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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really wish I could give up work and be a SAHM even though my kids are all school all day?

221 replies

memoo · 09/10/2008 16:50

Don't get me wrong, I myself was a SAHM until 2 years ago and I know that it has its own set of problems and stress's. I don't for one minute think it is an easy ride looking after small children.

But my children are both in school now and so I went back to work full time.

The trouble is that I am struggling to cope with it all whilst keeping my sanity intact. Although I have a fulltime job the pile of stuff I need to do at home hasn't got any smaller.

Every night I get home from work and I have a huge list of things to do.

  • a load on washing, plus drying, putting away etc
-homework/reading/spellings with kids -walk and see to dog -make an evening meal -wash up and tidy kitchen, usually have to do breakfast dishes too
  • make kids pack lunches for next day
  • bath kids
  • the list goes on and on

DP doesn't get in til gone 8 most nights so he is not really here to help.

Our weekends are spent trying to catch up with all the other domestic stuff that we didn't have time to do in the week.

So now I have started thinking that I should stay at home, even though my kids are at school all day. Life would be less stressful and I might actually have time to catch my breath once in a while.

OP posts:
servalanempressoftheuniverse · 09/10/2008 16:51

I think you may well be right. Is it affordable?

sclubheaven · 09/10/2008 16:53

YANBU. If you can afford it there is no reason why you shouldn't.

Original poster
memoo · 09/10/2008 16:53

we'd be very broke if i did! would be able to afford the basics but holiday etc would go out the window.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/10/2008 16:55

You're doing too much housework and your partner's not doing enough, by the look of it. Feed and bath the kids; leave the washing up, packed lunches and washing for your partner.

Original poster
memoo · 09/10/2008 16:57

if i left it to him though it just wouldn't get done. He doesn't get in til after 8 and he just flops on the couch.

OP posts:
servalanempressoftheuniverse · 09/10/2008 16:58

that is really really not on. Do you tackle him about it?

squeaver · 09/10/2008 16:58

Can you work part-time?

motherinferior · 09/10/2008 16:58

Dog, kids (including homework) and cooking are probably a priority. Washing and washingup can wait till he gets home.

I do quite recommend a dishwasher, too.

compo · 09/10/2008 16:58

what time do you get in and what time do you flop on the couch?!!

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe · 09/10/2008 16:59

I dont think you are being unreasonable, I think you should get a dishwasher.

motherinferior · 09/10/2008 17:00

Well, presumably he's noticed you're not at home in the day, and that as a result (a) you've more domestic income (b) there is stuff that needs to be done around the house?

Original poster
memoo · 09/10/2008 17:01

Its an ongoing 'discussion' empress, I have told him that it is going to astart causing problems in our relationship but nothing changes, even though he always says it will.

Squeaver, I can't really reduce my hours, its all or nothing

OP posts:
StressedoutGobbledigook · 09/10/2008 17:02

I agree - get dh more involved.

My dh is quite happy to let me leave the washing up and he will do that.

Likewise, he does the lunchboxes in the morning while I get ready.

If he is here he will bath boys while I do other stuff.

OTOH - if you can afford to be at home it makes life so much easier. I work from home and at the moment it's more than full-time so it's all going to pot in the house - however when I'm quieter I can get household stuff plus a bit of work done in teh day and our evenings and weekends are noticeably significantly calmer and we all get on much, much better.

Most of our angst and sniping goes on when I'm overloaded with work and nothing else gets done.

motherinferior · 09/10/2008 17:02

So eat with the kids. He can fix his own dinner. Ditto washing.

Original poster
memoo · 09/10/2008 17:03

I get in about 4 so in I am home a lot earlier than him but when he gets in i'm still running around doing stuff, because there is so much to do.

I'm lucky if I get to sit down by 9

OP posts:
compo · 09/10/2008 17:04

as soon as he gets in you sit down with him
does he make dinner ever?

StressedoutGobbledigook · 09/10/2008 17:04

Can't you sit him down and say you've just reached breaking point - list out where your time goes right down to 'washed up', 'put a load of washing in', 'folded and put away washing' because it's amazing how time consuming that stuff is.

He may see where you are coming from and then you can work out what things he can take off you.

We've done that before - dh even told me the other day to do him a rota of things to do when he got in with work! He openly admits he would not think to hoover etc (why?!) but that if I leave a list he will happily do it.

Do you think your dh would go for that?

Twelvelegs · 09/10/2008 17:06

What about part time? A little of both lives, a couple of days a week?

MadamePlatypus · 09/10/2008 17:07

Is it not an option to cut down your hours?

motherinferior · 09/10/2008 17:08

But hang on, what is there to do? When DP and I both worked outside the house three days a week, he certainly wasn't running around like a blue-arsed fly when I got in.

pipsy76 · 09/10/2008 17:09

Get a cleaner! Yes not cheap but must work out more economical than you leaving work or reducing hours.

SaintRiven · 09/10/2008 17:09

could you take a sabbatical? I know holidays would not happen but are they really worth it? You sound knackered and doing what really is two full time jobs.

sclubheaven · 09/10/2008 17:09

You may get in at 4 but you are still working when he gets home and beyond.

He needs to do some of the stuff that you are doing after he gets in.

If he's too tired in the evening, can he get up earlier in the morning and do lunchboxes or washing up?

You are not asking him to do anything unreasonable.

dingdong05 · 09/10/2008 17:14

I've known men who either procrastinate or claim ignorance on how things work because they know their wives will eventually do it. And even if the wives left whatever it is to build up waiting for their husbands to get round to it they usually cave in before the men as they tend to have a lower threshold for chaos.

OrmIrian · 09/10/2008 17:16

You and me both memoo!