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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my DD aged 10mths screaming....

164 replies

bonnibaby · 09/10/2008 21:55

in her cot whilst me and DP eat our evening meal when it gets to 9pm ,i have been at her beck and call all day and just want 10 minutes to eat?!
Please tell me im not?-shes fed,clean,dry,been looked after and stimulated all day,its not asking too much is it?

OP posts:
nickytwoooohtimes · 11/10/2008 20:46

God, that first year was a nightmare....

GinghamRibbon · 11/10/2008 20:47

Goodness my daughter screams the minute my husband goes through the front door. She gets totally hysterical whether I cuddle her or not. So now I just don't.

No, I don't think you are wrong to eat whilst the screaming is going on.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:48

I know, and therefore 10 mins of screamming while you try to enjoy bolting down your tea is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD (Geenmonkies et al!)

macdoodle · 11/10/2008 20:50

Some babies scream some dont it has NOTHING to do with parenting - I know I have one of each

Shitemum · 11/10/2008 20:52

bonni - i dont know if you are for or against controlled crying (I am for it and against overtired babies and stressed parents) but this is basically what you have done with your DD - she cried for all of 5 mins then went to sleep, next couple of nights she has cried for less time and then gone to sleep - congratulations!
Make sure you always leave her awake in her cot at bedtime from now on and she will go to sleep by herself, she'll also go back to sleep by herself if she wakes in the night (unless she is ill or whatever and I'm sure you'll realise if she is)

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:53

Careful Shitemum you'll have Greenmonkies back on wagging her finger at us all!

exasperatedmummy · 11/10/2008 21:00

yes, i have to echo macdoodles 20/44 post. My first child slept through the night at two weeks, i never had any problems with bedtimes, she put herself to bed at three and i would go and read her a story and tuck her in. That was when i was a 19 year old single parent. Now im a 38 yo pareant with a partner and my DD is three and demanding, whingy, terrible at bedtime and is often up at 10pm. YES i would love ten minutes peace too.

I certainly don't think the OP was unreasonable at all, but i wonder if she would have been better making her hubby see to baby while she actually sat and ate her dinner rather than shovelling it in at breakneck speed. I don't agree with controlled crying though.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:06

Yep but each to their own. At least let's not get judgemental about it. We all have different ways of dealing with difficult circs and occasionally leaving a child to cry in a contolled environment is fine, I feel.

pamelat · 11/10/2008 21:07

macdoodle, ffs - if you read my first post on here it says that whilst it may come across as smug its not, I am only a first time mum

My DD is very demanding and have really struggled with her, as most people on here know.

I am a bit worried that I am rubbish at parenting (not "wonderful!!!") and that maybe she is easy but I just find her demanding, so thanks for adding to that concern. I was offering genuinely meant advice and was worried for OP.

So no need to eat my words for goodness sake, just take some time out to read what people say.

pamelat · 11/10/2008 21:09

My DD did not sleep through until 5 months so I hardly had it easy

ANd she had reflux and colic and is generaly feisty.

All I can compare it to is the people in my little world and none of their babies are still up at 10pm, in fact my DD is the highest maintenance of all of those babies.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:10

Pam calm down - have a quick read over your first post, you might have meant it to sound helpful but it does sound a bit 'unfortunate'.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:11

Pam calm down - have a quick read over your first post, you might have meant it to sound helpful but it does sound a bit 'unfortunate'.

pamelat · 11/10/2008 21:11

and now my spelling has gone to pot

pamelat · 11/10/2008 21:14

izyboy, thanks maybe I do need to calm down, its just the last thing I feel about my DD is smug (hence saying exactly that).

It took ages for her to settle and with her (appreciate its all individual) it was because I was letting her get over tired (which happens very easily with her). I was just offering my experience of it.

Going to bed at a reasonable hour is about the only thing going "right" on schedule with my DD now and was genuinely wondering if this baby was also over tired, or poorly/in pain (which someone else also suggested). It took 5 months to get silent reflux diagnosed for us.

macdoodle · 11/10/2008 21:17

Whoa ok take it easy I did read your post again and sorry it still does come across a little smug and patronising...even if you didnt mean it that way!
No offense meant sorry dont know your history - but sometimes babies are awake through no doing of our own you must know this if you had a colicky one ??
I am a strict routine type person and despite my best efforts OFTEN DD1 was still screaming at 10pm no matter what I did or didnt do - DD2 on the other hand is NEVER awake at 10pm she is a darling...
Am sorry if I "added" to your worries not sure how though?? And I do genunely hope you have a good baby again I was terrified I would have another screaming non sleeper (FWIW she still doesnt sleep brilliantly at 7)

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 11/10/2008 21:37

I do agree with cory...however....I never would have been able to enjoy my meal with screaming child in tow....ds3 was a terror....he is still very sensitive....he was screaming pretty much since the day was born all through his first year....but....when he was screaming, I could never really physically detach myself, if he was in range, to enjoy any meal, whilst I heard him....so, he ususally would be cuddled to quieten him down....

don't like the comments about removing monitors, etc....could not have done it....however, maybe if I had ...maybe then I would never had gone to feel so low....

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:39

Oh Freaky you sound a bit fed up tonight.

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 11/10/2008 21:42

lol...not really tonight or right now as such.....just know how much my Kids do wind me up a lot of the time...qould not be without them, but by god they have been send to try me, lol....

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:45

..well yes... this is true!

solidgoldskullonastick · 11/10/2008 21:50

Is it just me that wants to punch the author of that peice about 'You wanted a baby, now look after it'? I wonder how much childcare he actually does and how much of it is down to his DW - I could just imagine him saying that to her if she ever asks him to hold the baby for a minute so she can take a shit.

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 11/10/2008 21:56

lol solidgold

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:57

Solid Gold it was probably ghost written by GreenMonkies. I keep referencing her because I am still laughing at her comment along similar lines.

mabanana · 11/10/2008 22:07

SOme babies cry before they go to sleep. This baby cried for five mins! the sanctimonious idiots who posted crap about 'why did you have a baby' should just feck right off.
Babies do not die from five minutes crying themselves to sleep.

Spero · 11/10/2008 22:23

Agree with mabanana.

My new favourite programme is the World's Strictest Parents. I bet ALL those teenagers were never, ever left to cry or wipe their own bottoms EVER.

pamelat · 13/10/2008 08:56

Mine always cries before she goes to sleep (even when she used to sleep in the car), its the difference between crying and screaming.

I do leave my DD to cry, especially if she now wakes at 3am (as she isnt hungry etc) but I wouldnt leave her to scream.

Anyway we all have different techniques.