to really wish I could give up work and be a SAHM even though my kids are all school all day?

[memoo]

Don't get me wrong, I myself was a SAHM until 2 years ago and I know that it has its own set of problems and stress's. I don't for one minute think it is an easy ride looking after small children.

But my children are both in school now and so I went back to work full time.

The trouble is that I am struggling to cope with it all whilst keeping my sanity intact. Although I have a fulltime job the pile of stuff I need to do at home hasn't got any smaller.

Every night I get home from work and I have a huge list of things to do.

• a load on washing, plus drying, putting away etc

-homework/reading/spellings with kids -walk and see to dog -make an evening meal -wash up and tidy kitchen, usually have to do breakfast dishes too

• make kids pack lunches for next day
• bath kids
• the list goes on and on

DP doesn't get in til gone 8 most nights so he is not really here to help.

Our weekends are spent trying to catch up with all the other domestic stuff that we didn't have time to do in the week.

So now I have started thinking that I should stay at home, even though my kids are at school all day. Life would be less stressful and I might actually have time to catch my breath once in a while.

p.s. when I returned from maternity leave I asked for flexible working and now do term time only [grin. you must make sure you are armed with all relevant information regarding it and then start the process formally, employers don't like this by the way, because it means they have 28 days to reply and only 6 months to come up with a sound business reason why you can't! tell them the benefits of the hours you now wish to work i.e 9.30 - 2.30 or t/t only , butter them up and see what happens. TBH though, it sounds like you need to sort out who does what (see my previous post). good luck.

I think the OP might be me
I agree wiht making a list my dh decided he was doing too much around the house and started to make a list , when 'my' jobs done went onto the second page after 2 days he son stopped. Trouble is he also makes packed lunches in AM and does some washing up/cooking/bathing/story stuff it's all the other jobs that I do that he's not even aware of. eg cheque for PTA fund

I work full time plus - and my DCs are a similar age to yours - the secret is more help I'm afraid.

1. Make the laundry your DHs sole responsibility and explain that it is his job, and that he has to stick a load in the machine in the morning and sort it out at night
2. Get a cleaner for two hours a week - that's around 15-20 a week
3. Get the children to feed and walk the pets
4. Lunch for children at school
5. Get the children to do their own baths and showers/

Your evening now looks like this:

4-5.00 wash breakfast dishes
make kids a drink and snack
sit at kitchen table with kids doing home work, make dinner

5.00-5.30 Mumsnet

5.30-6.00 sit down with kids for dinner, plate up DP's.

6.-6.30 clean table, sweep floor etc (very messy kids). Iron any bits that need for for morning, and other bits and bobs like cleaning DC's shoes, getting stuff ready for me for work.

6.30-8.15 Mumsnet

8.15 back up stairs to make sure DD has got out of bath. run bath for DS. sit with DS while he has bath or potter upstairs

8.30 drag DS out of bath, bark orders at them both to brush teeth etc

8.30 onwards - mumsnet

lol @ mn time. What we all aspire to.

Dilemma, you've hit the nail on the head. there are a 101 jobs that I do that DP isn't aware of! Its all the little things that add up and I think the only way he'd realise just how much I do is if I stopped doing it.

I have been thinking about this a lot to day and I have come to the conclusion that its true that I try to do too much. I think I have set myself Anthea Turner type expectations of how my house should be and of course its never going to happen. I do need to let things go a little, its just so hard though because when everything is untidy i feel like such a failure

Actually I agree that there is little downtime between school finishing time and the kids being in bed. The main problem is that your dp is absenting himself from the house at that time.
I never do housework at that time (or any other frankly!), its time to be with the kids and cook tea. But I don't do it every day either (dh does 2 days and a nanny does one). Could your dh agree to share his weekday evenings betweeen his two families? (though difficult I can see that...)
I agree you need a cleaner and a dishwasher. I have to say I don't find washing a burden - shoving loads in and hanging up is something we both do in between other things - it takes seconds.

No Meemoo - you don't have to compromise your standards on your house - mine is anally tidy - you just need to get everyone in your house to take responsibility and get some outside help in too.

Right.

7.30am - wash breakfasr dishes

4-4.30pm - make kids a drink and snack
sit at kitchen table with kids doing home work

4.30-5.30 start figuring out what to do for dinner, put dinner on to cook, sort and put on a load of washing. poop a scoop garden from dog, feed dog, feed guinea pigs, fill up water etc. make kids pack lunches

5.30-6.00 cook dinner and serve (having already decided at weekend shop what you will be eating that week)

6.-6.30 eat dinner. Dh washes dishes. dc clean table, sweep floor etc

6.30 You or kids or dh takes dog for a walk

7.00pm get home, take washing from washer, put in dryer or maiden etc

7.15 - mumsnet while dds take their own shower

8.30 - tuck dc in bed

Shoes - polish once a week on SUnday night. Dh in charge.

Iron - once q week, you share with dh

Housework - one evening and a little bit of one weekend, dh and dc helping

And get yourself a HOBBY so you;re not inclined to fanny about cleaning every evening.

SHe doesn't need a cleaner. Jeeesus. You people today.

She has LOADS of time and three helpers to call on.

You are so fixtaD DIN on cleaners

On a TA's wage you don't get a cleaner

what would you do apart from fluff n fold?why dont you get a job.get a cleaner in?

is this because dp wont pull his weight with domestic chores?

(I meant to cut out the 4.30-5.30 bit in my schedule. Apolge)

Can I see some normal peopl eplease who don't all get cleaners?

Yes but Pointy, two hours of concentrated cleaning from a cleaner is worth five hours of fannying around with children in the house. See I am freeing her up so much more time by suggesting a cleaner.

Agree that the OP is not making enough use of the free labour family members.

Love my new time tables!

The DC are definately going to have to do more. Infact tomorrow I am going to draw up a 'chore rota' and if they want their pocket money they'll have to earn it.

And I have seen the light and have ordered a dishwasher from Argos!!! Had to really badger DP for this, he spent a lot of time measuring cupboards in the kitchen??? but then after a few moans and groans he agreed!

I've also told him quite firmly tonight that he is going to have to pull his weight. I am not his mother (I actually said this )I am his partner and a parntership means each person doing their fair share

No cleaner here pointy

me oh pointed one

yup memoo, lowering of standards and a kick up dp's arse. That's the medicine!

I am normal
And dp's wages can pay for the cleaner.

SHe is a TA. I wouldn't be paying someone more than my own hourly rate to do a bit of basic houseiwork in my house.

Get some persepctive with the cleaning. Far m,ore healthy

Chore rota sounds good memoo, and i've got to say that I really luuuuuuurve my dishwasher

When you figure out how to shape up dp, give me a few pointers to try out on my dh!

plonker, I am hoping a hammer round his head might help him see the error of his ways

My wages can pay fpor a cleaner. Oh yes. But I have far more fun and enjoyable and satisfying things to spend m,y money on. I don't NEED one. I have a SEnsivBLE attitide to house cleanliness and to LIFE

i don't have a cleaner.i just really dont know a house needs ft cleaning.better economics to work and get a cleaner if you are so bothered about exacting standards of fluff n fold

seriously how can one clean 30-40hr a week?even j-cloth wielding adulteress couldn't manage that

memoo, do you have a shower?

Tell me now that you will get your dc to have showers by themselves. It is great. Tell me.

(are you a TA?)