to really wish I could give up work and be a SAHM even though my kids are all school all day?

[memoo]

Don't get me wrong, I myself was a SAHM until 2 years ago and I know that it has its own set of problems and stress's. I don't for one minute think it is an easy ride looking after small children.

But my children are both in school now and so I went back to work full time.

The trouble is that I am struggling to cope with it all whilst keeping my sanity intact. Although I have a fulltime job the pile of stuff I need to do at home hasn't got any smaller.

Every night I get home from work and I have a huge list of things to do.

• a load on washing, plus drying, putting away etc

-homework/reading/spellings with kids -walk and see to dog -make an evening meal -wash up and tidy kitchen, usually have to do breakfast dishes too

• make kids pack lunches for next day
• bath kids
• the list goes on and on

DP doesn't get in til gone 8 most nights so he is not really here to help.

Our weekends are spent trying to catch up with all the other domestic stuff that we didn't have time to do in the week.

So now I have started thinking that I should stay at home, even though my kids are at school all day. Life would be less stressful and I might actually have time to catch my breath once in a while.

mothersuperior, sorry if I'm being dim but not sure what your question "what is there to do?" means.

I have tried giving him jobs that he needs to do but its just not a priority for him and so things don't get done.

You won't believe how many times I have had this converstion with him. I think I keep making excuse for him but the truth is he just takes me for granted.

I would love this too, feet up, jezza kyle on, tea and biscuits, laptop to MN. My perfect day, house work and washing can wait till after tea, its does now anyway so no change there!

Look, I fully appreciate that full-time working for both partners is enormously stressful. I don't, though, think that the solution is to allow your partner to get away with doing bugger-all around the house. His behaviour is enormously disrespectful.

I think getting a cleaner is actually a really good idea. Have been thinking about at least getting my ironing done but always imagine these things cost a fortune.

I think the post about doing 2 full time jobs is basically spot on. Thats exactly what I am doing.

I just feel like its only a matter of time before it all gets too much. But then I wonder if i am just being silly, that maybe I should accept that this is life and get on with it

PMSL at 'superior': I mean, genuinely, that yes the dog needs to be walked, and the kids looked after, and the meal cooked, but why does that take you till after 9pm?

Put the washing on in the morning. Take it out when you get home. Better still, put it on at 8pm when he gets in and remind him it's his job to take it out.

so tell him he either gets his arse into gear or you quit work

Tell him if he won't pull his weight, he has to organise and pay for a cleaner, a dishwasher and a packed lunch service for the dcs
How would he feel about you giving up work? Would he like you to. What does your heart tell you you should do? Do you miss sahm-dom or is it purely the tasks on top of work that are getting you down?

Why can't he do the ironing? you can do ironing at any time of day. Even my father, a man not known for his enthusiasm for role-reversal, did the damn ironing.

I agree witn mothersuperior don't know what there is to be done for 5 hours, from 4pm - 9pm, I honestly dont

motherinferior you are so right, I do feel like he doesn't respect me and that he sees me as a scivy. I just don't know how to get it through to him though.

I am a SAHM and DH still does his share around the house .. which includes loading and unloading the dishwasher

your DH is taking the bloody piss I'm afraid

okay in our house
whoever gets up first gets ds and dd up, gets them breakfast and unloads the dishwasher
the other is in the batroom getting ready for work
then the one who has done breakfast goes in the bathroom and the other one gets kids dressed

on coming home from work - one puts kids to bed while the other makes dinner

both of us puts washing on when laundry basket is full
we don't iron, just hang up anything straight from machine like shirts and trousers

Get a cleaner in twice a week, that will give you a rest from the dishes on those days and you won't have to vacuum or do the bathrooms. Don't iron (why does anyone iron anyway?), your dh can do his work shirts if he needs them. Get your dh to do his own laundry. Start saying things like "dinner will be served as soon as you've done x", say to your kids as well as your dh.

I have to say it would never occur to me to iron anything pertaining to my partner.

we send ironing out .. it's really only workshirts that need it

I hardly do any housework. I have a cleaner once a week and barely touch anything in between. I have that male 'low threshold' (or should it be high?) for mess! I never, ever hoover. Dh does the packed lunch for dd in the morning. However, I still think it is very hard if both of you are working full time. Get a cleaner and ease up on everything. You'd be surprised what doesn't actually need ironing
I hope if he's never in until 8pm that he earns a huge amount of money to make up for hte ridiculous hours, so you can afford to either look for a part-time job or get a cleaner, and you have to give him jobs. 'Hello darling, lovely to see you. The dog needs a walk!' 'Hi, while hte ad break is on, can you get the stuff out of the machine machine and bung it in the dryer'

It's not realistic to have two full time jobs without some kind of domestic help.

Get a slow cooker and use it a few times a week. Dinner will cook itself on those days.

The only thing about having a cleaner is that they generally don't make breakfast, wash up after the evening meal, walk the dog, help children with homework. They do stuff like dust, but unless they come in every day, they don't help out with the day to day grind.

When we were both working full time with DS (although he was a baby then so easier), DH generally cooked the evening meal. I think you need to weed out some jobs that he can be responsible for. OK he might not be able to sort the washing/realise what needs cleaning, but making lunches and making the evening meal go quite well together.

I think to have both parents working full time you both need to have flexible employers, you need to be super organised and you both need to pull together to do the household chores. Getting a cleaner and/or other domestic help would surely help things along?

Otherwise, can you do part time work in a different field?

thanks for all the advice guys, I think i'm going to have to ease up on things really before it really starts to get to me.

I think the trouble is that I have this expectation of myself, that to be a good mother, wife etc I need to keep teh house perfect.

Am I unrealistic, do the rest of you keep your houses pristine or do you have to let standards slip a little when you have kids/have to work etc?

Is the pristine house for you or to meet someone else's expectations?

Personally I am miserable in an untidy, dirty house. I clean (or have it cleaned) for me. It doesn't contribute to my well-being one little bit to let my standards slip, even if I then have less work.

it depends what you mean by perfect

if you mean like no-one actually lives in it, then calm down

flylady says the house should be 15 minutes' work from ready to receive guests

mine is usually about 20 mins away

My house is approx 20 days away if that helps anyone feel better

My solution is to have low standards and work part-time