To refuse to let the kids go their own christening?

[ProudMamaBear92]

So long story short I’m not religious but from a Christian background. DH is not from UK but is Christian orthodox family. Though rarely ever goes to church nor lives a devout life 😑.

he wants to christen the kids, I’d rather not but said if it’s important to him he can, I’ll go along with it. He can organise it as it’s something he wants, but my ONLY stipulation is no undressing and submersion of the kids.

We went to a nephews christening and the poor boy was publicly stripped naked and dunked in a barrel. I found it horrifying to watch and the child was inconsolable for a long while after. I disagree with it massively, it feels humiliating and a bit abusive to me.

Next year a cousin of DH is getting married abroad and the whole huge family is going. BIL and DH want to christen all the kids together, we have two they have two. Sure, makes sense. Bride is fine with us piggybacking her wedding week I did check with her.

They are insisting on orthodox ceremony, fine, but I’m insisting the priest mustn’t strip and dunk my kids.

They said maybe he will?! I’m repeating myself with this and just kind of getting shrugged off. There’s a language barrier also to work around and I feel I’m left out of the conversations ALOT. DH will never disagree with his brother, or his dad. History has proven it.

If they don’t take my wishes seriously, AIBUto just refuse to let the kids go full stop? Take the passports and refuse to let them leave the UK? Or just cause a massive scene at the christening?? What do I do??

I’ve asked for a different ceremony/church but they are insisting orthodox

Yes, this is very relevant…can you share?

1&3, will be 2&4 when this happens

Insist on swimwear.

This is exactly how I feel too 😔

It’s not a sect I would have anything to do with. It would be marriage-ending.

It’s not a sect, it’s the Orthodox Church. As in, one of the major doctrinal groups of Christianity…

Don’t do it if you don’t want to. Fine. But don’t call orthodox Christianity a sect, that’s just ludicrous. To millions of people this is a positive, welcoming ceremony not some sort of gritty occasion you are suggesting.

I would refuse on the basis as this should be a joint decision between the parents and not the wider family. I do not think this is child abuse as different religions have different practices, if you aren’t comfortable with this then I do think you should allow it to happen.

In the UK its a crime to submerge someone under 16, and there is no reason for anyone to be naked.

My kids wouldnt be doing this.

God doesnt want your kids to be terrified underwater and publicly nude.

If your husband's religion requires full submergion then DH will have to educate them in his faith so they choose it post 16

wtf country is doing this?

Babies, maybe ok in a warm room, but any child old enough to be even slightly aware of the goings on, and possibly remember, absolutely not. Just think that statistically there will be some dodgy as fuck people in the congregation - in any crowd of people.

I thought immersion baptism was clothed too, tbh

I wouldn’t be taking my children to a country where this is normal.

I have some orthodox friends and I am pretty sure this is not done in their country (it won’t be where you’re going or you’d have said)

Edit - I’m not googling which countries do this as I can’t think of a way to google it without sounding as dodgy as the practice sounds to me!

russian Orthodox Church can rightly be called a sect in my opinion.

They have clergy that openly endorse murder and kidnapping of children, and bless a genocidal maniac wanted by the ICC.

That’s a sect imo

I dont how you can call it a sect, you can call it terrible and evil and should be banned or whatever but still not sure how it is an actual sect

Exactly. People Christening their children, and then not raising them as Christians makes no sense to me.

My parents are extremely religious, and didn't Christen any of their children because they wanted us to choose to be Christened when old enough to make the decision for ourselves. None of us did.

Yet my in-laws Christened their children, and the only time they are ever in church is for weddings, they never raised their children as Christians whatsoever.

@ProudMamaBear92 I would not be ok with this, and your DH is a hypocrite for having them Christened and not having any intention of raising them as Christians.

It is not illegal to baptise under 16years old in UK by immersion generally this happens in many baptist churches. Usual safeguards is parental consent, people doing the baptising having relevant safeguarding disclosures health and safety
Churches are generally keen on parental consent and would generally not use Gillick competency to over ride parents in line with children generally being expected to respect parents. But actual immersion of children is not illegal whether in a baptist church as part of believers baptism mostly teenagers or as an infant in the Russian /Serbian/Greek/Ukrainian etc orthodox churches of which there are many in the UK
Orthodox Christianity has always used immersion as mode of baptism

My girls at 4 would have been mortified to be stripped naked infront of their whole family, its abusive as fuck and I’d be offering a standard christening with cross on forehead or divorce and have it drawn up in family court that he is not to put your children through this abusive ritual.

Well I might not have concerned myself with the precise definition of sect, but terrible and evil was more what I was going for!

I think I was defining it as “no real adherence to the doctrine of the religion it claims to be a part of, and exercises inordinate control over brainwashed people”. But I see that is perhaps not the proper meaning of the word.

Not saying it started like that but in the modern day.

I was feeling a bit cross!

To add if ‘D’H is adamant that this should happen maybe suggest him also getting naked infront of everyone and hopping in too as a refresh for all the in Christian shit he’s done over the years!

I agree. Same reason I didn't marry in a church.

Seriously, your child has two parents. You need to work this out together and come to an agreement. Neither one of you takes priority in decisions about your children. You can't give a blanket no and he can't give a blanket yes. Work together on a solution.

In my view, baptism by immersion is very standard in Russian and Greek Orthodox churches, but your kids are a bit too old for it to be naked.

Can I ask what religion strips and dunks naked as I have never ever seen this?

OP I'm from an ortodox background and is how it's done but never seen/heard of a baby older than 6mo being baptised. I can't see it done like this on older children really. I would imagine that they would do it differently in this case. We had ours baptised at 4 mo and 6 mo and I've told the priest I don't want their heads under water or similar and there was no debate. I would contact the church and ask for details and let them know what you want and take it from there.

Not a chance. I would end the marriage for even considering it.

You can gaurantee if they go, they will dunk them.

Same!

This is so normal and not a issue for babies. I don't know about in other countries for older children, but there are certainly orthodox churches in the uk who will do it differently for an older child so that its not upsetting (still triple immersion though). It also doesn't have to be during a normal service and can be a small private ceremony. That said, these are your joint children and you need to be both involved and happy with the decision. Maybe find a local orthodox church and talk to the priest together and see what it would involve there. If DH is against that then it sounds more like he's just wanting to do it from a family/cultural pov due to being in his country. That's fair enough to a point but not something you should feel forced to go along with. The entire point is that it's meant to be about bringing your child into the faith they're going to be raised in, and it doesn't sound like you regularly go to an orthodox church as a family or you'd have seen lots of similar baptisms of babies.