to encourage my 16 year old babysitter to shag her equally 16 year old boyf?

[misshardbroom]

I have a sometime babysitter who is 16 and in year 12 or Lower Sixth or whatever. I don't leave my children with her at night, she just occasionally covers an hour and a half for me on a Saturday between DH going out to coach rugby on a Saturday and me getting in from work. She's a very young 16 in a lot of ways, not very streetwise really but very respectable and sensible.

Anyway, she has been seeing her boyfriend for about 8 weeks, I don't know him but he sounds OK and she really likes him.

This afternoon she texted me as I was leaving work and said would I be able to pick up some form of sanitary towels for her on my way in as she had come 'on' and didn't have anything. I told her to help herself from the bathroom but I only keep Tampax in and she doesn't use them so of course I said yes I would. Then she texted back and said would I also be able to get her some condoms.

I got them for her because I figured that if she's sleeping with her boyfriend then it's better she has the wherewithal to do it safely. And she's 16, as is he, so the entire thing is legal, if perhaps less than ideal.

However, I'm a bit uncomfortable about it because I don't know how I'd feel if in 10 years or so, someone was buying my teenage daughter condoms.

I don't really know her mum (i.e. definitely not in a position to say 'hello, do you know your daughter is having sex?'), but although my babysitter sees me as her friend, her mum is only 40 so just a few years older than I am myself.

But then, would it be worse to say no, and then her go ahead and sleep with him anyway and end up pg or with chlamydia or other nasties?

what would you have done?

[KatieDD]

I would have bought them and hope somebody would do the same for my daughter in that position and maybe point her in the direction of the family planning clinic.

[lil]

Definitely a prank. Think about it, there's no way a girl of 16 would be having sex on a period. You would have to be ultra confident of your sexuality...no way at 16! So if she wasn't about to have sex that night why would she ask you for them? (I'm sure it would be the boys job at that age.

[Ivykaty44]

It could be that she wants to "show" her friends the packet, she is a young 16 and wants to look more worldly - possibly.

Whatever though better to sleep knowing she will not get pg than having said no and then 9 months down the line regretting your decision.

[babygrosandgros]

No advice but I have a problem with your title. I am far from bring a pedant but the word equally seems misplaced and unnecessary.

Sorry I've been trying not to post but its really annoying me in active convos

[OrmIrian]

If she is so sensible she wouldn't have done it without them. So although you were being thoughtful I don't think I would.

Not to mention they are bloody expensive.

[mumeeee]

DD3 is 16 and I would not like anyone buying condoms for her.

[misshardbroom]

babygrosandgros - I am sorry that my moral dilemma had an adverse effect on my linguistic capabilities. Shall I also apologise now for the use of the colloquialisms 'shag' and 'boyf' in my title?

[Flightattendant4]

I agree with Hellish - the towels thing was probably just a prelude to what she really wanted to ask you to get.
Perhaps she doesn't think she is allowed to buy johnnies herself.

Perhaps she does feel under pressure to sleep with him and you could have a talk with ehr about it.

Whatever, I think you did the right thing.

[babygrosandgros]

No need to apologise for anything misshardbroom, just something I had to get off my chest.

BTW - IMO you did the right thing. I hope if my dd wants to have sex at 16 and asks someone to buy her condoms, they will be responsible and mature enough to do so.

[giraffescantdancethetango]

what did she say/act like when you gave her them?

[fanjolina]

At 16 you have sex whenever the opportunity arises - period or no period!

[edam]

Agree with the suggestions that possibly she wants to talk to a trusted adult about having sex but doesn't know how to start the conversation.

If it was my 16yo dd, I'd be grateful that someone helped her to get condoms.

[misshardbroom]

giraffes - she looked kind of embarrassed and just said 'thanks very much' and then dived off to the bathroom to put the towels to use.

Interesting ideas about it all being a big teenage 'dare' type thing. She's never struck me as that sort of a girl, and I know she hasn't got that many close female friends (assuming it would be them who had put her up to it). I'm wondering whether the situation with the boyfriend has got to a point where she sees sex as being on the cards and figures she should be prepared, rather than it necessarily happening right now???

Oh I don't know. I guess I'm not shocked about 16 y.os having sex: I'd be naive to think it doesn't happen. Do I think it's a great idea? No, not really. But as a mother myself I'm more putting myself in her mum's shoes, and I really don't know how I'd feel about it.

[Dottoressa]

One more thought... if I were you, I would definitely be telling her mother!!

If my DD is having sex (or thinking of it) at 16, I would be sad and sorry that she hadn't got anything more interesting to do. However, I would be positively enraged if another adult knew when I didn't!!

I would be equally enraged if this adult were encouraging it by actually buying condoms.

So flame me!

[babbi]

RE a 16 YO not having sex during her period, my DS had sex regularly with his then GF when they were both 16 . Embarrassed - not a sodden bit of it !! How on earth do you know so much info I hear you all ask ??
Because they simply tossed the soiled tampon in his waste paper basket and got on with it . I eventually banned him from having her in the house as they continually left it lying in the bin for ME to find and remove as I was cleaning . Disgusting , I could never understand why they were not embarrassed at me screeching at them each month to clean up after themselves .

[Dottoressa]

Am I the only one who thinks that 16-y-os should find a hobby other than sex?

I hope mine have higher self-esteem at 16. Only 10 years until I find out...

[pointydog]

if it was my 16 yr old dd, I wouldn't want the ow,man she babysat for buying her condoms. No no I wouldn't.

[onager]

Dottoressa, so sex is both boring and degrading? I think you must be doing it wrong

People have been known to have sex as part of a loving relationship which added to their happiness and self esteem.

[babygrosandgros]

TBH if she's held out till she's 16 she's done well in this day and age

[mytetherisending]

I think getting condoms is fine and sensible of her. I would have been inclined to say don't rush into things until you are ready will you? or do you feel you know him well enough in just 8wks. Perhaps ask her when she planned to use said condoms to provoke a discussion.
I definately wouldn't tell the mother though because she is being sensible and is legal to do as she likes regarding sex.

[pointydog]

and I'm surprised there are quite a few of you saying you would be happy with that. I am.

[babygrosandgros]

Would I rather my dd was having unprotected sex and running the risk of STD's which could damage her forever or fall pregnant. Or I would I prefer her to use condoms .. tough choice