to encourage my 16 year old babysitter to shag her equally 16 year old boyf?

[misshardbroom]

I have a sometime babysitter who is 16 and in year 12 or Lower Sixth or whatever. I don't leave my children with her at night, she just occasionally covers an hour and a half for me on a Saturday between DH going out to coach rugby on a Saturday and me getting in from work. She's a very young 16 in a lot of ways, not very streetwise really but very respectable and sensible.

Anyway, she has been seeing her boyfriend for about 8 weeks, I don't know him but he sounds OK and she really likes him.

This afternoon she texted me as I was leaving work and said would I be able to pick up some form of sanitary towels for her on my way in as she had come 'on' and didn't have anything. I told her to help herself from the bathroom but I only keep Tampax in and she doesn't use them so of course I said yes I would. Then she texted back and said would I also be able to get her some condoms.

I got them for her because I figured that if she's sleeping with her boyfriend then it's better she has the wherewithal to do it safely. And she's 16, as is he, so the entire thing is legal, if perhaps less than ideal.

However, I'm a bit uncomfortable about it because I don't know how I'd feel if in 10 years or so, someone was buying my teenage daughter condoms.

I don't really know her mum (i.e. definitely not in a position to say 'hello, do you know your daughter is having sex?'), but although my babysitter sees me as her friend, her mum is only 40 so just a few years older than I am myself.

But then, would it be worse to say no, and then her go ahead and sleep with him anyway and end up pg or with chlamydia or other nasties?

what would you have done?

[misshardbroom]

Dottoressa - just to clarify... I have, once, been put on the spot and bought this girl one pack of three condoms. Whilst I understand the point you're making, I'm not sure I'd define it as providing condoms 'on tap'.

[Dottoressa]

Fair point, Mhb!

(And I hope you haven't taken any of the broader discussion personally - it's all very well to pontificate, but goodness only knows what I'd do in practice if put in your situation...)

[Blondeshavemorefun]

for those who have said the girl should be responsible for sorting her own condoms out, if she is mature enough to have sex, she is mature enought to buy her own etc

i personally think the girl is being responsible by getting some condoms, it doesnt matter how she got them,whether the fact she brought them, or asked someone else to buy them its the fact she did get some, and therefore is being mature and sensible

[ScottishMummy]

knowing there is a likliehood of sex and having inadequate protection is immature and irresponsible

one cannot resign responsibility for your own contraception and expect someone else to sort it out

[nooka]

But is saying to someone who you know is going to a chemist could you pick me up some condoms an abdication of responsibility? Is it irresponsible of me to ask dh to pick up tampons, or a prescription. Why do we think of condoms as being so different? I think it is because we have an underlying feeling that sex is a bad (or at least not to be talked about) thing (especially for a young girl). Maybe that's one of the reasons that young people often do not buy or wear condoms.

[misshardbroom]

No offence taken, Dottoressa, if I'd wanted unconditional endorsement and hand-holding then I could have posted on Netmums

[Blondeshavemorefun]

excalty nooka

i think the 16yr was mature by asking - as long as she uses/uesd condoma - then doesnt matter who brought them for her

would it be irresponsible for the girl to ask her mum,as tech then she still isnt sorting out contraception herself or are people saying this, AS she asked another adult

as i said if i had asked my mum for condoms/told her i was having sex - she would have freaked

[Dottoressa]

MHB - true, hun xxxxx

[purpleduck]

skimmed thread

Talk to her. Maybe she needs someone to discuss this all with.

[Daisy15]

I wouldn't say encourage her to have sex. I'm a walking talking result of been encouraged to have sex. Of course i am greatful in some way because then i wouldn't have my wonderful daughter.

I'm 15 and had my girl in August. I think sex used to be viewed differently to how it is now because it's an easy subject to talk about, it isn't anything unusual to talk to people you barely know about it.

Don't assume your baby sitter hasn't had sex before, just the first time with her current boyfriend.

[Kitteh]

I think that sometimes its really embarassing for 16 year olds to buy condoms, sometimes even older.. i know my friend is 21 and shes still embarassed.
I think if you hadnt of bought her the condoms she may have gone ahead of just had unprotected sex, and therefore you have protected her against doing that.. maybe she doesnt feel close enough to her mum in order to ask her.

[gagamama]

Maybe her boyfriend sent the text from her phone. That's the sort of thing my arsewipe boyfriend at 16 would've done to coax me into bed..."oh look, your trusted older friend has just given you some condoms, she obviously thinks we should be having sex now!"

How embarassed did she look when you gave them to her? Did she look embarassed that you'd bought her a random box of condoms or just that she'd asked.

It's unlikely, but still...

(For the record, I'd have bought them too, but the smallest packet and the most unstimulating, extra safe ones available).