To leave my DD aged 10mths screaming....

[bonnibaby]

in her cot whilst me and DP eat our evening meal when it gets to 9pm ,i have been at her beck and call all day and just want 10 minutes to eat?!
Please tell me im not?-shes fed,clean,dry,been looked after and stimulated all day,its not asking too much is it?

and by 'supportive' it is not necessary to agree with the OPs actions simply 'supportive' can be giving your contrasting opinion but in a caring, useful way as you have done Sycamore Tree.

Well, I think an awful lot of us have started to react in a more angry and/or defensive way of late on these boards. I've put a personal ban on FFS. I can't allow myself to get that angry on a talk board anymore. There's been a cloud of gloom over these parts of late, and I think it's probably time we all did our best to get ourselves collectively out of this rut.

To that end, I have started a totally innocuous annecdotal thread in the hope of sprinkling some slightly more light hearted mood pom poms over us all.

Well done ST! Perhaps its the Credit Crunch bringing out the naysayer in some of us!

Yes - am thinking I was probably only calm because I came in late on the thread.

Am afraid have been guilty of the occasional rant when a thread tips over the 200 posts mark .

mmm I can see how it happens. Interestingly it is possible that people would have more control in RL. It is the 'facelessness' of the t'internet that pehaps gives licence to be aggressive.

I have seen some threads where I am truely shocked at the cliquey bitchy nature of the posts. To the extent where I worry about the damage it might do to the OP.

Yes. I agree.

Note to self - must use "hide thread" option more liberally.

yanbu.
10 min break to tea your tea sounds fine to me.
why not take it in turns.

so true

I said FFS for the first time on this website yesterday and dont think that I have ever said it in real life .. !! Its just not me and felt bad as soon as I had posted it. Very easy to get carried away on here, which is fine until you really upset someone

Debate is good, but it does get a bit personal.

Some interesting points raised here. For the record, i dont think that OP was being unreasonable at all.

I am that people have rounded on VS - she is lovely and has been very kind to me on my threads in the past. She was just making a point. My DD does the whole passing out when crying thing - she has done this twice now and i too thought she had died. It was just awful as i am sure you can imagine - it lasted seconds, im sure my screaming her name brought her round. That is one of the reason i couldnt leave her to cry - i would be up the stairs like a rocket the minute she stopped .

I haven't read the whole thread, but personally I couldn't eat my dinner while my baby was screaming in the background. Having said that, it is obviously better to leave them alone to cry for a few minutes if you are really stressed and tired.

EM We aren't 'rounding' on VS. VS came on here swearing and making her point in a forceful manner. We were trying to clear up any misguided comments she made. I am pleased she is lovely and kind to you. This makes it even more surprising that she used such an unfortunate manner in which to express herself here.

See my point above:FFS and FGS were really not necessaryin the context of this thread.

Exasperatedmummy, don't worry about it, I don't.
It seems the tone and wording of one post (FFS - which I would still use, she is only ten months after all and I was only explaining why a lot of posters had got about it.) is highly important in a thread yet another word should be interpreted as being used in exaggeration and not as it sounds (screaming).
But then I've always said I do love a bit of good old fashioned hypocrisy.

ST. Thankyou. I appreciate you took the time to tell me what you know rather than accuse me of trying to scare a poster to stop her doing something I don't agree with.

Now that really is my last word on the subject.

Only just back to this thread, sorry to see that it got rather aggressive. I hope you don't think I was one of the posters jumping at you, VS. Certainly didn't mean that. I am sorry it descended into name calling.

Just wanted to say that every one of dd's tantrums was accompanied by huge amounts of screaming and getting worked up- in fact, I can't see how you can have a tantrum without getting worked up. Isn't screaming and getting worked up the definition of a tantrum. Dd used to be completely beyond herself.

It seemed to me that you were saying that I was putting her life at risk by not stopping them.

I also had bad tantrums and my db had absolutely spectacular ones until quite old. I just don't see what anyone could have done to stop them in full flow.

Might add that she has had febrile convulsions, but only related to virus, never to screaming per se.

We are not trying to be nasty to you, VS (not all of us!): I just think a post like yours could heap masses of guilt and fear on those parents whose babies scream a lot for various reasons. Some children do, it's temperamental. If we had to live in constant fear, that wouldn't make it easier to manage them.

My dd nearly died falling off a climbing frame. I am not going to go up to every parent I see in the playground and say 'you do realise that you're putting your child at risk'. Because most of them probably aren't. It was my dd who couldn't cope with a climbing frame that was fine for everybody else. And if people start thinking every ghastly thing that has happened to any child could happen to them, then they won't dare to do anything. Experience shows that most children do not develop febrile convulsions from screaming for 5 or 10 minutes. We'd have noticed by now.

I have also learnt not to take every word from doctors as gospel truth. Some of the explanations some doctors- including consultants- have come up with for dd's condition have been fanciful in the extreme. It is clear that they have not read the medical literature. I have.

