To make DS2 clean the entire house?

[MrsSnape]

In the past few months DS2 (7) has:

Kicked a hole in his bedroom door
drawn all over his bedroom door in felt tip/biro
wiped poo on the bathroom wall because he couldn't be bothered to change the bog roll
Dropped endless food on the living room floor.
Spilt drinks all over the sofa
Wiped red paint all over the hallway wall
Riped my leather computer chair because he was 'bored'
Got red 'fake blood' all over DS1's carpet which will not come out
Wiped grubby hands on the sofa instead on going to wash them properly

And just now he had bolognese on his hands and I caught him casually wiping it on living room radiator.

Sick to death of it, he has no respect for anything.

I'm thinking tomorow I will give him so anti-bacterial wipes and send him around the house cleaning from top to bottom. Just like I have to every day.

AIBU?

yep... Lets blame it on ADHD or some other interesting disorder, or, the schools the government , or social services even, just for a change!!! What ever happened to parental responsabilty??? Children exhibit LEARNT behaviour. You cannot suddenly start punishing a child for things that have just been excepted before!!!! Lead by example....
My child as issues, what they are , I don't know. However, he has been tought from a very early age what is acceptable and what is not. Unless this child is truly diagnosed with sn, then YOU need to take responsabilty, and re access your parenting.... Harsh, but True!!

To answer your OP.

I think you need to start small, but consistent. He should be responsible for keeping his room clean and tidy - maybe for pocket money, and have some other small chores to do. So should DS1.

You need to lead by example, and be clear about your epectations in respecting the house - maybe he doesn't know what is acceptable because you are quite relaxed about tidying?

And no food outside of the kitchen/dining room is quite a simple rule to police that will keep the house cleaner

I don?t know how you have handled each of these incidents at the time so hard to comment. I do know that treating a whole heap of events long after they occurred doesn?t really work.
I doubt asking him to clean the whole house with antibac wipes will achieve anything other wasting some of his time and making him feel sorry for himself. You are conning yourself if you think that a one off big "punishment" like that will help him to see the error of his ways and be the start of a new pattern of behaviour. It might make you feel better, but it is not going to achieve anything.
Like others have already said, consistency, teaching by example, clear rules and consequences are more effective.

My children are no angels, but that list is quite heavy. Definitely a good time to sit down and think about why all this is happening and what needs to change in order to stop it. Might not be just about him changing but more about how you respond to his behaviour and how you handle these incidents as they crop up.
Good Luck

One of my DSs makes a lot of mess and gives the "what's it got to do with me, I have people to sort things like that" look when confronted.

In my case I realise that a lot of it is due to my lack if supervision. Quite a few mums I know insist that mealtimes are up to the table, with the mum giving close supervision which includes table manners lessons. I, on the other hand, tend to let my kids eat their tea from a tray on their laps while watching telly. I then return after doing some mumsnet important housework and go off on one because DS1, who is the oldest and clumsiest has dropped food down his front/knocked his drink over and not noticed/left crumbs everywhere.

So in my case I know I need to be on the case more and it sounds to me like you do too. You have a seven year old who gets bolognaise all over his hands and will wipe it on everything . . . so basically you need to be there when he eats.

For the rest I would recommend:

Food on the floor - handed dustpan and brush at the time.

Poo on the walls - anti bac wipes at the time plus loud and long disgusted lecture.

His bedroom door - do nothing as it's his room but a reminder that when you decide it needs fixing it comes out of his pocket money.

Brother's carpet - if it was an accident, I'd leave it. Otherwise deduction from pocket money to pay for cleaning.

I have only introduced pocket money recently, and only so I can deduct it for infringements. Trouble is it has worked and is now costing me a fortune. D'oh!

he sounds like an upset, distressed and insecure little boy, who instead of a huge punishment, needs more nurturing

agree that these things have to be tackled as they ahppen and things like eating only at the table, no food or drink elsewhere and more supervision will help

I agree with xir8 which was harsh but accurate. You can't suddenly punish him for something that you have accepted in the past. You can't let a small DC drip drinks everywhere and then suddenly blow up about it once you think they are old enough not to. As soon as you realise it is a problem you need to stop it-the easiest way being to keep the drinks in an easily moppable area.
Balloonslayer has got some good points.
You have a simple choice-you either tidy up and insist on house rules that have to be adhered to by all or you allow them to do as they like and don't fuss. Consistency

Sorry -posted too soon! Consistency is the answer. It needs a clear message that can't be misunderstood.

