To refuse to let the kids go their own christening?

[ProudMamaBear92]

So long story short I’m not religious but from a Christian background. DH is not from UK but is Christian orthodox family. Though rarely ever goes to church nor lives a devout life 😑.

he wants to christen the kids, I’d rather not but said if it’s important to him he can, I’ll go along with it. He can organise it as it’s something he wants, but my ONLY stipulation is no undressing and submersion of the kids.

We went to a nephews christening and the poor boy was publicly stripped naked and dunked in a barrel. I found it horrifying to watch and the child was inconsolable for a long while after. I disagree with it massively, it feels humiliating and a bit abusive to me.

Next year a cousin of DH is getting married abroad and the whole huge family is going. BIL and DH want to christen all the kids together, we have two they have two. Sure, makes sense. Bride is fine with us piggybacking her wedding week I did check with her.

They are insisting on orthodox ceremony, fine, but I’m insisting the priest mustn’t strip and dunk my kids.

They said maybe he will?! I’m repeating myself with this and just kind of getting shrugged off. There’s a language barrier also to work around and I feel I’m left out of the conversations ALOT. DH will never disagree with his brother, or his dad. History has proven it.

If they don’t take my wishes seriously, AIBUto just refuse to let the kids go full stop? Take the passports and refuse to let them leave the UK? Or just cause a massive scene at the christening?? What do I do??

It sounds like a very unpleasant thing to do to a child. Can’t he get the children baptised in a different but compatible denomination that offers a gentler version of baptism?

How old are your kids now?. Presumably not tiny babies.

There is no way I’d allow my kids to be stripped naked by a stranger and dunked in water, not a chance. I’m catholic so baptism’s typically happen a few months after birth but the priest just puts holy water on the child’s forehead no matter the age they decide to be baptised. How old are your kids?

I’ve never known kids to be stripped naked and shoved underwater in public for a christening- that sounds really weird and dodgy as fuck. I would never allow that. Mental that anyone would think that’s acceptable

Surely for such a Christening ceremony to take place it requires the consent of both parents? If you don't want the ceremony to take place how can the priest go ahead with it?

The Orthodox Church, to my limited knowledge, doesn’t do the kind of half baptism you want. Be blunt with your family and don’t it if you feel it’s not appropriate for your children.
ask to speak with the priest before making the decision or hopefully someone with more knowledge will come long.
i know c of e offer baptisms and also a different service of blessing as an alternative, for example.

id also avoid using the term child abuse. Whilst you are of course entitled to your opinion, saying it is surely deeply offensive to a lot of orthodox Christians(!) and will not go down well with the wider family either.
in terms of whether YABU, I didn’t answer as you’re the parent so up to you really. I don’t think it’s a big deal or child abuse, I think it’s a lovely family tradition that will mean a great deal to people your husband loves and cares about. I also think you and your husband should have been clearer on what you were agreeing to before getting this far along.
Best of luck, whatever you decide.

I'd have reported what happened to the nephew to SS, and yep I'd lose the passports. Plenty of sects do baptism by immersion but there is no good reason for a pastor to forcibly strip a child in front of a congregation of people. If my DH wasn't on that page with me, I'd be making plans to leave.

Which country is this in?

I’m Orthodox, but not practicing. Yes, triple immersion is standard.

It’s a cultural thing, more than a religious one. A sense of shared identity, that ime can be more important to the diaspora.

Immersion baptism is still clothed in my experience, white robes are typically worn. What you describe would not be allowed on safeguarding grounds in the uk

Yeah, that would be a fuck no from me.

Humiliating a child in the name of religion is insanity.

Join the Church of England! We don't do anything worse than paint a holy water cross on the baby's forehead.

Agree with all these posters it sounds horrific.
Yep I'd be hiding the passports and I wouldn't care what the consequences were.

Keep your children safely with you.
X

Some absolutely ridiculous comments here. You might not like it but it is totally standard in the orthodox church. As in Greek, Russian, a good chunk of the Balkans and Eastern Europe. Infants and young children are baptised naked as standard. It's happening all the time in the UK even! (the horror). As I say, you don't have to like it but implying it's a matter for social services or some freakish cult will have more than half of Europe side eyeing you.

Oh, you can request affusion (the sprinkling of water, rather than immersion). It’s not the preferred method, but it’s still valid.

I've never understood Christening children unless there is a commitment to raise them as Christians.

And the Church of England has the most beautiful spoken religious services/liturgy ever committed to print.

If your husband won’t listen to you then I would have serious words with him about the power balance in your marriage. Some things you both should be able to veto if you feel very strongly about them.

Nah. Child abuse needs to be called out wherever one finds it, and anyone who's offended by that should probably spend a lot of time thinking about why.

It doesn't really qualify as abuse to dunk the child in water surely.... it's a bath? Do they have to be held down and half-drowned?

While I think both are inappropriate, there's a huge difference between a baby who won't remember and a boy who was inconsolable afterwards.

Something being common doesn't make it okay.

Catholic baptism is very simple, but it depends on the individual Orthodox church whether they recognise it or not. It's simply bowing the head while a little trickle of water is poured over the top of it.

My eldest who was 3 had her underwear on. The priest told us she was too old to be nude.

The water is warm, it’s like a bath, not some awful thing.

If you have misgivings, you need to decline their participation. You can’t ask them to change their rituals.

I personally think performing a religious ritual on a child without their informed consent is immoral. There is absolutely no possibility I would allow my young child to participate.

How old are your children OP?