Gosh, I am sure that all the jumping on VS has been really helpful and supportive to the OP, just what she needed when she posted, a bunch of mares with their knickers in a twist.

To the OP.
It is fine to take a break and eat, but I wonder why your partner could not hold the baby? He had been away the whole day and had NOT been dealing with 2 children? Next time, try take it in turns maybe, it must be mentally draining to listen to a screaming child when eating.

As I said we are not jumping on VS but quite clearly her initial post was forceful in a way that was not meant to be empathetic and clearly as Cory stated could heap masses of guilt on the OP.

As such it is natural to come to the conclusion that she was tryng to 'scare' the OP and therefore this was flagged up with VS. No name calling or swearing from me.

It is good that VS can now rest assured that she was unlikely to have caused the FC and that this misleading opinion can be put to the rest. I am sure the OP will find that helpful.

Scare the op....
Lets pussy foot around the op instead, eh? Lets not tell her what can happen, in case it scares her... Geezzzz....
Even if a baby does not get a fevrile convulsion from being left alone and scream, it is pretty upsetting for the baby, not? VS offered another angle to it, and what is with the posting police attitude? Who are you to tell what people can post and not? A poster is trying to help, others jump on and call it scare tactics. Get a life.

Not Pussy foot but have empathy - this is important. VS wishes us to have empathy with her and I am trying to do this but the aggressive manner of certain posts makes it difficult.

Also I am well within my rights to point out that swearing is not a helpful way of making a point... I have a life, thanks for your concern.

Here we go again. I wasn't trying to scare the OP, I WASN'T EVEN POSTING TO THE OP.

I don't care if you have empathy for me izyboy, I really don't but I would appreciate it if you stop putting twists on my posts.

FFS is just a term used to describe frustration. Frustration at people seemingly not understanding why posters were getting upset at the notion that a ten month old baby was left to scream.

May I have an answer to my posts, VS, even though I don't call you names? (I don't mind your language in particular; and didn't think you were horrible to the OP.)

I just think other parents reading this may get unnecessarily frightened if they are told that screaming is really dangerous for their children. A lot of us have had children who scream a lot- we would have been in a permanent state of panic and our parenting would probably have suffered.

Also, tbh after all the dealings I have had with paediatricians I would not necessarily believe one of them unless I had checked it with the medical literature or had reason to believe that he had made a study of this particular area. Paediatricians cannot be expert in everything, as I have found to my cost. disclaimer: have known wonderful paediatricians. But also some who will tell you what they think they remember rather than looking it up).

Well VS simply read your initial post again and you will see why some of us had a concerned reaction. You will also see why some of us thought you were trying to scare the OP. I then explained why I came to this conclusion precisely because I did not want to appear bitchy and be misconstrued.

FFS- I dont really care about this point all that much, but it did seem unnecessarily harsh for a first posting. The OP explained she was having a hard time and therefore needed some TLC whether or not we all agreed.

I shall not waste my empathy on you anymore then lol!

Izyboy, I have reread VS's first post on this thread. I cant see anything wrong with it. Sorry. We are not all the same, and if we need wrapping in cottonwool, there are other more fluffy sites. We are all grown ups here, and should not really take offence to an honest outburst, even if it contains the odd ffs. Policing how people chose to put their point across and turn a support thread into a debate about that, is totally OTT.

I dont think there is anything in VS post that warrants the abuse and reaction she got, especially from Christywisty or whatever her name is. Calling somebody who is trying to contribute on a thread a nasty piece of work is uncalled for, rude and just mindnumbingly stupid.

Cory, I'm sorry if you felt I made you feel guilty or could have made another poster feel guilty but I was just stating what had happened to me and my child.

It wasn't just one paediatrician, but a whole group of doctors/nurses etc that DD saw, or I possibly would've questioned it more. We went to and from that hospital for different tests week after week yet every time she had a fit I was asked the same accusatory questions.

After leaving this thread yesterday though, I posted on another and was discussing shocking treatment I received at the same hospital in the maternity 'care' units, so although I don't see that anyone has proven that febrile fits could not possibly be caused by screaming, nor what would have caused them in a child who was not unwell (if you do have proof I would really appreciate links etc), I could accept that this was yet another failing in their 'care'.

Yes, you may not say to someone 'your child may fall off that climbing frame and hurt themselves' but that is a known risk surely? From what I was told by the rubbish NGH hospital this was an unknown risk. If your daughter had an allergic reaction to a bee sting (a lesser know risk) and a poster said 'My daughter just got stung by a bee' would you not mention your experience.

izyboy, I don't need to read my first post, I know what I wrote. It seems it is you that doesn't understand it, not me. My post was aimed at posters who were questioning the posters who didn't agree with the OPs actions, not the OP. You can't expect to post in AIBU and not get a few 'yes, you are being unreasonable answers, especially on a topic as emotive as a baby 'screaming'. It is you that decided I was using 'scare tactics'.