to encourage my 16 year old babysitter to shag her equally 16 year old boyf?

[misshardbroom]

I have a sometime babysitter who is 16 and in year 12 or Lower Sixth or whatever. I don't leave my children with her at night, she just occasionally covers an hour and a half for me on a Saturday between DH going out to coach rugby on a Saturday and me getting in from work. She's a very young 16 in a lot of ways, not very streetwise really but very respectable and sensible.

Anyway, she has been seeing her boyfriend for about 8 weeks, I don't know him but he sounds OK and she really likes him.

This afternoon she texted me as I was leaving work and said would I be able to pick up some form of sanitary towels for her on my way in as she had come 'on' and didn't have anything. I told her to help herself from the bathroom but I only keep Tampax in and she doesn't use them so of course I said yes I would. Then she texted back and said would I also be able to get her some condoms.

I got them for her because I figured that if she's sleeping with her boyfriend then it's better she has the wherewithal to do it safely. And she's 16, as is he, so the entire thing is legal, if perhaps less than ideal.

However, I'm a bit uncomfortable about it because I don't know how I'd feel if in 10 years or so, someone was buying my teenage daughter condoms.

I don't really know her mum (i.e. definitely not in a position to say 'hello, do you know your daughter is having sex?'), but although my babysitter sees me as her friend, her mum is only 40 so just a few years older than I am myself.

But then, would it be worse to say no, and then her go ahead and sleep with him anyway and end up pg or with chlamydia or other nasties?

what would you have done?

[pointydog]

yourself, babygros

[MegBusset]

Why exactly is it 'not ideal' for a 16-year-old girl to have protected sex within a loving relationship? Sounds like about as close to ideal as most 16-year-olds will get!

[harpsichordcarrier]

lololololol at sex being boring at 16
lolololololololololololol at a 16 year old girl wanting to have sex because she has low self-esteem
oh come ON

[beanieb]

Just read the first post.

What would I have done! Erk! I am all for the 'it's legal and better to be safe' but I would be shocked, to be honest, to have my babysitter ask me to buy towels, let alone condoms.

Passive aggressive I am, so I guess I would have bought them and then worried about it.

Depends very much on how close you are.

[lil]

OP why don't you ask her why she wanted you to get them????

[prettybutterfly]

Anyone caught short without a ST for an hour knows to fold up a bit of loo roll into a pad, surely? Your baby sitter should have improvised, not texted you, and she certainly shoudn't be asking you for condoms. If I were her mum I wouldn't like it at all.

[mytetherisending]

Perhaps some of the posters who view buying condoms as encouraging sex, are the reason Britain has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe. A few hundred years ago and biologically woman are at their most fertile in teenage years (continuation of the species) we are programmed to be interested in sex from puberty which is getting progressively earlier in girls. It is no surprise that a 16yo is having sex. You can't stop it, so prevent the teenager ruining her life by getting a severe STI which may leave her infertile, or potentially shorten her life with AIDS, or limit her economic well being by dropping out of school due to having to care for a child or GET THE CONDOMS TO PREVENT ALL OF THIS at the short sighted attitudes of posters saying they wouldn't buy them for her.

[mytetherisending]

Oh and I have 2 girls. If I found out that my girls had been bought condoms by someone else (adult) I would thank the person and pay them for the condoms. I would then ask my dd why she felt she couldn't ask me to get them.

[prettybutterfly]

She should certainly use condoms. And she should buy her own!

What on earth is she asking the woman she babysits for condoms for, when she doesn't need them immediately and can buy them on her way home??

[cupsoftea]

She could get advice from a family planning clinc www.fpa.org.uk/information/detail.cfm?contentid=120

[prettybutterfly]

mytetherisending, and if this stupid girl caught an sti from having unprotected sex it still wouldn't be her employer's fault. It would be her own, and her partner's fault!

[scaredoflove]

As the mother of teen girls I would be happy that they had gone to someone to ask for condoms

The period bit, I'm sure she did improvise and it is not unreasonable to want to get a pad as soon as possible

My thinking is she is maybe hoping that this has opened a channel to discuss things and she has chosen OP to be that person, I hope mine have somewhere to go if they need it

At 16, all love affairs are the 'one', so she prob is in her mind in a loving relationship

[harpsichordcarrier]

er why is she stupid??
she might not want to buy condoms at the supermarket in case she sees someone she knows, in case one of her friends is serving at the cash till....
I used to hate buying condoms when I was that age. I once had to get the MAP (condom failure) and I took two buses to another town's hospital to avoid having to go to my GP or my own local hospital.
it is perfectly normal.
I also had some very lovely sex in a very lovely ,loving relationship at 16. it was neither boring nor a sign of my low self-esteem

[MegBusset]

I had sex at 16 with my boyfriend that I was totally in love with. In fact it was a far more stable and loving relationship than many men I slept with in my 20s!

[mytetherisending]

prettybutterfly the girl certainly isn't stupid! The ones who are stupid are the ones who are too afraid and embarrassed to go to a family planning centre or who may not be able to get there- no money for bus fare/won't ask parents and who don't ask someone they trust.
In fact you are the stupid one and will possibly end up with a teenager with a child or STI

[prettybutterfly]

Well, she can't improvise a sanitary pad for an hour and a half, and can't buy her own condoms...

There surely can't only be one shop that sells them??

I had a lovely, loving boyriend at 16 too, and we had great sex, and we used condoms, and we bought our own. It wouldn't have occured to me to ask an employer to buy me some. It wouldn't have had to!

[mytetherisending]

Megbusset the man I married the first time and was with for 8yrs was also the first person I slept with at 16yrs.

[prettybutterfly]

rubbish! and rude. Get a grip.

[MrsWeasley]

She may be embarrassed about asking for condoms, My friend is 44 and still wont buy a packet . She may be asking for advice in a round about way.

Personally I would buy them and have a little chat with her over a cup of tea

[prettybutterfly]

"The ones who are stupid are the ones who are too afraid and embarrassed to go to a family planning centre or who may not be able to get there- no money for bus fare/won't ask parents and who don't ask someone they trust."

Anyone that afraid and embarrassed might want to put sex of for a year or two. They are definitely not ready.

[mytetherisending]

She isn't her employer as such, the girl is a babysitter on an ad hock basis.
Prettybutterfly you really are clueless and in some parts of the country, especially in a village the shop may have been closed by the time she finished babysitting. I have just had an interview for a public health nurse job and had to give a presentation about the role of the school nurse. A text messaging system has been introduced so that children can ask for condoms/NRT/ etc because research has shown that children will not contact FPCs or GPs regarding sexual health due to embarrassment/ fear of getting into trouble with police and parents. For the same reason lots of children prefer to speak to someone they hardly know/see.

[harpsichordcarrier]

I had to buy some condoms last summer in little town in Wales and there was only one shop selling condoms (I tried two others) and I had to ask the man behind the counter and we had to get into a discussion about what sort etc.
it was a leetle embarrassing, I must say.
and I am not 16.

[harpsichordcarrier]

being too embarrassed to ask for condoms has really nothing to do with being ready for sex.
the two are completely different.

[prettybutterfly]

ok, mytetherisending, whatever you say.

... hang on, my neighbour's boy's just passing by ... better pop out and give him a condom, just in case he's too embarrassed to buy his own ...