Dh like a bad cloud

[Peopledecoratingforxmasalready]

Yesterday we were doing a neighbourhood activity for the kids, we do each year. I organise it all and others enjoy it. It's not lots of work, but does take some organising, shopping for supplies and so on. I'd planned it all last week, the only thing I needed help with was Dh dropping off small bags to around five different neighbours, whilst I sorted Dc and got myself ready.
He knows the neighbours well, they knew we'd drop it off and it's literally a 2 minute job.
His face was like thunder, stomping around saying 'Which houses is it then?!' I said there was a list on top of the printer, which he scoffed at, pulled an awful face and then couldn't find. I lost it with him and asked him exactly what was the problem, that I'd organised all this for the kids and just needed this one bit of help and that this was supposed to be a fun time. Dd came running in and said she didn't want to do it now as we were arguing. It was horrible. We had to put a happy face on as were then mixing with the neighbours, I also noticed the other dads being fun and more helpful.

What do you think is the problem here? I just find it so pathetic and don't understand it

You are dragging him in to your hobby. You enjoy making work for yourself. It’s not his idea of fun. If more than just you amongst the adults enjoy this then get the other adults who enjoy it to help.

It's not my hobby, it's just something I do as dc and the neighbourhood kids love. I asked one thing to help

It doesn’t sound as though you asked much of your DH tbh. With kids there’s always so much of the parenting role we’d rather not do but simply have to to give our children great childhoods. Your DH needs to get onboard with this and appreciate the effort you go to for the kids and may just need a little support with a final few details. He was an ar*ehole last night and almost ruined it for you all. He should apologise.

🙄

Exactly, most of my time is spent doing things I don't particularly want to, but it makes them happy

You’ll get MN posters on here defending your DH because god forbid a man make an effort for his family. He could have eaten all the kids sweets and put their costumes in the bin and they’d still be blaming you, OP.

YANBU

If the other dads are fun and more helpful then maybe they could come and pick up the bags for their kids? I think the first poster is expressing things a bit more harshly than I would, and I don’t think YABU to hope your husband would help you out with good grace to do a small task that creates a fun time for his own kids. But it sounds like you have made the decision to go above and beyond each year on an activity that’s for the whole neighbourhood kids not just your own, and while that’s lovely of you, it sounds like that maybe needs some discussion with your husband if you want him to also be involved.

I don't see how it can be defended tbh, we're supposed to be a family and isn't that about mucking in and making things nice for the kids
It was such a small thing I asked, I genuinely don't understand why it was such a negative thing

I don't ask anything else of him in the process, it's a 5 minute job

He has also never said Well done or that was great. I don't need that, but it would be nice!

Are you the poster who goes round the neighbours with bags of sweets so you can do trick or treat to their houses? If yes you are being unreasonable, as if people want to do this, they buy sweets and put a pumpkin/lights outside because they want to,not because a parent wants them to.

If it was just about parenting your own kids I would totally say YANBU, and I understand why it’s frustrating you that he can’t just help you out on a 5 minute task with a good grace. But if this is something that you have made the decision to do for the neighbourhood kids every year, without consulting him, I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable in his part if he’d like to be asked whether he’s happy to contribute, rather than just having it assumed.

No, we do a party

I completely agree with you. Others won’t. I often think even the fun dads are only really fun when it benefits them personally, eg. Meals out, holidays etc. But something small like this only means something to the kids, he obviously isn’t interested, so can’t be bothered to do a small job to help. V annoying.

He didn't want to help, he probably doesn't think you should be doing it every year, can't the neighbours who get invited take turns?

Blimey, the husband was early to the thread !!

It’s mean- spirited on his part.

If he expects you to do something to help him out, don’t bother. Tell him it works both ways.

Yes exactly

This is the same vibe as “well you are the one who wants a clean house so you should be the one to clean it”

The bar for men is so embarrassingly low.

What do you think was your DH problem with being asked to help with this activity?

I've no idea? Couldn't be arsed? Felt I should do it? Didn't want to nip to houses? I honestly don't know

Absolutely pathetic by him. So what if he felt this was a silly activity or that he shouldn't have had to do it? He's an adult, he needs to control his emotions and be pleasant to his family. If he felt any of the objections so helpfully articulated by his defenders on the thread, why not just say?

If it was a 5 minute job it would probably have been quicker to do it yourself, by the time you've asked him given him the list and told him what he has to do it would have been done.

Yet another man using intimidating behaviour towards his family. They are so fucking fond of it. Sulking, huffing and puffing, slamming doors and looking like thunder all over some pathetic little request. Do they ever grow up?

So that's the answer then. She should never ask her DH to do anything for the kids because it's quicker to do it herself. Sorted.