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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my DD aged 10mths screaming....

164 replies

bonnibaby · 09/10/2008 21:55

in her cot whilst me and DP eat our evening meal when it gets to 9pm ,i have been at her beck and call all day and just want 10 minutes to eat?!
Please tell me im not?-shes fed,clean,dry,been looked after and stimulated all day,its not asking too much is it?

OP posts:
MissisBoot · 09/10/2008 21:57

yes, its fine - you need to eat otherwise you'll run out of energy to do the same thing over and over again.

does she normally settle herself or is she going through a difficult phase?

Elasticwoman · 09/10/2008 21:59

I did this with my first child sometimes. It wasn't so necessary with the subsequent ones.

I hope you don't have the baby monitor on while you do it.

Before our first was born, we had dinner with relatives once and they were up and down at the beck and call of the baby monitor all during dinner, even though we didn't eat till 10pm. While they were out of the room my dh mimed snipping the wire to me! We never had a baby monitor.

TheGreatScootini · 09/10/2008 22:00

YANBU..you have to eat..(have a wee/talk on the phone sometimes/cook/whatever else at times..and sometimes she wont like it and will cry...but if you didnt let her at times and do these things, then nothing would ever get done...

wasabipeanut · 09/10/2008 22:00

I'm sure you know the difference between grizzling and screaming. A minute or two of grizzling means I don't always intervene. Screaming means I do.

MrsBadger · 09/10/2008 22:03

[unpopular opinion ahoy]

if screaming, YABU
eat in shifts

if grizzling, YANBU

I had a screamer
we did 20min on 20min off till she went to sleep

savetheplanetdontiron · 09/10/2008 22:09

you want validation I am guessing?

yes, we are at babies "beck and call" because they can't exactly do stuff for themselves.

Do you get a break from her during the day - half an hour with a grandparent or a neighbour even. I only ask because you sound a bit angry - not a criticism. I am angry about the amount my baby needs me right now - and in fact has started to cry as I am typing so have to go

I think crying is a sign they need something not just to piss you fof.

have to go.

RhinestoneCowghoul · 09/10/2008 22:18

I felt quite angry when DS was this age, felt so relentless, and his sleeping went through a really bad patch. We used to take it in turns to sit with him whilst the other one shovelled in their dinner - I feel your pain, it's hard work.

But it did pass, and will for you too.

Agree that grizzling is diff matter tho...

TheHedgeWitch · 09/10/2008 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Starbear · 09/10/2008 22:23

I'm sure you wouldn't have left her long. When I really, really need 5-10mins to get something done I used to say out loud to myself that my DS wasn't cold, starving and in a refugee camp some where in the world and in 5- 10mins he'll have a cuddle and food or my funny face. My dad was in a refugee camp in 1940's and my Mum was left my her own mother tied to a bed on the floor when Gran went work (8-9 hrs) Give your own mind a break. Party on Sunday had 15, 4 years old running around my garden bare foot in mud and rain. Couldn't stop thinking about children in the Himalayas who have no shoes at all, ever. Chill, but you might need a break during the day. If it not a now and again feeling

IAteDavinaForDinner · 09/10/2008 22:27

Screaming babies being left while you eat is unreasonable. Grizzling babies being left while you eat is fine.

We still have nights when things are done in shifts (tonight for example) and DS is 14 months. It gets less with time although I know if feels relentless now. I so sympathise with the frustration you feel but if your baby is screaming it is because she is distressed and you should be there for her as far as possible.

Sometimes wanting ten minutes peace at a time that suits us parents is too much to ask of a wee baby who can't do anything for themselves.

BeheadedHereNow · 09/10/2008 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ceolas · 09/10/2008 22:30

Well I think it's unreasonable. I wouldn't have done it with any of them and we have 4.

You did ask....

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/10/2008 22:40

Fair enough after spending all day with a baby you just wanted 10 mins to eat your meal.
My dp would have gone to the child while I ate and then had his meal when I went back 'on duty'

Original poster
bonnibaby · 09/10/2008 22:40

Yes,i was feeling a little angry when i posted,we also have a 2.5 year old with special needs and it just seems so relentless.
We get very little time to ourselves,maybe an hour a week at most.
I love my children dearly and know im very lucky to have them.
DD fell asleep after about 5 minutes,she is now sound asleep in her cot.

OP posts:
BeheadedHereNow · 09/10/2008 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starbear · 09/10/2008 22:57

Bonnibaby, Hope it's better tomorrow. Hope you get a little help from family too.
Must go now and do the stuff I should have been doing instead of on this machine

alicet · 10/10/2008 10:58

Hope it gets better today bonni. I have a 2.8 year old and a 1 year old and it's f*cking hard work at times.

Can understand all the pov on this thread from the YABU to the you need to have time for yourself.

Sometimes my ds2 gets at his most distressed when he is totally shattered and has got a bit beyond settling himself which he can usually do no problem. I that instance I think it's actually kinder to let him shout and then go to sleep - it only seems to wind himself up more and more if I keep fussing him.

I also think it's important that if you are feeling at the end of your tether and your baby is safe / fed / warm / clean etc to just put her where she is safe (like her cot) and leave. You might need this for your sanity and that is important to your baby as much as any amount of cuddles. Although it is horrble to witness a baby will not come to any harm from being left to cry for 10 minutes while you pull yourself together / have dinner / a bottle of wine down in 1 / whatever

nooOOOoonki · 10/10/2008 11:11

I haven't read the thread but I have left a child screaming for about 5 mins in a cot as it was that or scream at them myself,

but I would find eating difficult with a child screaming

sympathise hugely though it is v hard when you have not had a minute to yourself x

GreenMonkies · 10/10/2008 11:17

It is NEVER fine to leave a baby screaming. Ever.

YABVVVU!

You eat wih her on your lap if need be.

You chose to have her

cazboldy · 10/10/2008 11:21

I couldn't physically eat while one of my children was screaming - I have 5. Never mind a baby of 10 months, and the comments about hoping there wasn't a baby moniter, and cuttiing the wires are absolutely awful

Hope you enjoyed your meal

thisisyesterday · 10/10/2008 11:23

yes, you are being very unreasonable.
she is a BABY. you are an adult. it is your job and your responsibility to care for her and comfort her.

if your dinner is more important then perhaps you should question why you had children in the first place?

Othersideofthechannel · 10/10/2008 11:27

I didn't know babies this age screamed unless they are in pain.

I thought it was just newborns.

Am I really lucky to have had children that haven't really screamed since they were 6 months apart from when they have hurt themselves or are having a tantrum, which is different.

lalalonglegs · 10/10/2008 11:28

It is fine to leave a baby crying while you eat your supper. While I agree that babies do cry when they need/want something, those needs/wants aren't always reasonable eg: wanting company when tired rather than sleeping. Have your meal, take a deep breath and deal with her afterwards. Ten minutes will not do any sort of damage so don't let people make you feel guilty about it.

Othersideofthechannel · 10/10/2008 11:29

I've just reread this and see that she was stimulated all day and fell asleep after 5 mins. She was probably exhausted. Does she not nap?

belgo · 10/10/2008 11:29

I couldn't relax and enjoy my food if my child was screaming. So I would send dh to her instead, that's the perfect solution imo.

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