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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my DD aged 10mths screaming....

164 replies

bonnibaby · 09/10/2008 21:55

in her cot whilst me and DP eat our evening meal when it gets to 9pm ,i have been at her beck and call all day and just want 10 minutes to eat?!
Please tell me im not?-shes fed,clean,dry,been looked after and stimulated all day,its not asking too much is it?

OP posts:
izyboy · 14/10/2008 11:11

I chose not to use names and have tried to explain clearly any concerns I have. I have not set myself up as a spokeperson for the politically correct but wanted to explain that the tone of a post can dictate the outcome of how some people might interpret and react to it.

I have replied to subsequent postings regarding this subject if this constitutes a discussion in your eyes- fine. You reacted differently to VS's post- this illustrates my point.

izyboy · 14/10/2008 11:17

Well VS it wasn't just me that interpreted your post as scare tactics, but it is clear that you are sorry if it made people feel guilty and that's a really supportive gesture in my eyes (and I mean that sincerely.)

Sycamoretree · 14/10/2008 11:28

If this is helpful:

Any illness that causes a fever (high temperature) can cause a febrile seizure. Most occur with common illnesses such as ear infections, coughs, colds, flu, and other virus infections. Serious infections such as pneumonia, kidney infections, meningitis, etc, are less common causes.

About 3 in 100 children have a febrile seizure sometime before their 6th birthday. They most commonly occur between the ages of 18 months and three years. They are rare in children under six months and over the age of six years.

So, I'm wondering if your DD may have had some low level infection of the ear, or just a cold which, because of her genetic dispostion, led to the convulsion.

If your DD had many, and is therefore particularly disposed, it could follow that a lower level infection might more easily trigger a seizure in her (as opposed to someone like my DD, that got her first when dealing with quite a severe infection and a very spiked temp).

The research shows that a body temp of 39 degrees is usually the point at which a seizure is triggered, although the threshold is genetically determined - so VS, it is POSSIBLE that your DD has a lower threshold than the norm. Which would account for no obvious presenting symptoms when she was examined.

The other thing worth noting is that it is generally considered to be the RAPID ASCENT of the the temperature that causes the seizure, not the actual temperature itself. So it's not suprising that a child goes from nothing, to seizure. The seizure is usually the first sign of the infection.

izyboy · 14/10/2008 11:51

That is a really useful post St

mytetherisending · 14/10/2008 20:46

Sorry VS didn't mean to be harsh about your post and ffs doesn't bother me at all. I reacted because the link between febrile convulsions (which is not the same as fitting btw) and screaming is none exhistent. If babies fitted due to getting hot when they cried surely it would be more prevelant in hot countries where they would get much hotter. The fact is that screaming itself doesn't cause convulsions. Screaming for a long time may increase temperature but will not create a sharp rise in temp and certainly not to the flashpoint for convulsion which is 39-40 c.

As sycamoretree pointed out some babies hypothalamus are more susceptible to changes in temperature and are more likely to overheat because their threshold is lower, very occasionally this can lead to convulsions before 39 c.

MilaMae · 14/10/2008 21:11

It wasn't just the total inaccuracy of VS's post that was annoying but the tone ie attempting to put her way of parenting forward as the right and correct way.

VS needed to be corrected her post was completely wrong whether it was due to her being given incorrect information or not it was wrong.

If we're talking about wrapping in cotton wool why is it wrong to inform somebody that what they have posted as a fact is in fact completely untrue. How exactly does one inform them of that without being accused of being rude?

VictorianSqualorSquelchNSquirm · 14/10/2008 23:04

"attempting to put her way of parenting forward as the right and correct way"

I didn't discuss my 'way of parenting' I just said my experiences with DD's fits and what I was told and that the reason people got a bit was because the child was still a baby at ten months old. I don't think controlled crying is the way for me but I've never said that you shouldn't leave your baby to cry now and then.

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 15/10/2008 06:22

I think you should all read from VS first post and to this point and have a little think about how you all come across, since you are so concerned with how VS comes across. Then, since we are not wrapping things in cottonwool, maybe consider whether you have been a little too harsh in your own approaches to criticisng her posting efforts, and not just pedal frantically to justify yourselves, whilst picking her posts and intentions even further apart. This is getting to the point of ridiculous, it is like a team of hyenas from the Lion King, you keep going, though she has apologized for how it could be taken way back. There is no letting up, is there?

VS is perfectly capable of fighting her own corner, but reading the thread, the turn it has taken, is just insane.

izyboy · 15/10/2008 09:33

QF'pack of hyenas'lol at your diplomatic use of hyperbole! Well it is clear that inerpretation of threads is a subjective matter. It is also clear that MN is the same old cliquey club it ever was!

Good luck OP I wish you well, clearly the message is - do whatever you feel is best at the time and try not to take all of the above too seriously!

izyboy · 15/10/2008 10:27

Sorry just want to add (had to dash to deal with my tetchy 10 mnth old - why I feeeeel for you so much) 'try not to take it all too seriously' because parenting is a minefield and if you took on board all the opinions on this thread you would be paralized by indecision. I am sure you are doing a fab job in, general, under what appear to be at times tricky circs.

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 15/10/2008 10:58

And the below advice from Izyboy is probably the best one of them all, it is true. You will end up frazzled and feel you are not doing good enough, if you listen to everybody around you. Listen to yourself.

MilaMae · 15/10/2008 11:43

Totally agree with the last 2 posts,v good advice

jujumaman · 15/10/2008 11:44

Apologies I haven't read every word on the thread (i know, I know mn cardinal sin)

But ime some babies justdo scream themselves to sleep. My dd2 who was a very demanding baby and often screamed just for the hell of it, when she was not in pain etc occasionally did and still does sometimes at 16 months.

She is a bad napper, gets wound up in the day and as I see it this is her way of winding down. I go in and pat and reassure her every few minutes but there's no point getting her up, taking her downstairs etc, it would just make her even more exhausted and crotchety and the spiral would continue

If your baby has a short scream before going to sleep then don't worry about it. If it's going on for hours obviously something is wrong. Please do what you believe to be the best thing for your sanity, that is the most important thing of all when you have small dcs. I feel for you having a hard and exhausting time, which won't have been helped by all the conflicting messages here, and I wish you luck

TeenyTinyTorya · 17/10/2008 11:40

I have left ds to cry sometimes, when he is obviously just about to go off to sleep, and just needs to be left alone. I wouldn't leave him for longer than ten minutes without going in and patting his back or calming him down though.

I would never leave him to scream though, I think there is a difference. OP - I would have said that you and your DP should take turns looking after the baby while the other one eats. However, If you're really stressed, the baby is screaming, and you're on your own, there's no problem with leaving her in her cot while you go away and calm down. It's better than you being stressed and stressing out baby even more.

Out of interest - why the objections to the link Green Monkies posted? I thought it was a good article.

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