To refuse to let the kids go their own christening?

[ProudMamaBear92]

So long story short I’m not religious but from a Christian background. DH is not from UK but is Christian orthodox family. Though rarely ever goes to church nor lives a devout life 😑.

he wants to christen the kids, I’d rather not but said if it’s important to him he can, I’ll go along with it. He can organise it as it’s something he wants, but my ONLY stipulation is no undressing and submersion of the kids.

We went to a nephews christening and the poor boy was publicly stripped naked and dunked in a barrel. I found it horrifying to watch and the child was inconsolable for a long while after. I disagree with it massively, it feels humiliating and a bit abusive to me.

Next year a cousin of DH is getting married abroad and the whole huge family is going. BIL and DH want to christen all the kids together, we have two they have two. Sure, makes sense. Bride is fine with us piggybacking her wedding week I did check with her.

They are insisting on orthodox ceremony, fine, but I’m insisting the priest mustn’t strip and dunk my kids.

They said maybe he will?! I’m repeating myself with this and just kind of getting shrugged off. There’s a language barrier also to work around and I feel I’m left out of the conversations ALOT. DH will never disagree with his brother, or his dad. History has proven it.

If they don’t take my wishes seriously, AIBUto just refuse to let the kids go full stop? Take the passports and refuse to let them leave the UK? Or just cause a massive scene at the christening?? What do I do??

It used to have such a liturgy; then they modernized it and blanded it out in the late 20th century . . . . .

Absolutely fucking not. I am a practicing Roman Catholic, and my kids were all baptised at a few months old, so I do understand traditions.
Not a chance I'd let my kids be stripped off and dunked. Your childreb have an abusive and selfish Father.

Someone taking clothes off those age kids in public needs reporting to the police. This is sexual assault.

Why if he’s not even living that life?

Hell no. Not in a million years

Exactly. What kind of bunch of perverts gather round to watch?!

Standard Ortodox ritual - say no if you don't want it but don't expect them to change a lot.

I wouldn't let this be organized any further with you out of the loop and relying on other family members taking your concerns seriously and acting as 'middle men'. I'd find out the contact details of the church and email / message them with your DH cc'd in. Use Google Translate to overcome any language barriers and find out what can be done for older children to make this feel appropriate to you. Swim wear? You might find they've come across this before as I doubt if many Greek / Russian / Bulgarian 4 yr olds would be thrilled about being stripped like a baby in public.

Ignore this ridiculous suggestion…. Insist they remain fully clothed but preferably don’t allow this ‘ceremony’ at all OP

Exactly PERVERTS!
I’d honestly be on a battery charge if someone did this to my child, I’d fly for that priest so fast he’d barely get chance to grab his crucifix!

An absolute no from me.

But it's absolute nonsense anyway.

It sounds more like baptism than a christening where the priest just sprinkles water on the baby’s head. How old are your children, OP? Do you have the option of telling your husband and his family that you insist on waiting until your children are older when it will be less terrifying? If his family is absolutely inflexible about the issue and you believe it will traumatize your kids, by all means, you and the children stay home.

id also avoid using the term child abuse. Whilst you are of course entitled to your opinion, saying it is surely deeply offensive to a lot of orthodox Christians - just as the proposed actions are offensive to the OP!!

Why all this tiptoeing around religion and special pleading? If something they plan to do is offensive to you then you have the right to say so - your views deserve respect too!!

Your OH does not practice his religion - he is just wanting this for family show. It would just be a sham.

Just say that you refuse and that you are happy for them to choose to be baptised when they are old enough to make that decision. I doubt they will as the religion is not part of their daily lives.

No minister of religion can baptize a child against the wishes of a parent.

I agree, but tbh loads of people have their children christened who are not themselves Christians. Same for marrying in a church.

It's not about believing, it's about belonging.

I wouldn't want to belong to a religion that humiliated children like that.

yoh could just organize your own christening here then it’s done

YANBU. Hide the passports and just don’t take them.

Stripping children in public of any age is awful, but the trauma this would cause - abroad, in front of strangers, would be incalculable. Don’t go.

I can't comment on the Orthodox method of christening for children of that age as only seen it done for babies. However, as a CofE vicar we HAVE to have the consent of any parent with parental responsibility before we can have a christening. Being abroad I don't know if they would have the same laws though, but might be worth trying to find out.

Orthodox background here. It is common practice for Orthodox Christians. In my background, it is cultural - everyone does it, not just religious people. It's a big occasion for family and friends. Your husband is probably receiving a lot of pressure from family to do this, so he is in a difficult place. Older kids would wear something I believe, but 2 and 4 -- especially the 2 year old - are still young, no? My kids were happily running around completely naked on the beach at that age.
Saying this, you shouldn't go ahead with this if you are not happy to. But be respectful of the tradition when you talk to your husband even if you refuse it for your children - it's an important tradition for many and being overly critical will be counterproductive.

I've been to a Greek orthodox christening where the baby was naked, oiled up and popped in the font. But definitely a baby - I'd certainly say no to this for any child over 1.

“DH will never disagree with his brother, or his dad. History has proven it.”

This is the issue - putting his family’s wishes before yours.

Ultimatum time - you stand up to your family and insist they’re not stripped of their clothes, or we don’t go at all.

They’re not on a beach though. And I don’t see 4 year olds with no swim pants on beaches either.

If an adult is insisting a child is naked then I’d be asking exactly why and then keeping far away from them!

Neither one of you takes priority in decisions about your children. You can't give a blanket no and he can't give a blanket yes. Work together on a solution

In many situations, this is a sensible POV.

In the case of children being stripped naked and pushed underwater, in front of complete strangers, that POV does not get a look in. It is indeed a 'blanket no' from anyone with an ounce of common sense.

I tend to respect the way people wish to peacefully practice their religion. However, if the way someone wants to worship compromises the wellbeing of my children, my children come first.

Both parents not being on the same page with that would cause a fundamental problem.

Educate yourself, Op, by visiting an Orthodox church and asking simple questions.
I have seen full immersion baptism where the person wears a white dress etc.
Find our what is allowed.

Stipulate what they will wear to your DH.
Be involved enough not to be ignorant.
prepare your children happily. Their attitude will be influenced by you.

Buy white zip up bathing suits, or ones with a little skirt. Or have simple shifts made- worn with white pants.
Practise swimming in them in the barh at home. Teach the kids to not fear swimming in their baptism suits. Then on the day, they will be fine.

They can take off their outer layer and be in their special swimwear. Have fluffy warm robes at the ready.

It will probably be very exciting to be with their cousins swimming in special water in front of their grandparents and the bride etc.
It's a welcome to their Dad's church. It is special to DH so help the kids enjoy it.

Maybe you could to compromise and allow a baptism in a UK Orthodox church which allows children over 2 to be clothed. No language barrier might appeal to you too.