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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really wish I could give up work and be a SAHM even though my kids are all school all day?

221 replies

memoo · 09/10/2008 16:50

Don't get me wrong, I myself was a SAHM until 2 years ago and I know that it has its own set of problems and stress's. I don't for one minute think it is an easy ride looking after small children.

But my children are both in school now and so I went back to work full time.

The trouble is that I am struggling to cope with it all whilst keeping my sanity intact. Although I have a fulltime job the pile of stuff I need to do at home hasn't got any smaller.

Every night I get home from work and I have a huge list of things to do.

a load on washing, plus drying, putting away etc

-homework/reading/spellings with kids -walk and see to dog -make an evening meal -wash up and tidy kitchen, usually have to do breakfast dishes too

make kids pack lunches for next day
bath kids
the list goes on and on

DP doesn't get in til gone 8 most nights so he is not really here to help.

Our weekends are spent trying to catch up with all the other domestic stuff that we didn't have time to do in the week.

So now I have started thinking that I should stay at home, even though my kids are at school all day. Life would be less stressful and I might actually have time to catch my breath once in a while.

OP posts:

TheHedgeWitch · 13/10/2008 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

googgly · 13/10/2008 13:13

I love Boffin Mum! I'm even thinking of buying a Wii after reading that post . Your family sounds lovely!

MrsBumblebee · 13/10/2008 13:14

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I went down to four days a week BEFORE I had kids (I got fed up with spending half of my precious weekend with DH cleaning the house, and I loathe supermarket shopping at the weekend). Now I'm a SAHM to a one year old, and my house still isn't anything approaching immaculate . How anybody manages to work full time plus run a house plus look after children is beyond me. If you want to be at home more with your kids, then maybe you could try really hard to cut down your hours a bit. If it's more about the housework, then I'd definitely get a cleaner for as many hours as you can afford. Yes, your DH should be doing more to help, but surely it's preferable to pay for a cleaner so that neither of you has to do the housework, and you can spend time with each other rather than arguing about who should be doing what.

nooname · 13/10/2008 13:24

Sounds like you're getting things sorted but just thought I'd add my couple of pennies worth!!

As lots of people have said, the kids could/should be helping more. My TWO year-old can pretty much do the hoovering so your kids are perfectly capable of doing most housework tasks - you just need to assign them some.

Ditto your dh!!!

Also, not sure if anyone's commented on this, but it sounds as if your dh spends every evening and every weekend with his biological children? Perhaps he could cut this down a little so he is spending at least one or two evenings at home with you and his step-children?

Re ironing - the rule in our house is you do your own ironing (that's for the adults obviously). Dh works full-time so he irons all his work shirts on a Sunday. He'll soon do his own ironing if you stop doing it....

Ps - hope you get the good news you're hoping for!!!

sillybigsausage · 13/10/2008 17:05

Memoo - how old are you DCs? If either is under 6 you can ask for flexible working hours.

I did this and it changed my life - I work from home 2 short days a week so can do the school run, get washing on, catch up with domestic stuff etc. Your DH could ask for flexible working too, so you could work out some hours beteen you which would make your lives eaier.

Een if your DCs are ver 6 its still worth asking as some managers would be sympathetic to your situation.

sillybigsausage · 13/10/2008 17:09

Memoo DH and I both work FT BTW, but have arranged our hours so we can cope

pointygravedogger · 13/10/2008 19:19

so you're going to be on maternity leave soon then, memoo?

Original poster

memoo · 13/10/2008 19:32

Pointy, shhhhhh

OP posts:

pointygravedogger · 13/10/2008 19:47

and so your wish will come true

citronella · 14/10/2008 10:55

Memoo give your dp the three line whip now (before MiniMemoo ) and use lists like others have suggested.

My ExH used to say "why are you doing the washing/stacking/unstacking the dishwasher/hoovering (insert any chore)now? Leave it I'll do it" I'd get up in the morning (worked full time)and it would still be there. Sometimes the washing up would be in the sink for 3 days(!) until I couldn't look at it any longer. Then I would do it and he would moan that I was undermining him as if he was incapable (he was SAHD)

If you can't afford help you need to sort it out between you asap to avoid any festering resentments

pagi · 14/10/2008 14:36

Some years ago, whilst ever so slightly drunk (pre-kids of course!), my friend and I invented a new concept in good housekeeping...

Housewife's Blinkers

Just like a horse's blinkers, they stop you from seeing things which are likely to frighten or distress you.

I think you need some! Mine are currently blocking out the big pile of ironing in the kitchen...

Once you have blinkers, you can drop your standards to an achievable level. At the moment, you are your own worst enemy as you'll never be happy with what you've achieved.

Do you think I should take them on Dragon's Den??!!

pagi · 14/10/2008 14:41

PS Love BoffinMom too! Honest to god, we spent hours on Guitar Hero at the weekend and we were only meant to be trying it out once before it went away for dh's birthday. Minime even had his ELC guitar out rocking along...

Googgly - can send you some blinkers for you to use if you get a wii...

Original poster

memoo · 14/10/2008 17:10

blinkers and whips it is then!!!

Have actually agreed with DP that if there is soon a minimemoo on the scence then I am not going back to work.

Too early to test yet but I just have a very strange feeling that I am.

OP posts:

Plonker · 14/10/2008 20:10

Wow!! Memoo thats great news!! How early is it? You know you can get a line really early don't you?

Test test test! I want to know

Original poster

memoo · 15/10/2008 12:26

Plonker, I'm not due my perid for another 5 days! But just have this really weird feeling, like i did when I was pregnant with DD.

OP posts:

rebelmum1 · 15/10/2008 12:42

Can you cut your hours down and finish at half two or something instead? I empathise, I cannot be bothered with all the stuff that needs to be done, my friends who stay at home are chilled out relaxed, are swimming and cycling when the kids have gone to school and generally pottering full of la joie de vie, whereas I'm a worn out wreck.. and i work part-time so have a glimpse at those free days..

Plonker · 22/10/2008 23:41

Any news memoo?

Original poster

memoo · 23/10/2008 16:47

AF arrivedyesterday i'm gutted

OP posts:

Plonker · 23/10/2008 22:42

Oh no - i'm so sorry

BoffinMum · 29/10/2008 23:53

Must confess to fellow Guitar Hero fans I actually got RSI in my left wrist at one point as a result of all this musical action.

Original poster

memoo · 30/10/2008 08:25

thanks for sharing boffin

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