focus on having a nice time with your son. Does dyspraxia make it more difficult for somebody to tidy up? Does it limit his ability to engage in activities that other children might find interesting (football?). Does he get plenty of opportunities to run off steam? Easier said than done, I know, but could you say that for the next week you are just going to focus on the positive? My thinking is that you reduce the opportunites for him to think of himself as a destructive naughty boy.

prettybutterfly · 20/12/2008 19:58

Hardly telling you what to do aam, just thought you might appreciate 'being told the obvious'. In a much more polite way that I've heard you manage yet

clam · 20/12/2008 19:58

I think most of this behaviour can be put down to a little boy who's chancing his luck - sweet papers on the floor? Pick 'em up NOW, buddy. You live in this house, you play by my rules. That stuff is comparatively easy to rectify, and it sounds like the OP is ready to try.
BUT, I don't like the sound of the poo smearing. In our school, that's the 1st thing that would send us running for the Ed Psych. Watch that one....