The earlier poster had it in a nutshell. It's too easy to point to adhd to explain away v. poor parenting. ?I'm sorry to say this MrsSnape but you give your children mixed messages.

Someone mentioned a wii for Xmas? For a child who is this careless?

Is he still having to share the wii for christmas with his eldes brother??? The wii that he didn't want? I'm not surprised he thinks you love DS1 more than him tbh...

Hmm. The above post proves my point re poor parenting skills/decisions.

Some people get given little angels who are easy to parent where as other children are more of a challenge. My son is very easy to parent now, although it wasn't easy to parent him when he had significant hearing problems.

ADHD is a real condition, its not bad parenting. I work with some children with ADHD and there is something fundermentally different about them compared with my son who does have ADHD. It is really hard to describe.

I am not a professional in ADHD and I think a professional would be better to advise than a bunch of mumsnetters. In our area the council run special parenting classes for children with special needs. In our area the courses are called "1,2,3 magic"

The Supernanny strageries don't always work with such children. Even a child who is intelligent with high functioning skills might have problems understanding facial expressions.

Maybe something like a social story would help to explain why he should behave in a particular fashion. There are resources to teach social skills to those who find it hard. Prehaps if you post on the the special educational needs board or the special needs board you would get a more sympathetic response.

I am sorry in being fairly cluesless to think what else to suggest.

Oops, I mean my son does not have ADHD. You can tell why I picked my username!

I'm not denying some children are more challenging than others. Believe me I know,I have four!

The point is that the OP in the past has admitted to some ill thought out parental choices. Imho 'condtions' are an easy cop out. Isn't amazing how many children have this. ALL children can have phases of challenging behaviour.

As parents we should deal with it rather than make labels up that absolve us of blame or require some effort.

dsrplus8 - snort at @ 'bad dose of adhd'.

sorry, but that proves my point! You have a big family with the obvious dynamics. he's just attention seeking.

MrsSnape I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your DS at the moment, it can be very trying, even for the most patient and consistant parents, when you have a child who just doesn't act the way you expect them to (speaking from experience, I have an odd DS who has left his teachers baffled and me loosing much sleep).

I agree with BigTillyMint and also think your idea of making him clean up the mess with anti-bacterial wipes tomorrow a good idea and not at all unreasonable.

I never said he had ADHD! The dyspraxia however has actually being diagnosed, I didn't just make it up to excuse his behaviour.

And yes he is getting a wii but it is a family thing for all 3 of us. Hardly crime of the century, I'm sure other 'naughty' kids have wiis

But yes, I agree/admit I have not been 'on the ball' these past few years and most of it (all of it?) is my own fault. Hence why I asked the question in the OP.

sorry overmydeadbody, crossed post. Thanks for your message

No worries MrsSnape.

It is easy enough to slip up and not be on the ball all the time, what parent always is?

At least you are trying to address the situation now, I hope things get easier for you.

BY the way, I don't think it would be at all a mistake to consider things like ADHD and related conditions as they have, our Paediatrician tells me, a very high level of co-morbidity with things like dyslexia, dyspraxia and ASDs (among other things).

You ALSO need to do a quick MOT on yourself to make sure you're being as consistent as you can be - that's more important than the strategy you choose I think. And, maybe set a better example with the tidying? Enlist his help.

He may have conditions. He may just have issues. Whichever it is, please make sure that YOU are eating well and going to bed early because you have a LOT on your plate.

You have my sympathies.

xxxPB

Thanks prettybutterfly.

Yes, Dittany. I did. He also helped me clean the living room floor this morning (laminate so wipes easy) and tidied his bedroom.

I've been watching him quite closely today. He gets a sweet from the quality street tin, opens the wrapper and just drops it on the floor. In the past I have just ignored this and picked it up myself (duh) so when I caught him doing it today (more than once) I've told him straight away that it needs to go in the bin, not on the floor.

I would absolutely agree with reading 1-2-3 magic. It is also a programme/course you can attend.

You can just read the book.

It really is very good.

1-2-3 magic

You need boundaries and to be consistent in enforcing these boundaries. He seems to be crying out for attention and negative attention (i.e you telling him off for the naughty things he does) is better than no attention at all.